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Old 04-08-2012, 09:48 PM   #1
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Pepnchar HB User
New to board... looking for support

Hi... It's been quite a while since I have been to this place -- by this place, I mean the lonely hole that is my major depressive episode. Last time I saw this hole was 2003, and I went to the hospital for awhile... then spent a lot of time in therapy and on Zoloft... I seemed to climb back out, and I went on to have a daughter in 2004 and life was OK. I left my daughter's father in 2009 and a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I could honestly say I was thriving for two good years. I ran a couple marathons, I was in the best shape of my life. I was a good mother...

So what the hell happened? I feel like all that just disappeared in a puff of smoke. Over a year ago, my ex and I hooked up a few times and began this affair that I will admit was not healthy at all. He was (and still is) with his girlfriend and saw me on the side. It was degrading and completely eroded what self esteem I had built up. I got pregnant last summer and he hounded me to get an abortion -- so I did, and I ended things right after that. Just a month or so later come to find out his girlfriend is now pregnant -- and they are having that baby that I was supposed to have. I am very devastated about the baby I gave up -- despite how he/she was conceived, that was to be my daughter's baby brother or sister... and he/she was just replaced like that. The ex doesn't give it a second thought.

So here I am. I am on Celexa now instead of Zoloft, but I don't have insurance this time around, so I cannot go to therapy. I feel all on my own this time. Lonely, ashamed... I think I am just searching for a virtual hug right now. Are there any out there?

Thanks

 
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: Pepnchar
Holgrave (04-09-2012), KosmoKramer (04-09-2012)
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Old 04-09-2012, 07:32 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Buffalo, NY, US
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KosmoKramer HB UserKosmoKramer HB User
Re: New to board... looking for support

Seems like you need to forgive yourself and get rid of the guilt you feel from decisions you made. Obviously we can't change the past but it still can haunt us until we accept it. You are on the right path now. Books by Eckhart Tolle really helped me in my depression since you can't afford therapy. We all make mistakes and have regrets. We have to be at peace with them.

 
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