I am 27 and back in oct. i developed some intense anger, bad thoughts, really BAD anxiety and depression out of nowhere. i started taking lexapro 10 mg and i have since gotten better. my thoughts are more under control and my depression has decreased and i dont have much anger. i just recently found out my aunt is bipolar and takes 2 antidepressants and 2 mood stabilizers. i also have a tendency to think the worst so i am scared that i may have it. although my depression has decreased i still feel it, more on days i have my period and a few days before and after, which i understand is normal but never had it like this since oct. since being on the medicine i feel like i am able to function better, i do have my periods where i just feel like crying and go into the bathroom at work and it makes me feel better and times i have just a overall sadness that i feel inside my body. i still laugh and can put on an act if i wanted to that i am okay but i still feel it. then there are days where i dont feel it at all? is that normal? there are days where i feel pretty good and think how could i have felt like that on the bad days. does that make sense? but now ever since i found out my aunt is bipolar i keep thinking about my moods and if i feel a little too much energy or something i think i am bipolar because there are days where i feel like my mind is racing, like i want to do so many things and feel like i have a lot of enegy but the thing is i never do them. i dont know if that is anxiety or me thinking too much into being bipolar or just normal. whats wrong with me? i use to be so normal!! is it normal to have depression and not feel it everyday or am i really bipolar and on the days i dont feel it i am cycling between mania and depression?
I've been through major depressive disorder, and I stayed depressed constantly, everything wrong in my life was blown out of proportion and seemed worse than it actually was, just because of the state of mind I was in. Now I am like as your describing, it just comes and goes. Some nights I might cry myself to sleep, other nights I'm just fine. When I do take the time to get out there and enjoy myself, I get a natural high from that. I guess someone could say, well your in mania, but that is not so. I just don't let myself get out that much and enjoy things, because I've let my health problems cripple me. I've been more depressed lately than I realized, maybe in a moderate degree of depression, but I don't feel it every moment either, just when things get bad, I usually have reason, but sometimes I feel a sadness and I don't know why, I think it's because of the things I've put up with. I also have a sister and nephew who's been diagnosed with bipolar, my mom and uncle also suffer with depression, and very likely my twin sister and her daughter is bipolar. Depression runs in the family, but just because she's bipolar, doesn't mean that you are. People that I have met with bipolar want to cause or at least have thoughts to harm to their family, some also speed talk. I don't know if that works that way with everyone, I've just seen it with people I know. I think with mania, you get pretty high with your mood, you think your superman and can fly so to speak. Sounds like your just going through mood cycles with depression, in my opinion. You don't sound manic. Lexapro is a good antidepressant, for depression and anxiety, if I get angry it will calm me down too (my stress). If your really uncertain, I think psychologists have a written test you can take for this.
Thank u for ur response. The thing that scares me is that this started with me having bad thoughts and violent images in my head and thoughts and urges to self harm. I never gave into anything but never in my life did I feel that way before...ever!! I don't know if it was underlying depression or ocd or beginning of being bipolar. I had violent urges and images but would never want to act on them. I'm the kind of girl that was never able to kill a bug so when my anger n thoughts started happening it skyrocketed my anxiety and began my depression.
Being that you have experience with bipolar relatives, does that sound like it could be??
It could be, but it could just be depression too if those violent images are of hurting yourself. Depends on what your thinking. The difference would be if you was thinking of overdosing, shooting yourself, drowning, whatever the thought might be, can be due to suicidal thoughts associated with depression. Now if your thinking more along the lines of a self massacre, then yes, I'd worry my thoughts are too extreme for just depression. If your having thoughts of hurting someone else, without good cause say like in the case of abuse, I'd say that's too extreme too.
I can tell you the things that have went on with my family if that helps. I have a sister that snorts lortab up her nose daily. She smokes pot, drinks, she lets her 17 yr old son drink and smoke pot. She cheats on her husband so much, we done lost count. One was with a 20 yr old and she's probably
45. She's very depressed, he's verbally abusive with her, I don't think she has any respect for herself where men are concerned. I went over there on thanksgiving and she tried to give my nephew alcohol and I was like don't you dare, he has to drive me & my daughter home. Well when I went outside, she gave him a good dose of liquor, he's not at the drinking age either. Now she's also shared with me that she's overdosed before, and said she'd like to burn her house up with her husband and both her kids in it. That is the mind of true bipolar disorder. Doctors diagnose this so easily. I cannot believe you think you may have it and they haven't told you that you do, a good therapist will take the time to find out. I had one I met, just met, and just because she knew I had made some suicidal attempts, she said I was bipolar, I never went back to her again. I have never wanted to hurt someone else, and I have never had a manic episode in my life. Well my neice is a speed talker, she has no regards for herself as far as sex goes either. She will sleep with a guy just because he won't stop nagging her. She is also bisexual now. Steals from her own family. She hasn't wanted to hurt someone else or at least hasn't tried. But the kid has been through hell and back, men trying to fondle her (step dad, my brother in law), having a mother that didn't give a crap, her father is dead. Her brother is the type of person that if you make him mad, he wants to kill you. They both been on drugs, pot, alcohol. He has put knives on us, scissors, poles, chased my son with a sword, he's lucky that kid didn't rip his head off. He took a chair and hit my neice in the head with it and put a big hole in her head, she had to go to the ER over it. He won't work, just had a baby with a 16 yr old, refuses to ever work and take care of it, he wants to sponge off DHHR all his life, and my poor mother I guess. He accused my other nephew of sexual assult, only to find out he said the boy was just rubbing his leg and never actually touched him, this was all an attempt to come home after mommy sent him away with my brother. He lied and proved he lied. And I will not talk to him again if that's all he can do. He's the one with the additude, I'm superman, I can fly. I can do whatever I want and get by with it. I will not ever admit to doing wrong, and I am perfect. My mom gets depressed but she is put through so much, taking care of my sister's kids. They dog her. My sister lives right beside of her and she treats her the same way. My twin sister, sorry excuse of a mother she is, she doesn't care if her husband was accused of trying to put his hands on her daughter, she chooses her hubby, she's a pot smoker too. She lets him physically abuse her children, I have called CPS, they wouldn't even investigate. He blows pot in his little kids faces, and oh that's not enough to investigate? Now I have the problems with depression, it stirred up from abuse, and with my autoimmune disease making me feel so bad. I don't do drugs, I used to drink but I quit that, and I have my days I'm mouthy or mad, but overall I have a heart of gold. And I'd do anything for someone, whether I'm able or not. I would take it out on myself before I take it out on someone else, or well, I used to be that way. I kind of like sticking up for myself now instead of getting all depressed and holding it back. I am nothing like my family members. And I do not feel like I have the same issues they do.
Let me tell you something sweetie, don't get so down on yourself for the depression. Life for alot of us is very hard to deal with. I think feelings of sadness, anger, come quite naturally. Sometimes you need help along the way, that is okay.
Also, you mentioned anxiety started your depression. If my anxiety gets out of control, depression will follow. That is something you really need to make sure treatment works for with you. I do feel OCD with my thoughts, but it is because I have generalized anxiety disorder, and when that kicks in, I get very irrational, I can't stop thinking about what is worrying me, it just gets crazy. Anxiety causes depression. Lexapro really helped my anxiety. I haven't had much trouble since.
Last edited by neveragain444; 02-25-2011 at 05:14 PM.
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