LeahFaith

Beachlove,
I didn't do the medications because they made me much worse. I did take St. Johns Wort for a few years and it took the edge off. It didn't make me better, but it helped me focus on getting better.

So, this is going to sound hokey and new age, but honestly, the reason I'm better is because I changed my diet.
When I was 25 I read a book (Eating Animals) that talked about how sick the animals are that we eat and all the hormones and crap they put in them, so I stopped eating meat I started feeling better physically. I wasn't so tired all the time and I started having a lot of energy.
( I still indulge in a cheeseburger everyone and a while)

I used to drink a lot of sugar-free soda. I few months after I stopped eating meat, I went through a period where I was drinking 3 or 4 of them a day and my mood swings got a lot worse. I put 2 and 2 together and decided that whatever was in the soda might be causing some of my problems so I cut them out of my diet and I started having less mood swings (my mood swings were really bad, i would be just sitting there, minding my own business, and all of a sudden I would feel like everything in the world was awful, there was no point in living and I should just lock myself in my room till I wasted away.)

Within the last year or so I stopped working and started going to school full time. One of positive changes this has allowed me is I'm now able to cook full meals for myself. I never knew how to cook before and all my meals came out of a box in the freezer or in a can. Now most of my meals consist of I've made myself. Usually vegetables with a grain or a starch (breads or pasta). I'm not Emeril or Paula Dean or anything, but I usually cook at least twice a day. Eggs for breakfast or lunch and a full meal at dinner. On a good day I'll have eggs for breakfast, a vegetable wrap for lunch, carrots or yogurt or toast for a snack and a veggie stir fry or bake for dinner.

That has been the biggest change in my life that I can directly correlate to me feeling better. I don't have mood swings anymore. I used to get anxiety going to the store or going to work! I don't get nearly as anxious as I used to, almost never. I can't actually remember the last time I got really anxious. I used to think about cutting myself all the time (was a cutter for years) and I never ever ever think about that anymore (that took therapy as well). I don't get mad like I used to, I don't cry like I used. I mean, I'm not like perfect, I still worry a lot. I still feel like I need to rearrange the furniture every month. I still don't feel like I fit in or whatever. But I'v found a sort of peace with who I am and I don't spend any of my energy worrying about how i'm going to get through the next year feeling as badly as I felt.

The past year has had me feeling better than I've felt since I was 10 years old.

I have to stress, too. I'm not a health nut either. As I type I'm eating strawberry flavored candies. Yesterday I went to a bbq and I drank two cans of soda and had a bunch of potato chips. But the difference between now and three years ago is drinking soda is a treat that I have once every month or so. I also did not cut back on drinking

Some people can't eat dairy because they can't digest it. Some people can't eat artificial sweeteners because it gives them migraines. I think that some people out there have a negative reaction to preservatives or some crazy chemicals found only in processed foods.

I'm not saying you should follow my example either and become a vegetarian and cook all your meals. But I am saying is there might be some type of foods that are making you depressed. If you do have a chemical imbalance, it might be caused by a preservative or chemical they put in the food.

Lol, I just realized I wrote you a novel! Sorry for the length. But I do hope it helps.
Good luck