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Old 05-22-2012, 09:00 AM   #1
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How can I help my daughter?

My daughter is 18 and has recently been given anti depressants by her doctor. I'm not sure how I feel about this. many of you might be thinking it doesnt matter how I feel only how she feels. But as a mum it has always been my job to care for my daughter and protect her from the big wide world and I'm beginning to think that might have been the problem, I have sheltered her too much. When she was 16 she had a similar time to what she is experiencing now and the common factor was/is a boy. I feel she cannot cope with relationships but the college counsellor and her doctor obviously disregard this as the problem and have decided on drugs instead. We have a very close family (all within a 10 mile radius) and have always been extremely close. She has many people who love and care for her, but for some reason she has no confidence. It is also a crucial time for her at the moment finishing education and finding a job. She has already had one job offer and I truly believe that once she is in work and meets new people and has the courage to tell ex boyfriend to stop stringing her along she will start to see things differently, but now she has been given tablets I dont know what to think. Can anyone explain to me why tablets are the answer for what I would call life experiences that are sadly upsetting but will eventually toughen you up.

 
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:24 AM   #2
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hmm , i dont think that anti depression tablets is a very good idea ...


now lets us consider the situation from ur daughters point of view

she has been ditched by her boy friends . i know u do understand those feelings .
she is surrounded by u and ur relatives . just consider how small she would feel when she is surrounded by all those who have suceeded in their relationship . but she didn't .
she would loose her confidence gradually, start avoiding all, just shuts herself up in her room , and so on ....

i dont think i am old enough to advice u . but i know ur daughters feelings , cause i have experianced those , nearly went mad . and plz dont use tablets . she will feel as if she is a patient who is sick .. i felt it that way .. there are a lot of other ways .

my parents gave me some money and sent me to a tour . it was very relaxing for me . that was my cure .. so i suggest that u find what ur daughter likes the most and let her do it with ur encouragement .

plz plz dont use tablets

say all the best to her from me ....

 
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:31 AM   #3
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

It's too soon to tell, isn't it? There are so many factors to consider: what are her symptoms, and has she given herself enough time to get over the guy? As a sufferer of (diagnosed) chronic depression since age 8 (I'm 51 now) I finally had to go with Effexor when I was 42. I don't know how much your doc discussed with you, but psych meds are a pretty huge step to take; once on them it is *hell on wheels* to wean off. If it turns out that your daughter is simply going through normal teen angst from the hormone overloads, what a shame it would be to put her through major withdrawal from a drug she didn't need in the first place. In my case, it took months and months of controlled experimentation with dosage levels--after the months and months it took finding the right med.

From vast personal experience, I'd suggest sending her somewhere that offers stimulating mental *and* physical challenges, far away from *that guy* and a very loving but possibly smothering family atmosphere..an internship, a trade school, a summer course. Believe it or not, my best shot in the arm as a young adult was Navy boot camp followed by air traffic control school. That gave me the self-esteem and confidence I'd been sorely lacking.

 
Old 05-22-2012, 10:32 AM   #4
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

P.S.-Best of luck. I know it's hard, when you love someone so much, not to try and shelter them from everything bad. But they have to learn to cope by themselves; when they do, they will also gain self-respect.

Last edited by xquid; 05-22-2012 at 10:40 AM. Reason: duplicate post

 
Old 05-22-2012, 01:19 PM   #5
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

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Originally Posted by bookish30ish View Post
Can anyone explain to me why tablets are the answer for what I would call life experiences that are sadly upsetting but will eventually toughen you up.
Hello bookish30ish.

I think it really depends on the specialty of the healthcare provider. If anti-depressants is the doctor's most common form of treatment for depression, than he or she will most likely give out a prescription to your daughter. Experienced therapists I think are much more likely to recommend therapy first without medication and to continue therapy even while taking medication. People can recover from depression and other problems with only therapy and no medication.

I'm in agreement with xsquid about anti-depressants. In addition to not having any side-effects or withdrawal symptoms, therapy can help your daughter learn life-long skills that will make her more resilient to the hardships of life. If she can build up her self-confidence solely through therapy, I think that would be a far better approach than taking a chance with the drawbacks of anti-depressants. If she feels like she's not making any progress in therapy after a while, it may be worth it to consider taking medication along with continuing therapy.

 
Old 05-23-2012, 12:40 AM   #6
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Thank you all so much, I think I need to go with her for an appointment to the doctors to talk all this through, I did not go with her when the doctor prescribed the medication as I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her space to sort her feelings herself but she asked her Auntie to go with her instead. I would love for her to go on some of the activities you have suggested, we have spoke about it in the past but she feels she would not be confident enough to leave us. Maybe I should bring this up again. One thing I wanted to ask though she isnt sleeping at the moment and when I suggested that it might be because of the tablets she said that side effects will calm down after a couple of weeks do you know if this is right? I wonder if the tablets are doing more harm than good.

 
Old 05-23-2012, 05:40 AM   #7
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Some side-effects do diminish once the body becomes accustomed to the medication while others do not. I think it varies from person to person as to whether side-effects are temporary or permanent when taking a particular medication.

 
Old 05-23-2012, 06:57 AM   #8
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Generally, SNRIs/SSRIs take a month or more to have any effect at all (if that is what she is taking) --that is straight from the mouths of every M.D., psychiatrist and therapist I have ever dealt with. That is why finding the right med takes so very long in many cases. This is all verifiable on the nat'l library of medicine site. As flamesabers points out, side effects vary according to the individual.

 
Old 05-23-2012, 07:33 AM   #9
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Something I would like to add to what xsquid said is sometimes people feel better after taking their medication for just a few days. It's most likely not the medication but the placebo effect of feeling better from taking action to improve one's emotional state.

 
Old 05-24-2012, 01:46 AM   #10
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Thank you all for taking the time to help. I now realise the seriousness of the fact that she has been given tablets without an awful lot of discussion. Thank you for helping me understand.

 
Old 05-26-2012, 04:26 PM   #11
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Hi bookish30ish,

Depression happens in about 1-4 women and the exact cause is not known. Anyone can develop depression. Some people are more prone to it, and it can develop for no apparent reason. You may have no particular problem or worry, but symptoms can develop quite suddenly. So, there may be some genetic factor involved that makes some people more prone to depression than others.

An episode of depression may also be triggered by a life event such as a relationship problem, bereavement, redundancy, illness, etc. In many people it is a mixture of the two. For example, the combination of a mild low mood with some life problem, such as work stress, may lead to a spiral down into depression.

I know you have had loads of people post and each have said different things and none of them are wrong. I have suffered with depression from the age of 16 im now 21. I went to the doctors and after talking to him and being offered therapy started on anti depressants. I turned down the therapy because i dont like to talk about myself or my life. I took them for maybe a month then i stopped because i was worried what other people would think of me and say. Things got worse about 5 months later i started back and everyone new this time couldnt hide it. Dont let this happen to your daughter.

At the end of the day it doesnt matter what you think if these meds help her then thats what counts and i know you know this because your here.

The best thing you can do to help her is be there when she wants to talk but dont push her because she will shut you down. try to understand it from her point of view but never judge. Everyone has ups and downs in life but depression is just a slippery slope downwards. Its not just teen mood swings or someone has had a bad day so their 'depressed' telling her you think its any of the both will hurt her loads inside and she wont trust you enough to talk again. Dont break her trust.

You did the right thing by not going with her to the doctors because she will feel alittle happier talking to someone about how she feels if she knows she can stop the convo when she doesnt want to say anymore and when she leaves the room nothing will be said until she sees her/him again. The doctor would have explained what the meds do and the likely side effects, Meds arent just given to anyone.

It takes 2-4 weeks to start to get some effect of the tablets and there maybe some side effects but you would need to google the tablet to find out what they are. I had side effects for the first 2 weeks then none at all. messed up sleeping pattern could be a side effect from the meds i had that for the first week or 2 or it can be because of the depression its self.


im not the greatest at posting so if you have any questions feel free to ask and ill answer because its easier i find

You may have protected her from the world abit when she was younger but it doesnt mean that caused this, stress from exams, trouble with her boyfriend, friends, hormones can all play apart

Hope she starts to feel better. Dont label her because she is on meds.


Dan

p.s.

Sorry its so long
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Sing your heart out, Dance in the rain, Cherish the memories, Ignore the pain, Love and learn, Forget and forgive because remember you only have one life to live.

Last edited by moderator2; 05-26-2012 at 04:28 PM.

 
Old 05-28-2012, 06:21 AM   #12
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Thank you Dan I am glad I decided to use this forum because people like you have made me understand. Until I came on here I felt angry, but that was because I thought i had failed at being a Mum. I am now happier that my daughter is receiving help with a counsellor and I feel ok that she is taking meds. Its all about understanding what she is experiencing as i must admit I thought she was just seeking attention by crying at the drop of a hat every time somebody did something she didnt like but you have all helped me to see that what she has is a medical condition and for that I thank you because we can now go back to the relationship we always had.

Kind Regards

 
Old 05-29-2012, 05:29 PM   #13
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

You are not only a good mom, but obviously you care deeply about your daughter. I have three grown children and have seen all three of them suffer with the usual heartaches of being young. I know break ups can be very difficult because they can make the person who is left, feel unloved and unworthy. These feelings are a normal response to feeling hurt and all people go through this. However, if depression continues to linger for a long time, medication can be effective in helping the person cope. Many people feel great relief from antidepressants, with very few side effects. Medication can take a few weeks to really kick in but the results can be wonderful. Don:t rule it out until you give it a chance to see if it helps your daughter. Taking medication for depression doesn't make someone a weak person. Some people are more prone to chemical imbalances than others. All people don't need treatment, but some do. One of my children was prescribed an SSRI and it was extremely helpful to them. Young people these days have so much stress to deal with, as is, mefication may be necessary to give them support.

 
Old 05-29-2012, 06:21 PM   #14
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Smile Re: How can I help my daughter?

First of all I want to thank you. I want to thank you because you are being a caring loving figure in your daughters life in a time that she really needs one!. You are doing nothing wrong so do not blame yourself. After reading your post i would like to say that your daughter seems to be going through a tough time at the moment I know you feel helpless and you don't understand why the doctor is prescribing medicine/Anti-depressants for your daughter. Well I'll give you my own opinion. The reason that the doctor is giving her these tablets is so that she can try and build up her confidance by herself. She won't be able to fully recover without your help but the doctor is not wrong either. Your daughter is the main priority and I can see you know that. You need to show your daughter that no matter what she does that you will never leave her side. I believe in both of you and I know you can get through this together as a family.

 
Old 05-30-2012, 01:47 AM   #15
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Re: How can I help my daughter?

Thank you Matty and Wordgirl, My daughter seems to be doing alot better already she is about to start work and is seeing a counsellor once a week. A big step for her I think is the fact she can now speak to her ex (they had known each other as friends at school for 6 years) without getting upset that they are not currently a couple. She is also the strong one for him at the moment as he will be deployed for Afgan in September and the training is full on at the moment and so he seems to be leaning on her. She is wanting to be his support whilst he is away too. Do you think it will be good for her to be someone elses rock or do you think it will only put extra strain on her?

Kind Regards

 
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