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Pippy1224 12-30-2010 07:41 AM

Depression and feeling alone
 
What comes first.... the depression, or the loneliness? Or are they one in the same?

I'm in such a rut, I feel like I'm going crazy.

Over the last few years I have let myself slip into a very reclusive lifestyle. It recently dawned on me that I have no real friends. I keep asking myself.... why?

I live with my husband in an area that is "out in the sticks", so I don't have neighbors around... my job is part time and with a temp agency so I'm never anywhere long enough to make friends. I moved here from my hometown 12 years ago, and in all that time I have not made a single friend.

I'm not a bad person so why am I so alone?

Thank God these message boards are anonymous because I feel pathetic admitting that I have no friends. I self loath about it, which turns into a bizarre vicious cycle of depression, anxiety and lonliness.

Can anybody relate to this?

lag57 12-30-2010 12:00 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
Pippy,
Im so sorry you are feeling this way. I know how much it can hurt to feel like you have no one to relate to. Just writting this post means that you accept that you need to make a change in your life. I am new to this whole anxiety and depression thing, but I know now that I am going to stay positive and find a solution that works for me so I can be happy. I think im going to try therapy and prozac. Thats just me. I hope you can start looking into some solutions to help you out of you rut. Things will get better! :)

Pippy1224 12-30-2010 03:17 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
Lag thank you for responding. I hope the prozac works for you, and the therapy. When do you start?

I am very leary of medication and want to avoid that if I possibly can... I've tried them in the past when my father was sick and the side effects were too much for me. In fact I tried therapy then too, and looking back I don't know how valuable the therapist herself really was... the simple fact was I was grieving and I had to go through the process.

I wonder if now I'm having a mid-life crisis and it's another process I just have to endure as I navigate up in age. :confused:

I also think a lot of my depression is situational because I live in an isolated area and I really want to move... my husband knows this, and is willing but his timeline is 2 years, and I feel like I am on the verge of cracking NOW.

I know I need to find some ways to meet some friends, but I'm really at a loss as to what to do...... how do adults seek friendship?... it feels kind of odd at 48. I have plenty of acquaintances, but they run in their own familiar and established circles/family. My husband isn't very social which doesn't help. He gets all he needs from his long time job and local family ties. He'll go out and golf or whatever with his brother, but as a couple we stay home most of the time, and if we do go out it is just us.

One thing I do have is determination to get out of this rut and get my life back. Thanks for listening.... and I hope you will post about your journey too.

lag57 12-30-2010 03:41 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
I started the prozac about 9 days ago and I can feel it working sometimes other times I am still terribly depressed. I know how it feels. It physically hurts to be depressed. I have to hope it will help with my anxiety. I'm sorry that u can not move sooner. It must be hard to feel stuck. I know that everyone always says exercise helps. For me it does slightly. Do you think there is a group or something u can join in your town?

keenobserver 01-02-2011 12:07 AM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
Hi,
Your situation sounds very unfortunate. You say that you work part time with a temp agency. Is there anyway you can get something more permanent?

I think if you have a lot of free time, you can try to volunteering for charity or something if there is anything nearby. You say you are 48 but you havent mentioned anything about kids. I can only ask whether it is possible for you at this stage to have kids or even adopt, you will find your time being occupied most of the day.

The problem with making friends is that it can take a lot of time before you can enjoy their company and appreciate their time. I would say that if you can start something in a group which you enjoy, you can really benefit from it.
Thanks

eddysmom1 01-03-2011 04:03 AM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
I agree with Keenobserver on the group part. Perhaps you could find a book club, or some type of group that either supports eachother or shares a similiar hobby or interest. It is a good way to meet people.
Maybe you could find a local group, or they must have other types of gatherings, clubs in the town. Do you know of any?

Pippy1224 01-04-2011 02:01 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
I appreciate the responses here. See one of the biggest reasons I want to move is there aren't any groups around here... it's a depressed area. I used to enjoy going to the gym, but they closed last year. The closest gym now is about 30 minutes away.

I do have a child.... but he is 26, he is doing pretty well. I don't long for kids, but I might have a little of that empty nest thing going on.

I'm realizing depression can be debilitating. I don't even like getting out of bed. I find comfort in sleep. It can't be normal to feel so withdrawn in life. When it gets to this point, is medication my only hope?

keenobserver 01-04-2011 11:36 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
Hi,
It would probably be a good thing for you to move out but I suppose it will depend on your husband as well. Just wondering whether you have tried social networking sites to catch up with people from the past, it can be useful to find people who you once enjoyed spending time with.
Medicine is a temporary fix to stabilise your mood. I would not recommend it for your situation though. Doctors may throw pills at you and it may work for a while but you really need to find ways of spending more time doing things you enjoy.
Thanks

kiliwia 01-06-2011 05:20 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
We moved from the west coast to the east coast about 10 years ago and I haven't made any real close friends either. I have a couple of friends from my last job, but we have all since been laid off so I don't see them anymore and talk to them very seldom. I have no family here either, my mom is 8 hours away. My husband has gotten to the point that he can't comfort me anymore, my depression has worn him down too. Twenty five years of this would wear anyone down, so yeah, I know what you mean.

Pippy1224 01-06-2011 06:23 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
[QUOTE=kiliwia;4655631]We moved from the west coast to the east coast about 10 years ago and I haven't made any real close friends either. I have a couple of friends from my last job, but we have all since been laid off so I don't see them anymore and talk to them very seldom. I have no family here either, my mom is 8 hours away. My husband has gotten to the point that he can't comfort me anymore, my depression has worn him down too. Twenty five years of this would wear anyone down, so yeah, I know what you mean.[/QUOTE]

My husband is getting worn down too, and I feel guilty about that, but at the same time I am at the end of my rope. I finally told him I can't wait two years to move out of this area. This is not living! It's not normal to not have any friends. I think he will make an attempt to get going sooner on the move but if he doesn't, I may have to go myself. Bottom line is I can't continue in my present state.... it's killing me.

Then there are the countless times I ask myself..... is it where we live or am I clinically depressed and need medication?

bubbly24 01-07-2011 05:07 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
Hey

Ive come on here tonight for the first time in years - ive visited now and then to have a look but not posted anything. i came on here when i was 21 - im now 29. I cant tell you what a rocky ride with depression and anxiety i have been through - i truly think no one that knows me can truly understand the pain, confusion, and extent of how scary the times i have had to endure have been. Anyway - my journey for happiness and understanding continue but im hoping at the moment im reaching a good place, and even though it has been dreadful, i have gained such a better understanding of why i get down, a better way of coping, and understanding that im not mad, but situations we find ourselves in effect us inside more than we give credit to. we think our situation may not be THAT bad so how can that be making us feel that bad, it must be that we are clynically depressed... maybe so but its often our situation making us so... we as humand NEED certain things. we are wired to need friends, lovers, to be needed, to have stimulting surroundings, to have all our senses satisfied... if one or a couple of these things are missing it will effect our mood and we may not even be aware of what it is thus causing confusion . But, atleast you can pinpoint what your problem is.... it sounds though that you have been so used to having a full life, your friends around you, which sounds the most important thing to you... my advice to you would be to try stop fighting against your situation.. if there is nothing you can do about where you are right now, if you cant move back and let your husband stay there for a while - living apart (although this IS actually an option as mad as you may think it - if it means it keeps you sane - though youd probably miss him huh! ) anyway - my best advice is that you need to ACCEPT and ADAPT - keep these two words in your mind. And if there are really no people around then find things that interest you that you can do alone - tell yourself this is a time in your life for just being you and becoming comfortable doing things by yourself and being your own best friend... it is very hard but you may find you gradually feel more comfortable,,, of course days will come where you feel upset but you have your husband for company those days. you may have to endure 2 years of a very different life but finding ways to cope with it best and adapting to your new situation will make it easier... its not forever... you will go back to your life, to your friends eventually. But - you say there is no one around - there MUST be someone! Dont be afraid to tell someone your situation - admit that you are really overkeen to make friends, tell them you dont mean to scare them... you will find that more people than you realise will have compassion - we are all human and from time to time most of us have found ourselves in similar lonely situations. Find a hobby - get creative, run, walk... buy a dog... get fit, get healthy - i promise, although you may not feel like doing these things that will only cause a circle of a rut .

i hope ive not waffled too much and hope this helps. let us know how you get on. Atleast you have a husband who you love, as it sounds... thats something to treasure so much - enjoy renewing your relationship - dress up for him, play music and dance dance dance... play games... have fun!
take care x

hmj211 01-07-2011 09:17 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
@Pippi: Thank God these message boards are anonymous because I feel pathetic admitting that I have no friends. I self loath about it, which turns into a bizarre vicious cycle of depression, anxiety and lonliness."

Word for word, for all of college, and now, grad school. It is horrible. You have your husband, I hope, and possibly family. Honestly? I look towards the future and realize that it is personally too cognitively, physically and emotionally draining to both work and cultivate a social life, and I feel I have an embarrassingly boring personality myself. I feel frustrated, resentful, and lonely at once, just like you said.

As others have mentioned (sorry to repeat myself), if you need a new, warm, dynamic presence in the house and can handle the responsibility, a dog (or a cat) can be nice...someone new to interact with and do things with, without the same pressure that comes with human relations.
I wish you well.

tinkerbell45 01-10-2011 06:39 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
Hi this is Tinkerbell45 and I want you to know that you are NOT in the way you feel there are MANY people that feel exactly like you do including me. I suffer from SEVERE depression and I am also Bipolar which makes it extremely hard for me to be around people and of course it makes it hard for anyone to want to be around me. I tend to close myself off from the world because its just easier that way. Anyway feel free to drop me a line anytime I will be glad to chat with you I think it would help us both. I hope to hear from you soon until next time TAKE CARE!!!

Pippy1224 01-13-2011 12:42 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
[QUOTE=bubbly24;4656492] ... [/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for your post. It gave me much to think about.

Pippy1224 01-13-2011 12:47 PM

Re: Depression and feeling alone
 
[QUOTE=tinkerbell45;4658630]Hi this is Tinkerbell45 and I want you to know that you are NOT in the way you feel there are MANY people that feel exactly like you do including me. I suffer from SEVERE depression and I am also Bipolar which makes it extremely hard for me to be around people and of course it makes it hard for anyone to want to be around me. I tend to close myself off from the world because its just easier that way. Anyway feel free to drop me a line anytime I will be glad to chat with you I think it would help us both. I hope to hear from you soon until next time TAKE CARE!!![/QUOTE]

Thanks, and also thanks hmj..


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