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Old 10-23-2011, 05:16 PM   #1
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Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

Hi there,

I have struggled with depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and self defeating behavioral issues for most of my life since I was abused both verbally and physically from about age five until I was in my 20's. I never really sought proper treatment because of my self defeating behavior. I have always thought that counseling would never work, and because I am such a procrastinator I would never even get as far as making an appointment. I went to one counselor set up for me by my dad several years ago, but after a couple sessions I felt that it wasn't doing any good so I stopped going. I also took Paxil for a month about a year ago, but I also stopped taking it because I didn't feel any difference.

I am now at the point where this negative behavior is affecting my life far too much and although I have many good days, I have many miserable moments as well. I don't want to destroy and tear myself down anymore. I'm sick of seeing life pass me by rather than being involved in it.

May I ask how you find the proper type of counselor/therapist for the kinds of issues that I described above? Do you just randomly search for therapists and individually look at their specialties to see if they match? Has any one type of therapist proven effective for you? I did get a book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but I read maybe fifty pages. Again the procrastination got the best of me :/

If anyone has any suggestions that they'd like to share, I'd be most appreciative. Thanks!

 
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Old 10-23-2011, 06:52 PM   #2
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Re: Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

Hello maiyen. I found my therapist through a employee assistance program. I described the problems I was going through and the person I talked to had a list of therapists that were experienced with my type of problems. Other ways to find the right type of therapist is by asking your doctor for a referral or getting a recommendation from a family member or friend. You could do online searches for therapists in your area. However, even if they specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, you won't know whether or not they're a good match for you until you talk to them.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has proven effective for me. I also struggle with depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and a pessimistic mindset. When you're looking you may want to consider any preferences you may have such as preferring to talk to a male or female therapist.

Something else to consider is whether you would be willing to try anti-depressants again. For some people therapy alone is enough for them to feel better while others have better results with therapy and medication. If you're not feeling better after a few weeks of therapy you may want to talk to your therapist about whether you should start on a anti-depressant.

I hope you find a good therapist soon.

 
Old 10-25-2011, 03:37 PM   #3
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Re: Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

Hi flamesabers,

Thank you for describing your experience. I will also be utilizing my employee assistance program so that's very helpful information.

I got intrigued with CBT when I picked up the book, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy." Unfortunately my procrastination is so bad, I only managed to read about fifty pages and I haven't looked at the book since :/

I hope that you've been feeling well lately...and thanks again!

 
Old 10-26-2011, 08:05 AM   #4
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Re: Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

Hi,
Seems like your depression has really shaped your life. As your dad took you to a councellor, seems like you had some form of decent childhood. The only thing I can really think of telling you is making you do things that you enjoy the most, you say that you have good days and not so good days, how do the good days go? Perhaps there is something that you can do regularly with others. For example, if you enjoy solving puzzles, perhaps you can solve them most of the day. It will negate your negative thoughts and slowly change your outlook on life. This will take time though but at the same time you will notice if it is making a difference.
Let us know what you think. Thanks

 
Old 10-26-2011, 10:59 AM   #5
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Re: Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

Quote:
Originally Posted by maiyen View Post
I hope that you've been feeling well lately...and thanks again!
Your welcome. I've been doing okay.

If you have health insurance, I think something to consider is whether your insurance will cover your visits with the therapist you select assuming you want to continue therapy after you've used the number of visits allotted by your employee assistance program. I say this because I had a bit of a problem with getting my insurance to cover my visits because my therapist is an out-of-network provider. I eventually got the issue resolved but it was a frustrating process. I think the last thing anyone needs is to have to postpone treatment because of insurance issues.

 
Old 11-01-2011, 10:09 AM   #6
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Re: Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

I just joined and have only posted once before, but already I'm going to sound like a broken record... I can relate to your issues, and have learned many things over the years about this subject.
1. Finding a M.D. Psychiatrist that you trust completely and can be 100% honest with is the first step. Counseling can work wonders, but the self-defeating behavior may not be limited to a psychological source. It may be from depression or any other classifications of symptoms = diagnoses. Keep trying until you find one. The same thing applies in finding a psychologist.
2. Reduce stress. It can and will do permanent and irreversible to damage to both your body and your brain, specifically the hippocampus.
3. This is the hardest: In the mean time, try to be patient and understand that psychology and psychiatry and even neurology are still relatively young branches of science. They only have your testimony and history to go by, unless there is an unknown brain injury of some type. A good psychiatrist will take your facts and investigate this until a treatment direction is indicated. The first one might not work, but you can never, ever give up. You must learn patience.
4. If you do internet research of your own, stick to trusted and verifiable sources.
5. Write down, as thoroughly as possible, your history with anything relative to moods, etc. Keep a journal (I know- procrastination... but it will help tremendously) of your day to day moods, activities, everything. This can seriously help the process of communicating to your Dr. what has been going on. If you are like me, you will also be quite surprised to back and read what you have written on previous occasions. It can be eye-opening.

Peace!

 
Old 11-18-2011, 02:28 PM   #7
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Re: Best Type of Counseling for Self Defeating Behavior

I know that it has been awhile, but I just wanted to thank you all for your advice.

keenobserver, I did have a decent childhood. I just felt constant anxiety and stress because I never knew (what I call the wrath) was going to come or how bad each episode was going to be. I think my good days are just that I don't get down; I don't feel ugly, a burden to someone, alone, particularly stressed at work, etc...and maybe something small happened that was a pick me up. I cooked a good meal that someone else enjoyed, I went to the zoo and got to see all the critters, or maybe I just spent the day shopping with a friend. I am a very creative person and I love all things Art, architecture, and interior design. I've been wanting to create some Art, learn how to knit, sew, and all kinds of other stuff, but my procrastination and my fear of failure (because that's one of my issues) has stopped me from doing these things for years.

flamesabers, I was able to get some more info from my insurance and found a way to locate therapists in-network and who participate in the EAP program. I agree, it would definitely be ideal to avoid insurance issues!

Art486, I have had many medical professionals tell me that I have GOT to reduce my stress (my neurologist, general practitioner, and most recently a physical therapist). I just haven't figured out how to do it yet. Take a person who can't seem to relax, feels as if everything is her fault, stresses over both existing problems and problems that haven't even occurred yet, and procrastinates...it's just trouble. I did finally reach out to a couple of psychologists that I thought might be a good fit, but unfortunately neither of them have responded back to me. I was hoping to do an initial consultation just to see if their range of specialties would include the types of issues that I've been dealing with, but oh well...guess I will keep looking.

Thanks again for your feedback.

 
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