So depressed, hopeless, and alone
I feel so horrible lately I don't know what to do. I have so many things going on I feel as though the weight of my many problems has got me down. I have dealt with depression since I was a child but I have grown good at pushing my sadness aside and going about my day being strong. Lately I feel like no one likes or wants me and that I have no hope for the future. Hope for my future is all that kept me going but I have lost that. You see I came back to college( I dropped out to be a wife and mother) but I feel like a loser. I am almost forty and barely getting my degree? That's just stupid. Plus, my marriage has been without companionship and real love in over five years that I am so lonely for feeling loved. I though, I will finish school so I can get a job which will support me and then I can divorce and find true love and be fulfilled, but who will want me? I am no longer young, I am chubby, I am smart but who can see that when I am already almost forty and barely finishing school. My two good friends are too busy for me and my kids dont need me,( my daughter yelled at me for being annoying.) I know it must sound like I am whining but deep down i feel so worthless and alone that i don't know how to pull myself up and stop feeling this way. I want to know that one day things will be better that I will have love in my life and feel content and fulfilled. that someone will love me and i will not be depressed. Today i slept the whole day. and when i woke up i was looking forward to bed. I feel no one loves me or likes me and that no one will ever see the worth in me. I may as well stay in a loveless marriage because no one will ever want me anyway.