| | Can't feel happy with anything
I was never depressed or sad as a child, I was always upbeat. I grew up without my dad around, so that's affected my relationships with men. I first started getting depressed when I met my father after years of absence,but I never sought any help. In my last year of high school I got so depressed after my boyfriend broke up with me, I felt weak and worthless and ugly. I met my current boyfriend soon after that, but it started out as just a fling and ended up into a relationship. I thought I could be happy with him, but now, a year in, all we do is fight because I'm never happy even though I have no reasons to be unhappy. I cut myself away from all my old friends and spent my time with just my boyfriend. College also makes me so stressed out and I feel so hopeless and stupid all the time. I just want to start over, go back to my friends and be happy but I've grown so far apart from them it seems impossible. I also hate putting my boyfriend through all my sadness and it affects his life as well. All I want is to find some outlet that makes me happy, but I'm broke and failing college and every path seems dark. Even my boyfriend can be abusive sometimes which really brings me down. It just feels like happiness is this impossible goal I'll never reach, and that I'm different to everyone else when I just want to be the same.