In 2005 I was diagnosed with severe depression, triggered by having to care for two disabled parents, a disabled husband and maintain my career so I could provide a roof over my head and pay for my husband's extensive medical bills, despite having insurance.
Fast forward to 2012, both my parents have died, my husband is still disabled and on Social Security disablity and I have been laid off twice in the past two years after a 23 year career in the legal profession.
Since February 2011, I have been extensively treated by private therapists and VA psychiatrists and psychologists. One depression medicine after another without great success. I get some relief from Clonopin but that's it. No appetite, no ambition, no desires, no competence, no confidence. And tomorrow I'm due to start a new job. My fear is out of control and despite all the professional advice I've been given, I can't get over it.
The following user gives a hug of support to ptallent: Phoenix (11-15-2012)
Hello there, and welcome! You have found a wonderful place to seek encouragement, support and understanding.
First of all, congratulations on your new job. As the first day is at any new job, it is bound to cause you some anxiety and stress. BUT...this is a new success, just waiting to happen for you. This is a great opportunity to remind yourself of all your talents, and all you have to offer this new workplace. Give yourself a few days to adjust, and then take the place by storm with your enthusiasm and excitement over your new role.
While have a history of depression behind you, I can understand how you might worry about it taking control, but this is not the time for that. This is your turn to take charge of your new day, and you new life ahead.
I too have lost both my parents in the last year, and instead of me taking care of a disabled family member, I have been the disabled one. All you have provided for your loved ones is commendable, and now it is your turn to shine, and in turn provide for your needs and your husbands continued care.
Please write back and tell us just how your first day goes, and I for one will be sure to stick around and hear how this new job is great for you. Make tomorrow the best day so far, and see what happens.
I know deep down inside you must be a very strong and determined woman, and all you need is this new day to start the next phase of your life.
I have lived with major depression myself, but on the other side of the darkness is the brightest light in the world, and it is shines within you right beside the dark. Keep that light shining bright. and life will turn bright with it,.
My fear is out of control and despite all the professional advice I've been given, I can't get over it.
Hello ptallent and welcome to the Depression Board.
I can definitely relate to fear being out of control.
Could it be that you're approaching things from the incorrect perspective?
I don't know if it's so much getting over something as it is working through it. When you work through something,it stays there as long as we allow it to,all the while knowing that the goal is reaching the other side.
When working through things,you take into account all the variables;the good,the bad and the ugly and after identifying all there is to,then the real work begins.
I placed the word in bold print to emphasize that you will get out of things,what you put into them.If you put in the effort, you may be surprised with the eventual results.
You're among people who understand and hear you loud and clear.
Please post as often as necessary; you're always welcome here.
You sound like an amazing person and you also sound situationally depressed, as I think most people would be, in your situation. I don't know much about depression drugs, so I won't offer any advice about them.
Just some financial advice, that might help.
My husband and I are planning an extremely down-sized, live below our means, retirement. We're doing this for peace of mind, in case we NEED a lot of $ if one of us gets really sick or whatever.
Is it possible for you to down-size, reduce your expenses, so that you don't have to work so much? Could you move in with family or rent out a room?
I've had to get creative over the years, but it's made a big difference on what we've needed to earn, to live comfortably.
Sorry it that wasn't helpful. I just happen to think most problems originate over lack of $ and if you can get a handle on your finances you'll likely be much better off (emotionally).