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Old 09-06-2011, 04:03 AM   #1
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Unhappy verbally abusive parents

hi am sneha, my parents don't get along with each other n r always into fighting, heated arguments etc..... When i was 2 or 3 yrs of age , after their quarrel my parents would be angry and verbally abuse me, I don't know why they did so, after every argument with my dad, my mom would say that it was better if I was a stillborn, she used to tell me that i should have been dead , so that she can get out of the marriage. I was too young that time, i used to cry. Then again I in my school I had a teacher, who disliked my parents as well , she too used to vent her anger on me. Later my mom joined me into the school where she was teaching, so that she can take care of my sister. Here i was the teacher's daughter. So my mom was thinking to much about her reputation, and for each move I made, every word I said to my class mates, she would say that it was wrong, (now thinking about that I know that I was not), she was checking , monitoring me every time, and the result of anything I did was failure, she never encouraged me, but she did discourage me, she would say that I would be cursed (I was around 7 or 8 an at that time I believed in God and so these supernatural curses too) . And later I dint make much friends at all, no one talked to me at school, I became a silent person, I can say that I have lived in silence . more on the top of that I had my aunt (mom's sister) who's 18 yrs older than me to make my life hell by her taunts ( she is like that till now and I avoid her, coz I dont want to get depressed and spoil my mood).
At that (during my school) I became overweight , I was ashamed of weight, my complexion(I now know that beauty has nothing to do with complexion), everything about me .Years have passed am 21 now and am depressed I am unable to forget the experience my parents gave me. Even today I cry thinking about all these.I need help. due to all these I am afraid to chat with people (I do chat online but not in person). I need help, am depressed.

 
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:07 AM   #2
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Re: verbally abusive parents

I understand where you are coming from, I had same experiance. You have to move away start a new life. Your parents made you thats it. It your time, what they hated about themselves they put it on you your beautiful no matter what.:-)

 
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:07 PM   #3
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Re: verbally abusive parents

I see you are 21. Is it possible to move away or does your Indian culture dictate that you must stay at home until marriage? If they are still putting you down so viciously, you need to separate yourself from this terrible environment.
I hope all the best for you. You are still young and have a great amount of time to put this behind you and have a great life ahead.

 
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Old 09-06-2011, 08:04 PM   #4
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Re: verbally abusive parents

Its not about moving out, Its about forgetting all those experiences ,which is difficult .

 
Old 09-06-2011, 08:44 PM   #5
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Re: verbally abusive parents

Not true! Never forget! You never forget. So you know how you don't want to be treated. I demand respect I refuse people to treat me less than, because of my race,size,skin color or social background. The first step is to get rid of the negative people in your life. make you happy ! I know you are in India, culture is different but the same as some american customs . No one I do mean no one should feel like they are caged You can be free and happy!

 
Old 09-06-2011, 08:44 PM   #6
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Re: verbally abusive parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by snehajos View Post
Its not about moving out, Its about forgetting all those experiences ,which is difficult .
I see, snehajos. But I think "forgetting" is not the right term. What you need to do is come to peace. I think the best way to do this is to find someone to talk to. Usually, the best person is a licensed professional, like a psychiatrist or a psychologist. If you talk to a trusted friend or loved one, it could get things off your chest but ultimately they won't know how to console you. It happens to me all the time where if I say that I am depressed, someone will just pat me on the back and tell me that I can get over it if I just try. It doesn't work that way.

I don't know how the mental health system is in your country. But you should look into that. Also, I don't know what your religious background is, but perhaps you can talk to a minister or priest in whatever religion. Even if you're not religious, a lot of times, clerics know how to listen to people with problems and to talk to them.

And what about meditation? You advised me about that on my own post, so let me throw that advice right back at you!

Good luck!!

 
Old 10-17-2011, 05:20 AM   #7
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Re: verbally abusive parents

hey am a catholic, i did go 2 a priest, he just said i had a demon.........:P :P :P
did meditation, but am thinking of a professional help for meditation, cos i cant hold on to it for too long!!!

 
Old 10-17-2011, 09:05 AM   #8
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Re: verbally abusive parents

That priest is very irresponsible. It's good you didn't go back to him. I know it's their religion but they have to know and understand how to do basic, non-supernatural counselling too. They can throw a prayer in, if they want, but to say the source of your problems is just a demon is a clue that you should go elsewhere!

 
Old 10-18-2011, 08:58 AM   #9
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Re: verbally abusive parents

Hi,
You seem to be in a very unfortunate situation. You lived all your life thinking that you are a nuisance rather than a blessing. Priests and religious clerics are there to guide you towards religion and will often tell you to pray more to feel better about yourself. Honestly though going through as much as you have in your life though doesnt automatically forget things!
As mentioned, talking helps but long term, the best solution seems to be finding a common ground of communication between you and your parents, after all as you have indicated, their anger isnt at you directly but has affected from a young age. One thing you can do is next time your parent/s start having a go at you, think why they are behaving in that way. This is not easy but just listen to their words, somehow trying to realise why they are behaving like that.
In other moments, how do you spend your free time? Anything you do that makes everything seem sane? It could be hanging out with someone, watching movies or tv shows, reading etc? It will make each passing moment go by easier and will give you a perspective on how you want to live your life in an ideal situation. Planning an ideal situation can make life easier and gives you a sense of hope on what you can achieve as a goal in life.
Hope all this helps. Thanks

 
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Old 10-18-2011, 12:12 PM   #10
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Re: verbally abusive parents

i dont think moving away will sovle anything because if you run away from your problems before long you will run out of places to go
also none of this is your fault
i dont think trying to forget what happened will work either
you need to come to terms with what happened and see it for what it is ,it is not your fault so dont blame yourself
you were a victim of abusive parents and they are the problem not you
i think it was wrong of the priest to say the problem was within you
all i can say is be possitive about yourself .hope this helps

 
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