What is this? What is wrong with me? Is this depression?
Some background: I am applying to college soon (I'm seventeen) and will be moving. I feel that this is relevant because maybe it is generating a lot of stress?
Lately I've had this awful surreal feeling. It's like I've become intensely aware of my relationships with over people (for example I've become intensely aware of my brother, as if all this time I've never really thought of our relationship), which for some reason makes me feel incredibly distant from them, as if I've reduced them to a concept that's making me anxious because I hate the feeling so much. Whenever I generally get this feeling, which also has included a sense of unreality, I start to panic because sometime it goes away and when it does I feel better, more connected, and more real. I long for the time before this feeling, for the time that I felt "normal", and feel a sense of terror that I will never be able to have that again.
The ways I alleviate this feeling is by talking to my mother and brother (the people with whom this effect is strongest) and by getting more sleep, but it still comes back, sometimes very bad, sometimes not so bad.
When this feeling starts coming back I strongly question my sanity, and question whether or not I love my family, which makes me really depressed, because I know that I do but I'm still freaking out about it. I feel very isolated, and I feel like everything is crashing down and that my sanity is draining away again. I feel very, very restless.
The feeling tends to be weakest when I'm interacting with people, but tends to be strongest when my mind isn't occupied. Is this just extreme boredom? Is it stress? (which is weird because I don't feel that much stress about the things I mentioned at the top, but maybe they're causing underlying stress and anxiety under the surface and I just can't feel it). Or is it something worse, like depression or depersonalization/depression?
Logically, I realize that I'm just over-analyzing everything. But I feel like everything's a surreal mess.