So since i have last posted here, I finally decided to do something about my mentalness and go on medication short term I am hoping..
I was having issues with my own general happiness, I got married 2 years ago and have been with my husband for 7 and a half years in total, we get along great and he is my best friend and I am attracted to him etc but I started to really totally over analaze our relationship and my happiness..I was not working and had major family stress so it all snowballed, I went through what i would describe as hell basically questioning every single day obsessively about our relationship and did i love him, when you are in the depths of something like that you become confused and it all becomes a habit.
I actually think i may be suffering from Relationship OCD. So I am alot better since i started the medication but have only been on it 2 weeks and 3 days, the side effects are awful insomnia increased anxiety way worse then i ever had, apparantly all symptoms of starting an antidepressant, If i had known this i would never have taken it, I started Lustral on christmas day I have a new baby boy and I felt so guilty for having to take this on his first christmas but I really do feel i need it.
It is not so much the issues anymore its more my negative thinking and the habits i have formed over the last 2 years.
Having taken the step to actually take the medication I feel like i can see things more clearly but now and then i fall back espicailly when i am tired or stressed, I have realised that in ways i was holding onto a past relationship before i met my husband with my first love, it was such a bad relationship more like me running around after him and him rejecting me but that is what i appreciate in ways, i dunno i came from a broken home so i guess i just went for that type of guy, i have no love at all for my ex just memories of that relationship i think i just never let it go fully in ways as i met my husband pretty much straight away and he is a prince in shining armor, the most wonderful guy, intelligent loving etc.
I think i need to stick with the antidepressants and work on my own inner confidence, I have basically realised that this is the core issue, that and me expecting him to make me the happiest woman in the world 24/7.
I dont really know why i write here i just find it theraputic and its good to get input from people with similar experiences, i suppose also i am slightly addicted to coming on forums and discussing this same issue, it is habit!! lol
I am going to stick out the medication for another week and a half, if i still cannot sleep i will have to come off them but i am really hoping the insomnia and extra anxiety they cause me to have will go take a hike, has anyone experience of starting an intidepressant and how long did it take to work and for side effects to go...
Hi, Lustral is an SSRI type antidepressant which means it helps the brain keep a high level of seratonin which is your feel good chemical. You are experiencing normal side effects. These type drugs are unpredictable, they help some people and hurt others. I mean its crazy....side effects are both sleepiness and insomnia, anxiety and depression hell, your taking it for relief not to be an anxious insomniac. I took paxil a similar drug and got off after a month, it got too weird. As far as happiness goes I was never rich enough , loved enough, good looking enough, strong enough, ........it's part of being human.to feel disatisfied. Enjoy your wonderful husband and baby that is what is really important. Know that you have been blessed and you deserve to be happy.........lenvegas
The Following User Says Thank You to lenvegas For This Useful Post: jen757 (01-12-2013)
thank you Lenvegas, I am going to give it a month, I totally feel worse at times on these then i ever have, and then the anxiety they cause, my jaw is tight, the insomnia I really do feel worse at times but I hear that at the start its rough i just dont want to give up on it yet, I hear you though they dont work for everyone, it could be just zoloft doesnt suit me personally, I will let you know how it goes...thanks for input.
Hi there. I can relate to your Relationship OCD. I have been struggling with it off and on for over a year now. I do love my boyfriend but I get these waves of anxiety and doubt sometimes triggered by fights we have or something I see I don't like about him. Once the doubts start swirling in my head, the anxiety shoots through the roof. I worry day in and day out if I really want to be with my boyfriend in the future, if I want to spend my entire life with him, if he's right for me, if maybe i want to go out and see who else I can find, if i can find someone else who will make me happier, etc. I have enough insight to know that most of the problems lie in the fact that I am not confident in myself and struggle with depression. I also have high expectations for how things "should" be. When things don't go the way I think they "should" then I think it's not "right" or he doesn't care enough. A few months ago, I was actually almost sure that I wanted to move in with him soon and positive I wanted to spend my life with him. then a wave of doubt hit for the last 2 months and now I've been confused. I often worry I am bipolar because I go from this to that to this to that and can't make up my mind. It has been very rough for me the last 2 months but he has stuck through it. I know how much he loves me. Yet, sometimes i still interpret things to mean he doesn't care enough or doesn't think I'm good enough, etc. I get paranoid he is looking at other women, even on tv or movies. How stupid is that? I'm very insecure. I told him I don't feel I'm ready to make any big commitments because I have some growing to do. I'm 23 and this is my first serious relationship. Yes i love him and I really don't want to give up what we have built together, but at the same time, I'm not quite ready mentally or emotionally to settle down and make that lifetime commitment. Sorry if I babbled on. I needed to vent!!!! Just know that I understand where you are coming from. What antidepressant were you started on? Side effects are hell......I am extremely sensitive to medication changes. Even an extra 5mg of prozac made me more depressed!
I have been reading through your post and you and I have quite alot in common.
I am also a very intelligent espicially emotionally intelligent person, my friends come to me for advice and tell me i should be a counsellor yet i cannot seem to take my own advice.
One thing i read in another post was looking for 100pc certainty that we will never completely get because it is impossible to be 100percent sure all the time about anything...I am also very black and white and I see things in terms of all or nothing and also very insecure and lack in self confidence. I too have always been of an anxious disposition but i too am a college graduate and have had full time jobs, I am not a full time mother to our 10 week old son which is amazing.
I have done my own research which is part of the compulsions i guess on why i always question, my husband is the perfect man seriously he is intelligent, we are so compatable he is loving, supportive, responsible, funny like we get one really well. Of course there are things I sometimes pick on about him such as he is sometimes afeminite in ways he grew up with 5 sisters and I at a time wondered or actually obsessed was he gay. He is totally attracted to me though and obviously finds me sexy and we have a good sex life, it could be better but in saying that I have also never felt such a connection and had times of the best lovemaking I have experienced. TMI lol.... well i pray noone ever finds out my identity haha...
I dont know where my obsessing really started i suppose it was after we got married, throughout our relationship i always kinda felt like it was not real like he was too good to be true and something had to be wrong! when we met i had just broken up with a so called boyfriend who was never there for me who i obsessed about also in an unhealthy way. I seem to get really obesssive in realtionships! Anyways my husband came along and to be honest at first I was not 100pc interested and this is where alot of my doubt comes in because at the start I did like him but I was not too bothered and I pushed him away... He came back though and we always had a connection and got on well from the get go, it was just the right time for us for one another and everything was right and naturally worked out apart from my over analzing... basically there is things in every realtionship that people do not like about there significant other there are ups and downs but i can seem to handle that.
I read somewhere that the reason we question is a mechanism to protect ourselves from hurt or pain, its a Fear of Loss, and we feel vunerable because of childhood experiences.
I am just wondering how is your life with your parents and siblings?
i have alot of stress with my own family.
I hope I can help you and maybe we can help one another.
The medication i started is Zoloft, I do get really good days, I have only been on it 3 weeks , the side effects are insomnia and a tight jaw and sore eyes lol it seems like alot but i am gonna stick with it, my doc tells me it will get better, the first two weeks was so hard so i am not giving up now.