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Old 12-17-2011, 09:11 AM   #1
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JMUPatrick HB User
I need help. Any Residential treatment centers in New York State?

I know this is a familiar tale, but I just need to get it out there. I'm 30, handsome, clean cut... On the outside, I'm everything I am supposed to be. On the inside, I'm screaming for help.

I'm just a sad guy, no matter what I do. I'm drowning in debt. I'm finishing my master's degree, but the job market is so bleak and the pay in my particular field so low, I don't feel like I will ever be able to make a substantial living for myself. I feel like it is impossible for me to feel happiness anymore.

Because of my neuroses, I have been in 3 failed mini-relationships since the fall, and my heart can't take the devastation anymore. I think about suicide all the time as a way to escape from myself, but I know the pain it would cause my family, especially my mother. I couldn't bear that guilt even in death. Still, I feel like I am constantly on the verge where the semi-rational person who is writing this message now is battling internally with this wild, caged animal. All it would take is one more detrimental episode in my life to send me whirling over the edge.

What sucks most is, I don't look at all crazy. I look perfect. I look perfect in my perfectly starched shirts, my perfectly shined shoes, my perfectly cute downtown apartment where everything is arranged just so... No one really gets or understands what it is like inside my head.

I don't know what caused this. I am vehemently distrustful of everyone, I am impatient to a fault, I am addicted to some not-so-nice things... but at the same time, I am so full of love and want to share that love with someone forever. WHAT IS THIS??? Is it chemical? Is it the result of some repressed childhood memory? All I know is that I need help or I will die. I have tried to help myself for years and obviously it is not working.

The feelings I have inside are so extreme, I would like to admit myself to a residential facility. The problem is, at least from my own assumptions, private facilities are costly and do not take insurance. Actually, I don't know... do any facilities take insurance for this sort of thing? It's not like I have a drug addiction or an eating disorder. I am just ******* sad. Can anyone offer guidance?

Thanks for reading.

 
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Old 12-17-2011, 09:52 PM   #2
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Jagraal HB UserJagraal HB UserJagraal HB UserJagraal HB UserJagraal HB UserJagraal HB User
Re: I need help. Any Residential treatment centers in New York State?

JM, really sorry to hear it, man. Depression is really a combination of stuff you've genetically inherited and what's gone on and is going on in your life. What really matters is how its affecting you right now and what you can do about it, and not so much the reasons why. It takes work, but it is totally treatable. Sometimes you just can't do it by yourself.

i live in NY, too, but i'm sorry to say i don't know specifically of any facilities. i would suggest, in the meantime (if you haven't already), find a therapist that has experience dealing with depression. Sounds like it would really be a good time to talk to someone to help you navigate things. In combination with this, they may be able help you find someone to talk to about medication.

Try to be in the moment as much as you can. Don't think too long and hard abut the future, like debt or finding someone to love. These things could potentially turn around quickly for the better. Life is weird like that; there's always possibility. Sometimes we just dont think that way or see it because the depression clouds our judgement. Use the energy you'd spend on really getting dark about things and put it into action. Do your best to find what you're looking for in small stages, don't try to look at the big picture all the time. Work on your life right now. Treat yourself with respect. Even if it's something as silly as cleaning up your room. Believe it or not, these small things tell the inner you that you deserve something nice. And the small things will add up.

But definitely reach out and get some help, even if its just a personal therapist.

 
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