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Old 12-28-2012, 04:40 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Philippines
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kanine9 HB User
Young but identity and life problematic

Ok so I'm 16 right now and I know its very common for people at my age to experience life problems but...I feel a bit hopeless in my situation right now...especially after only realizing reality only last year...when I really did take notice what is happening...

I'm a shy and kind guy who likes to be kind to others and try to help them as much as i can and I never say any bad words and never wanna try smoking, drinking or drugs. However I am also kinda a loner and wouldn't wanna be in big crowds. I was like that for as long as I can remember...but I'm also forgetful so its hard to know what happened before last year...but the thing is...when I started to notice how lonely I am I started to feel more depressed and started doing some things the opposite of the things I do...and had the goal...to make people hate me... This kept on until I had a friend online...I felt like I belonged with him so I always talked to him...but now..not really...

Well intro done but the real question from me is...Why am I suffering a lot at the same time?

Firstly...I'm bi but leaning to gay...and had only made actions with other guys but then I also feel regret and don't wanna be bi anymore and wanna be straight. I also encounter easy loneliness in which the moment I know I am alone for an amount of time I get depressed. I don't wanna really be with my family usually and was never open on what I feel...and I have no father figure...and I can only lean on that to someone I feel like he's my father (he's 23 though and gay) I ran away twice but the second time made haters start to me...and I really don't like haters...the moment one of them was too stubborn to talk to me now and blocked me...I abandoned my talent to draw and would never wanna draw again...even though animation was my dream...I waste my talent for a hater and I know that...but I can't take it...that's why I abandoned my talent as a decoy from my feelings by the hater...I'm also a furry too but with the hate against furries...I'm also very too...conscious and shy about it...and I don't think I wanna be one anymore with haters there...

Sorry I said too much...I'm just suffering a lot with my own identity crisis and social problems...as I also runaway from crowds...even though I seem psyched at first but run away once I'm in...

 
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