I'm 18 years old I dropped out of high-school when I was a freshman, I've been cooped up in my room for years now. I only got clean six months ago but I don't feel any better because I haven't bettered my life at all. I still feel as low as I aways have. I'm always so sad. Lately I've been wanting to go back on zoloft. But I feel like it will be a huge step backwards. I just feel out of options. Im ashamed and I fee pathetic because I can't even force myself out of bed most days. I've gotten so weak standing up in the shower or waking down the stairs is exausting. I don't eat much, I have horrible insomnia, I hardly ever shower anymore and I never see the sunlight. I wake up just as the sun goes down and fall asleep as its coming up.
I've never had a real job, I have no more friends. I'm incredibly lonely and so scared.
How can I ever fix this hole I dug myself into? I realize I'm young and I have plenty of time to figure things out but that's not helping me now if I never take the first step. I just don't even know were to start or what direction to go in.....
I want to be happy. I'm tired of being broke... I just wish I wasn't so scared.I've been hurting so much lately.. I've posted here before but I never feel any better. I get such good advice but I still have no friends to keep my strong.
The following user gives a hug of support to DirtCleen: Phoenix (10-02-2012)
Have you considered checking into a hospital? It sounds like you have a lot of things going against you besides depression. Insomnia and a lack of eating can really take a toll on your body and mind. Trying to get your life back on track can be really hard if not impossible when you're feeling a lot of pain and despair. I think once you can take care of your physical needs, you'll be in a much better position to resolve the mental pain you're experiencing. I don't think going back on Zoloft is a sign of weakness or taking a step backwards. I think medication is a tool and not a crutch to getting out of a depression.
The following user gives a hug of support to flamesabers: Phoenix (10-02-2012)
I Dont know about a hospital. But then again maybe a radical change is what I need to realize what I'm up against. I have a date with my mom to go fill out applications but already I feel stressed and panicked. I don't thinking I can go through with it
.. something as simple as leaving and going to the mall. I have been living like this for so long I can't remember how to get better.
The following user gives a hug of support to DirtCleen: Phoenix (10-02-2012)
I think if you feel it's too difficult to get into a routine of regularly eating, showering, spending time outside, etc, a stay in the hospital could do a lot of good for you. It would also be a good opportunity to go back on Zoloft and create a support system to help you get through your depression.
The following user gives a hug of support to flamesabers: Phoenix (10-02-2012)
Hi there. It sounds like you are in a pretty deep depression. Can you talk to your mom and tell her all the things you are feeling and doing and see if she can walk you through getting some help? I think a hospitalization may be a good idea to get you back on your feet. But, at a bare minimum you need to see a psychiatrist ASAP for an evaluation. You are probably weak from not eating and being so inactive. I have been there, It hurts. But, there is hope and you can get better. Reach out to your mom for help and take some steps today to get to a hospital or at least get an appointment with a psychiatrist. Post back here and let us know what you do. Please take action now. It won't go away without some type of intervention.
The following user gives a hug of support to Joanna2007: Phoenix (10-02-2012)
Is there still hope? 
