hello my story of myself is quiet and one of my first be posted, so forgive my anxiousness. to think about this mess is very difficult wy i do not know, never has been so extreme. i hop u can understand. not aiming for understanding of myself to be explained but to vent a little about my struggles and the new me taking over like a imposter but a hidden imposter confusing yet.I dont respond to much,less anything. Yesterday i was out smarting arguments integrity,i played piano for 9 years as a emotional composer righting about the feeling i had about my moms depression thow i never told her the reason i had express my feeling threw the piano she understood the connection but couldnt imagine wy i was so good but so easy to let go and thats what i did i quit the piano and making my mom feel happier again was nothing but flustration for her. i do not question wy she wanted me to not stop but the understanding she had was denial of wy i did it in the first place basically i had a chance of perfection that she never had i guess. this short story is maybe linked to a zombie that walks this earth and rights in cold felt thoughts to further my amusement of this dark hole i widened it by human nature to respond for understanding and that lead me on a trip of conspiracy theories and dark times of history.. isolated from the world i became angry flustrated and disappointed in the world i most live i saw it full of pride full selfish liars and distruction when they werent seen by others as fear full i wish i could explain it better and i knew i could in my old self but it is what it isnt i guess. i dont feel much of anything anymore but fear and anger my thought are with the other me and so is my heart and mind left behind my memory foged and distorted today thinking is at a stale mate and social life thrown far from mind, i try to at work but it ends of being a sad experience for me and them so i dont evan bother to explain or connect cause all that sounds is crickets in my head cheeep cheeep and then follows the friend of anxiety to help make things worse like worrying if ill ever snap out of this weird not all there person.
i feel detached from ones self or like i would call it autopilot in consciousness is a wake up call like no other. Im seeing a doctor for the first time about the issue any advice dont want things to be out of control more than what they already are thanks for reading