Have been depressed for who I am for 10 years!
It had been quite a long time before I could find a website where it is worthwhile to post my thoughts.
People may think that I am ridiculous for being depressed for being ugly but it is the way it is. I really hope that there would be some thoughts that would lead to a permanent solution which I could stick with for the rest of my life.
By the way, English is not my first language and it is a bit long so please excuse me.
I am a male in my mid-20s and there have never been a girl who shows interests in me. I am introvert, shy, unsmart and passive.
I have always been depressed about why I am not good looking and in fact quite bad looking I think.
My nose tip for some reason is bigger than other people's and my nose bridge is quite flat. My nostrils are weird looking as well they are like a pair of triangles. If you ask me to describe my nose, i would say it looks like a cow's nose. My nose skin is bad too scattered with patches of tiny blood vessels. I hate looking at the mirror and of course taking pictures. I am short as well only 5 ft 5. Because of this appearance issue, I had been picked on many times when I was young. Some people laughed at the way I looked and I got more and more depressed every day. ( I don't really care what people think about me if I feel good about myself but the thing is that I feel the same way too. It looks ugly.) I am so depressed to a degree when I want to break the mirrors and quit all the works that I am supposed to do. As a result, I got a very low GPA before graduation and have received a lot of oral warnings on my job performance.
When I am walking on the street, I usually get more depressed when seeing couples/women who are good looking and tall. I walk with my head up, pretending to be confident and not caring what people think, but deep down inside I would always die for a 2nd eye from women which of course has never happened to me despite of some humiliations I get on how weird looking I am . It is always like if I am not feeling inferior for not getting any attentions from women, I am feeling hyper-sensitive about being ridiculed by good looking couples. It is hard to be a co-incidence that when I get looked at it would then follow by a shocking voice(wow) and then laughter. It is hard to imagine I have been feeling this way for the last ten years.
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I have no friends at all not to mention about gfs. Constantly and easily being bored I know part of me is responsible for it as I am not that active looking for friendships. I always feel lack of energy to do anything, more so when I look at the way I look.
For the past many years, I have been receiving a lot of advices online about how to be optimistic like " beauty is on the eyes of the beholders", " looking does not matter", "money is the king", " you are beautiful in your own ways", "god will always love you the way you are" and "confidence in man is what it counts". None of these has helped me in getting back my life in order because it is not what I am seeing in this world. What I have been seeing is that good looking people always have a better chance of getting another attractive half. It is rare, almost never, that I have seen someone who has a similar configuration to mine will have an attractive partner except those who are super rich and famous.
I had taken anti-depressant for 6 months and it did not help at all. It just made me sleepless and depressed after I withdrawn it.
I am very depressed every day and I have always been wanting to get out of this problem but just could not.
I know I should be happy for being healthy and not having to worry about lack of food and living but I just don't think I could live with feeling inferior all the time. I just don't think there would be an angel coming down from the heaven one day and say " I don't care about you being not attractive and lookism, I just love you for who you are. "
Last edited by HowCanItBe; 12-16-2011 at 06:08 AM.