New to board... looking for support
Hi... It's been quite a while since I have been to this place -- by this place, I mean the lonely hole that is my major depressive episode. Last time I saw this hole was 2003, and I went to the hospital for awhile... then spent a lot of time in therapy and on Zoloft... I seemed to climb back out, and I went on to have a daughter in 2004 and life was OK. I left my daughter's father in 2009 and a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I could honestly say I was thriving for two good years. I ran a couple marathons, I was in the best shape of my life. I was a good mother...
So what the hell happened? I feel like all that just disappeared in a puff of smoke. Over a year ago, my ex and I hooked up a few times and began this affair that I will admit was not healthy at all. He was (and still is) with his girlfriend and saw me on the side. It was degrading and completely eroded what self esteem I had built up. I got pregnant last summer and he hounded me to get an abortion -- so I did, and I ended things right after that. Just a month or so later come to find out his girlfriend is now pregnant -- and they are having that baby that I was supposed to have. I am very devastated about the baby I gave up -- despite how he/she was conceived, that was to be my daughter's baby brother or sister... and he/she was just replaced like that. The ex doesn't give it a second thought.
So here I am. I am on Celexa now instead of Zoloft, but I don't have insurance this time around, so I cannot go to therapy. I feel all on my own this time. Lonely, ashamed... I think I am just searching for a virtual hug right now. Are there any out there?