So, i'm 41, divorced for several years and i have a pretty debilitating panic disorder and depression. i live alone. My mom died last year and i have no family around the area i live in. i'm a musician and teach from home, and unfortunately the way he economy is going, students have dropped like flies. So, i have very little income now.
My anxiety makes it difficult if not impossible for me to just go out and pound the pavement for work. As it does for finding a girl. i'm in therapy, but i think its only mildly helpful. i wont do meds, other than xanax as needed, as i have a blood/needles/med phobia as well.
i feel so alone. i have a few friends that i make an attempt to see, but they have wives and families so visits are always at their houses and despite at least getting out of my house, it still reminds me of the things i dont have.
As i said, its difficult for me to go out. Its even more difficult for me to approach strangers and say hi and start up a conversation.
i guess my question is... does anyone feel this way? This total feeling outside of the rest of the world. And what are some concrete things you have done that start to alleviate he pain and perhaps create some sort of schedule of manageable things to help recover?
Thanks for any ideas. i appreciate it greatly.
The following user gives a hug of support to Jagraal: Ayria (11-01-2011)
Hi Jagraal. I can relate to some of what you said, especially the part about getting out of the house reminding you of what you don't have. Something that helps me is to remind myself it's unrealistic to expect I should make huge changes in my life overnight. I know that probably doesn't sound very optimistic but it's useful with not putting impossible standards on myself.
What kind of therapy are you in? And have you talked to the therapist about not getting much out of the therapy? I'm doing individual therapy now and in a few weeks I'll be starting group theory for general anxiety and maybe later on I'll join a social anxiety group. The individual therapy has helped me but I think it would be beneficial for me to interact with people having the same issues as myself.
Something else that helps me is setting goals for myself, whether they're big or small. Setting and completing goals reminds me I'm moving forward with my life even though I may not feel like I am sometimes.
i appreciate the response. The anxiety group is a good idea, i've done it before. i have to use the little money i have for my personal therapist right now, tho, so i have none left over for the group. i do find it helpful to have others that suffer with the same thing i do around.
Do you (or anyone else) have some specific things you do each day, that you can do by yourself, that may help to dig you out of a hole? For example, i came up with the idea to go to a local coffee place and sit for a bit, thinking maybe someone will talk to me eventually. i'm way too shy to make contact myself, but at least it puts me out there. i just need a whole list of specific things like this to try and dig myself out, i guess. Was wondering what ppl do when they're alone and depressed and dont want to be.
Aw, this thread made me sad. I think it would be great for you to try and get into some more hobbies or throw yourself into some kind of new exciting project (as hard as it is to probably find anything exciting) I know what it's like being anti-social but if you find a new hobby, you may meet new friends from that.
I really hope life improves for you, my heart goes out to you. Take care.
The Following User Says Thank You to Ayria For This Useful Post: Jagraal (11-01-2011)
Do you (or anyone else) have some specific things you do each day, that you can do by yourself, that may help to dig you out of a hole?
Walking through the park everyday can help to improve my mood. Journaling also helps me both in writing down my thoughts and rereading what I wrote earlier. I also try to be mindful of when and why I feel better or worse. I strive to remember that even though I can feel horrible at a particular time, that doesn't mean I'm always going to feel that way.
The Following User Says Thank You to flamesabers For This Useful Post: Jagraal (11-01-2011)
Hi, I understand how you feel. I used to be so shy and isolate myself. I didn't know how to communicate with people and would keep my mouth shut but a few years ago, I learned that to have people talk to me, I had to initiate being friendly because most everyone is nervous to say the first words. It has helped me a lot to get out of myself and not be so self-conscious. I think writing your feelings down and finding something that you love to do would be a good start. Do you like to draw, write, garden, play sports, walking helps to see beauty around you and find things to be thankful for. I have learned to have a attitude of gratitude and have made choices to see good things and not go by my feelings so much. We all need friends or someone to talk to and be close to. When I isolated myself, I was miserable and I realized that my love tank inside me was empty. I hope you find something you can look forward to and make new friends. Coffee shops are great for sharing conversations or books you have read, etc. You are a unique individual and have something to offer someone. Best wishes, my friend.
Thanks, Renko. i do have some things i love, but most times now its difficult to find much enjoyment form them. i loved my music.. i think i do it pretty well, but years ago a focal dystonia took alot of my ability to play away. This is my only source of income and was my one true love. Through all the stuff life has thrown at me and some of my decisions i feel like i've thought myself into a box that i cant get out of. i understand things on a cognitive level but it still doesnt seem to do much for the sometimes intense pain.
i just dont know what to do, as it gets pretty unbearable sometimes. So, i try and find little things that will at least make me do something or interact with people. i know it will only get worse if i totally shut down. Hence my post.. i just wondered if people had a list of things they did by themselves to turn things around. i do appreciate your and everyone's responses.
Hi I'm so sorry you are suffering with this ailment and it sounds very crippling but I've had two bouts with cancer and have to get a shot of cortisone every three months for my back and I am thankful that I can walk and work. Do you have any family or friends who would take you places or just sit outside and enjoy nature with your music. Also I found a Website with a support group, www.dystonia-foundation.org and there may be people in your area that could reach out to you and vice versa. Try to live outside the box and keep reaching out. There is a young man name Nick Vujicic who has no arms or legs but his life is without limits and you can look him up on the Web. He is inspirational and shares his faith and family support. I can't complain when I see him. Also Joni Erickson broke her neck and is paralyzed and yet she sends wheelchairs overseas for handicapped poor children. There is much to be done. I pray you find faith too in Jesus who has helped me alot too. Take care and I'm praying for you.
Thanks for the support, Renko. i'm sorry to hear about your own struggles, my heart goes out to you.There a re certainly alot of sources of inspiration and people that have it worse than i, for sure. i try to take some solace in that.
And no, not alot of family around here for me. i moved here years ago, away from my family. i have some friends but they're all married with kids. i do make an effort to get out and see them, because i know thats probably better than sitting in my house alone, which i do alot. But still... it's kinda a reminded to me in ways of the things i'll probably never have at this point.