theres so much things going on in my life right now. and im not even 18 yet. its like a big vicous circle of unfortunate events.
it all started when i was 14. i started drinking
my life spiraled down from there, it began when i went to a party at a local park and i madeout with a boy. a week after that my whole mouth got like ruined, around it it started getting all chapped like really bad, those worst chapped lips/ around my mouth ever. its was like it was infected or something. not like nomal dry/chapped lips, i went to my doctor and he gave me cream and it went away after a week or so. ever since then i have had constant dry lips and theyre a bit redder then then used to be. ive been dealing with this for 3 years, i just put cover up on my lips. so thats just 1 thing, then when i was 16 i got chlaymidia, a little embarrsing, but its easy to get rid of.
then it got worse, i got drunk and went to a friends house and i walked back and i dont remeber walking back and the worst thing ever came to my mind that i had sex with some random guy and didnt remember. so i went and got tested for everything and especially thought i had hiv, i got all the symptoms and i got tested after that and it was negative and my doctor said all the symtpoms were from anxiety.. even thou after the test is when i started getting most of the symptoms.
so ive calmed down about that situation and now i have anxiety that i never had before, like if i drink and cuddle with a friend and remeber going to bed, ill automatically wake up and think what if i had sex and dont remeber, all over again. so i basically have anxiety all the time over that, and then theres stress involved. I also have trichotillmania a hair pulling disease, where i pull out my eyelashes to the point where i have a big bald spot so i dont feel like going out with my friends a lot anymore--
i dont have a lot of cute clothes anymore, or a phone anymore becuase im broke and all that being said, im very depressed. im 17, my parents bug me every day about getting a job which would probly help a little bit but then i go back to thinking well, how am i gonna get hired with no eyelashes (its pretty noticable, especially cause i usually wear mascara all the time)
and well what if i do have hiv, i have no clue what i wanna be when im older so i have to juggle that between getting a job and everything else.
so that just leaves me basically sitting in my room crying by myself all day in a huge depressing spiral i shouldent be in .
i know people say it only gets better but im so unsure about my future at this point.
sorry about this being so long, i just need some advice or something ? i shouldent be this sad
and i havent even mentioned my family issues....
please dont say anything about drinking because thats an issue im currently dealing with, i havent drank really recently