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Old 03-17-2011, 07:18 AM   #1
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can someone help me?

hi, i am 39, have been dating my 39 y/o boyfriend for 6mo. we had a great relationship, a perfect match in every way, crazy about ea other, etc. he is divorced, 2 kids w/ issues, crazy ex, etc. he has 15yr history of depression, has been on effexor off and on. well, about a month ago, he decided he wanted to go off the drugs.. horrible withdrawal, and now he is in a major depressive crisis, wants to die, hates himself, says hes a loser, cares about nothing, etc. skipping therapy, i have spoken with his therapist, she is very concerned also. wont go back on meds or talk to therapist, "because i dont want to". says he is "declining all treatment" because nothing has helped. does not even care about me. now, i know that this is the depression talking, but how do i reason with someone who cant be reasoned with?? He says he just wants this to kill him slowly...and that he refuses all help. what do i do!!? please, if anyone can make a suggestion, i would appreciate it!

 
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Old 03-17-2011, 12:54 PM   #2
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Re: can someone help me?

He wants depression to kill him slowly? If I wanted to die, wouldn't want anything slow about it. Fast, easy, and over with.. That doesn't make sense. It's like he's saying I want to live in misery. This is what makes me happy. It is very tough to reason with a person that can't be reasoned with. All you can do with someone in that state of mind is try. Be supportive and caring, and offer advice that might help. If Effexor wasn't helping him, he should have discussed this with his doctor. Just because one medication doesn't work, doesn't mean another won't. If he really wants to feel better, he has to be willing to try. And stopping his medication abruptly and skipping therapy is not trying. Okay so he did that, it didn't help, then you make a new plan, but you don't take matters into your own hands. Since he is feeling suicidal, his doctor should be able to put him in the hospital over this for mental health care whether he would want it or not. I would call and ask.

 
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Old 03-17-2011, 01:42 PM   #3
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Re: can someone help me?

he wants to be miserable because he hates himself so much and thinks he deserves to be miserable! the effexor was workong great, thats the problem... it was working so well, he was fooled into thinking he no longer needed drugs to feel good... whereas we all know that it was the drugs that was keeping him in a good place. he wont call the psciatrist or psychologist even to talk, so how can they do anything...i think by law all they have to do is write a note in the chart saying ' patient refuses treatment, etc'. and then they are releived of responsibility/ liability. i threatened to call an ambulance and he said if they came, he would laugh it off and say that he is fine, that i am the crazy one...so you see what i am dealing with. i have had a pit in my stomach for three weeks, it is such a horrible feeling to feel so helpless.

 
Old 03-18-2011, 08:06 AM   #4
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Re: can someone help me?

You could call his psyciatrist or PCP and ask if they can admit him into the hospital though he is unwilling because he is suicidal and refusing treatment. If they do not want to, you could go to the court house and file a mental hygeine, but there would likely be a court hearing over that to determine if it is needed and it may make him mad at you, but it may also get him the help he needs.

 
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Old 03-18-2011, 05:25 PM   #5
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Re: can someone help me?

i did call the therapist, she called back, i made him talk to her. i convinced him to go back on the meds, and we went to a meeting at the therapists office. still a long way to go, but some progress was made....thanks to everyone for the advice, we will see what happens.

 
Old 03-19-2011, 05:05 AM   #6
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Re: can someone help me?

That's great. Good for you. The problem he had while off the medication really needs addressed. Depression doesn't make you hate yourself. I've been there, I know how it feels to think no one cares, your not worth being loved, your worthless, everyone would be better off if you wasn't around. I am learning to care more about myself, I hope he can find a way to do the same.

 
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