Hello Nikkik67 and welcome.
If you want something you've never had before,you have to be prepared to do things you haven't done before.
Go back to the doctors,get prescribed medication and see a therapist but try something different.
Enter into therapy knowing your weak points of vulnerability and begin from there.
Put in the work and don't be afraid to ask questions;no matter how silly you may think they are.
Take steps to help ensure that backsliding doesn't happen and if it does begin to,you can recognize it and pull yourself out of the abyss of despair.
You can do this; I believe in you.
You'll be halfway there if you know who else has to believe in you.
Hint: The reflection you see in the mirror.
Respectfully stated
Phoenix
