I don't really understand what's wrong with me . I came to this forum asking for help , or just letting it all out .
I'm turning 16 in 2 days & i'm an Egyptian girl . Last year since the beginning of June life has sucked so hard .. I'm not going to lie & say I was never happy , because I was several times , I find excitement in a lot of things . But times come where I completely want to vanish from existence .. Just like now . Last June 2011 , my boyfriend cheated on me .. That .. Destroyed me . He was my first love ever , he cheated me & it made me feel so god damn worthless , I've lost all self-confidence . I've lost about .. 10-8 Kgs in less than a year .. I began self-injury & I still do , & every time it's worse than the one before . I've considered suicide but never did .. Because i'm a Muslim & I'd go to hell .. I wouldn't like that very much . all of this isn't because my boyfriend let me or whatever , it's because of what he made me feel .. I was already insecure & he just ruined my life like that .. I feel so worthless .. I feel so fat .. I feel so ugly .. I hate myself so so so so much .. I am so unclean , I do not care about my inner appearance since I wear Hijab , I could stay for a month without bathing or changing my underwear . Please don't judge . But I would really like to know , this utter carelessness towards hygiene , does this have a specific explanation ? This has been going for years .. I'd leave my sandwiches in my bags for weeks till they rot , my underwear would be too dirty that I'd be afraid to put them in the laundry & my mom would yell at me so I hide them , UNCLEAN .
Please don't judge me .. I'm coming here to understand what is wrong with me ? Is this depression ? Or am I over reacting ? What can I do to make myself feel better ? I have my IGCSE's very soon & I'm feeling so down to study & I'm afraid I'll fail .. Please help me .. My world is falling apart right now. I want to die . And please don't tell me that my past relationship isn't Love because there aren't any love between teens , idc , I've been through it and now I'm going through hell ever since .. Please don't tell me this is stupid , even if it is stupid for you it's a big big deal for me . Sorry if this is in a wrong place .
Last edited by Laurawelber; 04-13-2012 at 02:33 PM.
It seems like you have gone through a comple chaos. I understand that you have been betrayed and something tells me your entire outlook on life changed during your relationship and something you have not been able to overcome. You say that you hide things away from your mum, did your mother know about your relationship?
What has happened is now in the past. Your are 16, there will be a lot of ups and downs in life but life still continues. The good thing about this age is that there are a lot of trials and errors from which you can recover from. Just thinking though, what was life like before the relationship or before you fell into your chaos? You need to find a way of continuing the things you use to do before. It wont be easy but you try. After all you want a change and perhaps the best way forward is to try something that you use to do before that made you excited or at least make the end of the day seem normal rather than a burden.
Let me know what you think. Thanks
Thank you for your response .
It's true , everything has changed ever since the relationship .
No , My mother didn't really know about it ..
I hope i really can recover , I realize it's not a dilemma , but I know it's destroying my life & entire world .
Before the relationship , I wasn't completely confident , but at least I wasn't absolutely confident less like now . I was happy , nothing was on my mind, I didn't really care about my weight or how I look . My weight is my number one concern right now I am dying to lose weight in any way possible .
That's a very good idea , i'm trying to try new things ..
Thank you so much for actually replying & understanding , I felt like everyone would ignore it because they'd think it's a teenage phase or something , it means the world to me
Last edited by Laurawelber; 04-14-2012 at 04:16 AM.
What can I do to make myself feel better ? I have my IGCSE's very soon & I'm feeling so down to study & I'm afraid I'll fail .. Please help me .. My world is falling apart right now. I want to die . And please don't tell me that my past relationship isn't Love because there aren't any love between teens , idc , I've been through it and now I'm going through hell ever since .. Please don't tell me this is stupid , even if it is stupid for you it's a big big deal for me . Sorry if this is in a wrong place .
What you have experienced is life coming full circle.It's only when we come full circle,that we can begin to take a look at a particular situation and analyze it.
At your age,the body is going through so many changes and things may seem overwhelming at times.
When this occurs,try to find an outlet of inspiration(whether internally or externally).Look for a place that you feel safe and secure from it all.
Go there and allow yourself to take a few deep breaths,each time exhaling the negativity and inhaling the refreshing oxygen that metaphorically will help the healing process along.
You won't get any judgement from me,for this isn't what the boards are about.
If you could begin writing a journal,it may be a helpful tool.
Is there anyone with whom you can speak(whether friend,doctor, mentor or spiritual advisor) that you feel comfortable with?
Things may seem deep and dark at the moment but please realize that that every storm eventually dissipates.It's all about weathering them.
Please feel free to post here as often as you feel....
I'll keep you in my prayers.
When in doubt, post it out.
The Following User Says Thank You to Phoenix For This Useful Post: Pacifier (08-29-2012)