Re: my mom brings me down
Parents can be very "toxic" people. Very co-dependent and carry double standards with their children. I know how you feel about the nit picking, critisim because I grew up with asian parents. They totally emotionally and verbally abuse and destroy you. Its their way of controlling your life.
You need to limit your time with "toxic" people as much as possible even if it's your own mom. She's no good for you at the moment, and if she caused so much emotional self esteem harm to you as a child, I wouldn't have her help raise your son.
If possible don't tell her anything, really, if she doesn't need to know the little things, than keep your mouth shut. I learned with my mom, because I am like 28 yrs old now, that if I don't share anything about my life with her, she won't comment, because there is nothing for her to comment on.
It's hard at first, to shut your mouth when talking about normal things with your mom, because normal people wouldn't respond the way she does, but you have to keep that boundary and set boundaries with her no matter how verbally abusive she becomes, because it is YOUR life, YOUR son, not hers.
You need to find people as your "healthy" mentors as a new mom, with a newly born son, and find advice and support from someone other than your "toxic" mom. If you live together, than that is a problem, but if your mom doesn't live with you and your husband than keep interactions with your mom to much bare minimum, and if possible only over the phone so you can hang up when she gets verbal.
Think of it this way...are you really a bad parent to your child? Are you really a bad person? Are the things you are condemned for by your mom, really do those things really matter? If not, than you got to get away from those toxic people that make you feel that way. If you are worried enough to seek help in forums like this, you are a very good mother to your son, and a good person.