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Old 06-11-2012, 09:32 PM   #1
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uatchit HB User
Unhappy Lost...?

There is a pain in my chest and it aches. I feel so sad. I feel incapable of making myself happy and it's scary. I was stressed out and sad a lot as a kid and it just got worse once I hit the teen years, those were the worst. I was such a loser. So many stupid things I've done, so much shame about myself. I've away from home 4 years now..(about a 5 hour flight) and although I've learned a lot being out here, I feel so stuck. I'm in a solid relationship but I often feel that I'm in it for the wrong reasons (co-dependence, lonely in new city). I have a good job, but it gets really stressful....living with my boyfriend I keep myself isolated and I hate myself for doing it, just have anxiety about making friends. Grew up feeling isolated so I feel like a freak of nature, can't socialize normally. I have to ne hyper aware of how I behave because I'm f*cked. My real self is wrong, isn't good enough. It's exhausting so I'd rather just stay home all the time. But I know I'm hiding and I feel so sad, like Im missing out on my youth. Im wasting it, just rotting away. I feel like I was so sad growing up, sadness is a comforting feeling. My natural resting state is this feeling, it was here before anything. I feel alone, isolated, unloved, pathetic and just so sad....

 
The following 4 users give hugs of support to: uatchit
00lady00 (06-11-2012), magicssd (06-11-2012), Phoenix (06-12-2012), SOE (06-12-2012)
Old 06-12-2012, 08:44 AM   #2
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Re: Lost...?

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Have you tried therapy? I think you could benefit from having someone to talk to about all of your sadness. Sometimes it's easier to talk to an impartial person like a therapist.

 
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