the social stigma of mentall Illness has kept me from recieving the help ineed.
I know i am depressed, and have been for years. I have recently become suicidal, I slit my wrist
a month ago and wouldn't be hear to talk about it if a friend didn't come into my
apartmentat the moment she did. She forced me to go to the hospital to get stiches, and we lied about what happened. She hasnt talked to me scince.
I live in a small town, by myself. my family lives 1500 kilometers away, and dont really
about me anymore.i am 20 years old and live by myself.
I wont go see a doctor or anyone else about it because in my town everybody knows
The psychologists/councilors at my university share an office with the doctors. Its two embarrassing to be sitting on the counciling side of the room while people who are in my classes see me there while waiting for a doctor.
Because i am suicidal i know i could get into see a psychiatrist, but people would see me going there. I know several people who work in that wing of the hospital, as well as most of the student nurses who are all over the hospital.
I would talk to my family doctor but i know him from the community as well and i wouldn't feel comfortable (ie, i would feel that he would watch my behavior, when i'm out....he frequents the same pub i do.
There are no other communitys i could go to near by.
But i need help........................
I wish i could just get drugs without approching anybody in my community. Another attemt at suicide will be made soon, and i doubt that there will be someone to stop me this time but what if this is a phase, and not what is best for me? Does anyone have a suggestion? My average has dropped from an 85 to a 35, even thougght i am trying as hard as i can. i'm gonna fail out of school. I used to want to go to med school, now i know i have no chance. Help me, I have so much more of my life to look forward to dont i?
You have to look at yourself and ask what is more important to you:
What others think of you (who you probably wont know or see again after Uni/college/school)
I cannot tell you that in the future you will not be depressed, you may suffer depression for the rest of your life. I can say though that if you don't get help, nothing you will think or do will help you or cure you. Depression is not something that should be taken lightly, as you would know. Please go and get help.
I can tell you first hand, it isn't worth killing yourself. My life, while not great, is a lot better now than it was when I tried, if it had of worked, I would not know this.
Keep in touch and take care
Catriona<p>[This message has been edited by Catriona (edited 12-26-2000).]
I agree with Catriona that you don't know what the future will bring... I thought I would be off of meds forever for my depression a while ago (see my post of 22Dec00
I have described to others that for me being depressed was like being in a deep hole where I could not get out. I am now about 4-1/2 days on Rameron after being on Paxil for a bit and I can't believe for me what a difference there is between the two drugs!
I have asked around and what I am describing is radically different than what most experience. I am very pleased with the fact (and this may be hard for you to understand) that I ended up in the hole again.
I have several challenges ahead of me, but I now feel that I’ll handle them with ease. Note that word…”Ease”! I have always wanted to live life with ease. It appears I am well on my way.
Social stigma compared to getting on with life is like comparing apples and oranges.
Get the help you need… we, who are in this group, are wired differently than the "norm" and it really doesn’t matter what others think. I believe we are here to experience what life brings. I believe that if we are on our Spiritual Path we learn that demands that we are engaged in life… there will be challenges we have to face. The way I have seen it work for me is that the hardest things that I have done haven’t been for me but for others I have met along the way so they could hear my story and how I dealt with what they are coming to face in their lives.
Life is sweet! Find out what you need to do to savor it!
My task loading for the next 13 days is quite heavy… but if I’ll drop in here to see if you have a response to the above. Feel free to E-mail me direct – firstname.lastname@example.org
Yes I think Catriona is right, people at first(maybe) will look or say something, but I find people can be more understand than you think sometimes, and you need to ask what is more important.When I tryed to kill myself years ago, the one thing I remember feeling was embarressed cause EVERYONE found out. I went into a hospital for a while also because of my risk. But you know what? all these people I was worryed were going to be looking at me strange or thinking all these things about me. Well maybe they were but they also were very kind to me and understanding .I even found a few new ones. You also may find you not the only one going for help. You need some help, a lot of us do,(more than you may know) there is no shame in asking. Besides you worth it, aren't you.
if you are getting close to suicide you should call the police, immediately,. you should tell your doctor right now ,even leave a voice message on phone , if fact if you do that ,when they arent there you may be able to talk to the machine easier or send an email to the hospital or someplace . you should not put it off , any more than putting off a operation you would need
I understand where you are coming from. I know that your life seems to be a mess right now but you must find the strenth to go on. Because there will come a day when you will look back and think gosh how stupid of me to think of killing myself. You do have family to if you reach out to us and ask for it. We will be your family. I love this place it has helped me alot. And don't worry about people seeing you at the doc office. Let them talk who cares. Go to him or her and get the help you deserve. They can give you meds that atleast take the edge off. Be strong for the moment and hang on to life until this all passes and beleive me it will pass! Call on us anytime if you need to talk and we will be here for you as much as we can. We all care about one and another here. Write soon so we know you are alright . we are worried about you. take care.
You have to take the first step to get help for yourself. You not only have to admit that you have a problem but that you are powerless over this problem. Then you can start the long journey back. We will go with you, so you won't be alone.
My heart goes out to you. This is a terrible time for you - I was there myself four years ago - I had a breakdown and basically went mad for a few months. People around you do not understand what you are going through.
The difference is, we all do. We are all here for you and you can post on this board whenever you need support.
As for medication, why not go to the university doctor? I went to the university doctor with my problems and they helped incredibly. I was referred in complete confidence to a cognitive therapist and put on Prozac. It changed me completely - I am now one of the most positive people you could meet and people who meet me cannot believe I used to be so depressed. Try taking St. John's Wort as this has helped me a lot during relapses.
Why not take some time out from your studies? I suspended for a couple of years to get myself back to full health.
With time, you'll be able to recover. It won't feel like that now, but with time you <I>will</I> feel better. Believe that this can happen, and I'm sure it will.
Please don't hurt yourself again. Write here if you ever get the urge instead.
Rachael<p>[This message has been edited by Rachael (edited 12-30-2000).]