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Old 01-13-2012, 10:02 PM   #1
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Sad

So, first post. I'm in my 20s and I hate knowing and putting up with the fact that I don't hear good, so I get confused at times. I was sick as a kid and I had to put up with depression ever since that happened. I feel that I pretty much learned everything about life and that the humanity has failed me and it's no wonder that II am sad, mostly daily. I'm also wondering, what do you do to overcome boredom? People won't talk to me and I'm pretty much useless for society it seems. Everytime I try to make a friend or talk to a girl, and they just won't get me or whatever.

What good am I for? For me it would seem that only those who are perfect live a successful and healthy life.

Right now I'm trying to get a degree in something, but...
Any advice? Thanks.

One more thing - if I didn't get sick when I was little, I feel that I would've been more successful at this point, living on top of the world. But I don't see it happening.

 
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Old 01-15-2012, 11:22 PM   #2
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: Sad

Well, first off, don't use your illness as an excuse. Find something worthwhile that you like to do and do it. Volunteer, use your time and skills to help other people....it's very cathartic and can make you feel really good about yourself....you also tend to meet really nice, caring, selfless people in the process. Don't try so hard, just let life happen. As far as your degree is concerned....what do you "want" to do? Are you at the stage where you have to decide, or can you take some time and still work on your basic coursework, and decide on the degree once you've thought about what will make you happy? As far as your childhood illness and being let down by humanity, sounds like you never quite delt with all that....ever thought of seeing a counselor or therapist and talking it out? Need to get rid of the baggage dude and get on with your life. I've been sick a lot, had over 30 surgeries in the last 15 years, spent alot of that time in hospitals, with doctors.....hell, I don't walk too good....but I'm not sad about it...it's just a fact of my life....fate didn't "do" it to me, it's just what it is. Your hearing difficulty is just what it is....part of you....you need to accept that and deal...learn to be the best you can be in spite of it, not because of it. Adapt and grow.....and you'll be happier. It's not the same world it was 20 years ago...those of us with disabilities are not all that special anymore, the world has adapted to us....there are tons of help for us....you know....you just have to find it and make it available to yourself...it's out there. But, the thing is you can't wait around for someone to do it for you, you have to get busy helping yourself.

Hang in there, and seriously think about the therapy thing....sounds like you have some issues to work out. Your happiness won't come from other people....it's going to start right inside of You!

Kat

 
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annodomini (01-18-2012)
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Old 01-16-2012, 01:32 AM   #3
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Re: Sad

I just thought I would add this -

Some people who have made incredible lives for themselves, and have or had some kind of illness or disability.

Steven Hawking - world-famous physicist - motor neuron disease
Christopher Reeve - "Superman" - paralyzed after a fall
Dick Clark - tv personality - stroke
Michael J. Fox - actor - Parkinson's
Franklin Roosevelt - president - polio as a child left him paralyzed
Steve Jobs - Apple co-founder - pancreatic cancer
Billy Mays - infomercial salesman - hypertensive heart disease
Samuel L. Jackson - actor - had a stutter as a child
Theodore Roosevelt - president - asthma as a child, told it to shove off and became a champion boxer, black belt in jujitsu, rode with the Rough Riders, and was just generally a manly, awesome man.

These men either accepted their disease and did what they wanted to anyway, or they just ignored it and became amazing ( see Teddy Roosevelt ). It's not easy, and nobody ever said it was, but there's no good reason that everyone else can't make their lives what they want them to be. I hope that this gives you some encouragement!

 
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Old 01-16-2012, 03:41 AM   #4
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Re: Sad

Oh, I thought mods deleted my thread. Well, here it goes...I see they edited my post a bit and took out words I said. Anyway...

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Well, first off, don't use your illness as an excuse. Find something worthwhile that you like to do and do it. Volunteer, use your time and skills to help other people....it's very cathartic and can make you feel really good about yourself....you also tend to meet really nice, caring, selfless people in the process. Don't try so hard, just let life happen.
I actually did apply to volunteer for the local library...guess they're full or either the online application sucks. I try to ignore the challenge I face and move on, yet it's too distracting and hinders my happiness and successes I hope for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
As far as your degree is concerned....what do you "want" to do? Are you at the stage where you have to decide, or can you take some time and still work on your basic coursework, and decide on the degree once you've thought about what will make you happy?
I went to art college for this fall semester, I didn't like it too much...it was a lot pressuring and would get drowned a lot from the confusion. It's a terrible feeling and experience. I attended all classes and I'd miss a lot of words from peers around, especially professors. It makes you feel like you're a nobody, like a dog. It's been like that for years, I always hated it and still do...but I can say that I did manage to obtain high school diploma, though! However, I've decided to change my direction of study - hopefully engineering will give me hope...

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
As far as your childhood illness and being let down by humanity, sounds like you never quite delt with all that....ever thought of seeing a counselor or therapist and talking it out? Need to get rid of the baggage dude and get on with your life.
I've been seeing a counselor at art college and he did kind of help me a bit. Actually, I've been seeing plenty of counselors and I'm still in a terrible state. It's like my mind is pretty much set into the reality and truth and self doubt. It all comes down from experience in life and how much most of cases left me feeling in despair. I just keep thinking that it's best to put myself out of existence, and it's frustrating I guess. I've been thinking like that for years. No matter how strong I try to be, I still feel crushed by lack of company and confidence. Maybe it is the society that is becoming a more strange place to live in, or either it must be me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
I've been sick a lot, had over 30 surgeries in the last 15 years, spent alot of that time in hospitals, with doctors.....hell, I don't walk too good....but I'm not sad about it...it's just a fact of my life....fate didn't "do" it to me, it's just what it is.
I hope those years didn't leave you in a sea of hospital bills and hidden fees, hopefully you're getting better each day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Your hearing difficulty is just what it is....part of you....you need to accept that and deal...learn to be the best you can be in spite of it, not because of it. Adapt and grow.....and you'll be happier. It's not the same world it was 20 years ago...those of us with disabilities are not all that special anymore, the world has adapted to us....there are tons of help for us....you know....you just have to find it and make it available to yourself...it's out there. But, the thing is you can't wait around for someone to do it for you, you have to get busy helping yourself.
Okay, maybe the problem is I'm too damn shy and guilty to reach out for help and resources...I remember that I was told I could use an FM system in high school classes - I always refused to use it...you know how awkward it would be, because I'm not like that and it's not me. It brings you a lot of shame upon yourself and you just can't help it. But, thank god I'm an adult now I guess. Still, I feel that my life is a waste.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Hang in there, and seriously think about the therapy thing....sounds like you have some issues to work out. Your happiness won't come from other people....it's going to start right inside of You!

Kat
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to find an excellent therapist or either costs a lot of money for one...but again, like I said - they are likely to tell me what I already know. However, I appreciate your sincere response to my original post. I'll try not to think about methods of offing myself, but yeah.

By the way, I recently learned the saying, and it goes "Life has no remote, you have to get up and change it yourself"...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sachimi View Post
I just thought I would add this -

Some people who have made incredible lives for themselves, and have or had some kind of illness or disability.

Steven Hawking - world-famous physicist - motor neuron disease
Christopher Reeve - "Superman" - paralyzed after a fall
Dick Clark - tv personality - stroke
Michael J. Fox - actor - Parkinson's
Franklin Roosevelt - president - polio as a child left him paralyzed
Steve Jobs - Apple co-founder - pancreatic cancer
Billy Mays - infomercial salesman - hypertensive heart disease
Samuel L. Jackson - actor - had a stutter as a child
Theodore Roosevelt - president - asthma as a child, told it to shove off and became a champion boxer, black belt in jujitsu, rode with the Rough Riders, and was just generally a manly, awesome man.

These men either accepted their disease and did what they wanted to anyway, or they just ignored it and became amazing ( see Teddy Roosevelt ). It's not easy, and nobody ever said it was, but there's no good reason that everyone else can't make their lives what they want them to be. I hope that this gives you some encouragement!
There's also a successful radio host, his name is Rush Limbaugh and has a cochlear implant...except his situation is different than mine as he had natural hearing nearly his whole life. I believe I knew these names you're talking about and could name others you haven't mentioned....but, I still feel down about my situation and I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I am trying to change it so I could find a decent job with decent income to support myself, but yet it still seems impossible.

If you were stuck in your head and people understand you little when you talk, it would literally drive you crazy which leads to dark thoughts of self-harm. It's just like this, been like that for years. It's a torture. You get ignored, you could barely make a good friend or two or find a girlfriend, however I'm still trying to improve myself.....I just don't know how long I have to take it.

Thanks for your response, Sachimi.

 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:42 PM   #5
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Re: Sad

Dude, you seem like a nice guy, but seriously what's with all the excuses???

Find a good therapist that you like, that fits with you, NO, it is not easy...it takes some work, but it is worth it...umm...I've been through 17 pdocs in 23 yrs.....I found the right one i've been with him for the last 6 years.

So art school was a bust, good thing you figured it out before you got stuck in a dead end art career right? You like engineering? Then start checking in with your school and find out what adaptation are available to you to make school easier for your hearing situation and kick ***!

Get out of your head, out of your house and just go do something....take a walk, quit hiding from everyone....you tried 1 volunteer thing, kinda in a half-*** way.....umm try again.

Sorry if I"m a bit direct...but life is short man...and I used to be alot like you....I used to lay around figuring out really easy ways to "not be" anymore.....living is not easy..especially when life stacks the deck against you....but hey the good things are never easy, what's the fun in that????


Get up, get out, and get on with life, quit making excuses as to why you can't do everything.......that's not doing you any favors.

kat

 
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Old 01-17-2012, 09:45 PM   #6
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Re: Sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Dude, you seem like a nice guy, but seriously what's with all the excuses???
I'm sorry. I had hard time growing up and it's incredibly hard to live like this. In this case, you pretty much don't talk to anyone and it's almost like living in a jail. Everytime I go out, and it just bothers me that I fail at carrying on the decent conversation with anyone verbally. It just drives me crazy and makes me not want to live. 99% of time I get confused and it sucks. However, I'm trying to fix myself, but still...

I actually thought about becoming a doctor once or twice so I could fix my ears and regrow the haircells I lost, so that I could get somewhere in life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Find a good therapist that you like, that fits with you, NO, it is not easy...it takes some work, but it is worth it...umm...I've been through 17 pdocs in 23 yrs.....I found the right one i've been with him for the last 6 years.
Therapists are probably a waste of time, I already seen too many. I guess you insist that I keep trying....I just need to work on getting somewhere in life right now. But, knowing that I don't hear good, I'm afraid that I won't. I'm afraid of everything, literally.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
So art school was a bust, good thing you figured it out before you got stuck in a dead end art career right? You like engineering? Then start checking in with your school and find out what adaptation are available to you to make school easier for your hearing situation and kick ***!
Yes I agree with you there. I now know what's it like to be at college for me, especially in my situation. Unfortunately, I will be taking science and physics in the following months (courses I didn't take back in high school, wish I did - I should sue the government or something, or the high school itself) so I can study engineering which starts in fall. AS LONG AS I don't screw up...

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Get out of your head, out of your house and just go do something....take a walk, quit hiding from everyone....you tried 1 volunteer thing, kinda in a half-*** way.....umm try again.
I think a lot, so it's kind of hard to actually get out of my head...don't get me wrong though, I do believe in true meaning of progress and advancement, and I guess I'm shy which can be another obstacle to path of success. Hopefully I get high grades in science and physics...

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Sorry if I"m a bit direct...but life is short man...and I used to be alot like you....I used to lay around figuring out really easy ways to "not be" anymore.....living is not easy..especially when life stacks the deck against you....but hey the good things are never easy, what's the fun in that????
There's nothing to be sorry for. I feel that I pretty much learned everything about life and that it might be the best time for me to go. However, I do appreciate your support. As long as my plan for engineering doesn't fail...

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Get up, get out, and get on with life, quit making excuses as to why you can't do everything.......that's not doing you any favors.

kat
You make a lot of good points, kat. I saw your statements on how much you take pills daily. That's quite a lot of different pills you have to take daily, and I'm quite baffled by this. I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem right. Seems your healthcare system is sucking the money out of you, no?

I guess I do need to seek what favors me, after all. Seek solutions, seek plans...yet I'm still blind by the despair. Again, please don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for a pity party or anything which viewers of this thread might think - it's merely the anger and frustration.

 
Old 01-18-2012, 04:03 PM   #7
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Re: Sad

I had to go back up and see where you were from. The United States of America did not design my body,,,it did not give me crappy parts that don't work and had to be removed, it did not give me multiple diseases that have to be managed through multiple medications....yes I do have to take 13 plus medications and 2 injections a day to live, walk and breathe...is that the U.S. governments fault...ummmm..NO. They are not sucking anything out of me. I have very good health insurance that pays for all of my treatment. My many, many surgeries have cost me hardly anything, they have not bankrupted me or put me in the poor house....I have 2 college degrees and am a Certified Paralegal...I can afford to live, take care of myself and pay for my medical treatments and medications, so I'm not sure why you keep jumping back on that train. I don't believe in socialized healthcare, I don't have a problem paying for my own health insurance nor do I have a problem paying for my own medications and medical treatment, I like being in control and having some say in what happens to my body, thank you very much.

I think I've pretty much given you all the advice I can give you, you seem to be stuck on the same old excuses....until you get out of that "loop" your not going to get anywhere....so my advice...try harder...

Good Luck,

Kat

 
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