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Old 01-21-2013, 03:34 AM   #1
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Relashionships

I have always been aware of my bad looks but in the last year I have been feeling more and more depressed about it, to the point where I am laying in bed trying to sleep for 3 hours. Over the years people have made comments about my looks. I have always just taken it on the chin but over the past year I have realised that it is true and that I probably never be on a relationship. I have been reading posts on this site and one thing that seems to come up alto is people needing advice on weather or not they should date someone because of there looks, and most of the replay seem to say the same thing more or less, that is that you should only date someone that you are attracted to. So basically if your not attractive then you should not have a relationship? I think that I have come to a conclusion that this is just the way of life, people want someone that is good looking to be the last thing they see at night and the first thing when they wake up. So I have accepted that I will probably never have a girlfriend don't like the idea but accept it. I just want to no if feeling this depressed can be bad for my health? And is there any way to make the pain stop?

 
Old 01-21-2013, 07:00 PM   #2
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Re: Relashionships

"...if you're not attractive then you should not have a relationship?"
I don't believe this is true. If I'm being completely honest, I have seen countless couples who are not very good-looking-- both of them not attractive. So it's possible to find love or a relationship if you're unattractive. The question just becomes, what kind of partner are you looking for? For example, I don't classify myself as someone who is attractive; I think I'm ok... I need makeup to look better. If you ask my boyfriend, he'll say that's not true. I think he's lying, but whatever. My boyfriend is very attractive. I think being in a relationship like this, I always wonder in the back of my mind, "what are these people thinking when they see me & him together? Do they think, 'why would he be interested in her?'"

On another note, relationships are so much more than looks. I think you can find someone. Believe me, I thought I was going to be alone forever...

Of course, yes, thinking in this way is bad for you. It's bad for your mental health & self-esteem....which can definitely lead to depression if you're not already depressed. I've been trying for months & months to find a way to make this pain stop, but I haven't the slightest clue. How I wish I did....

Just know that you're not alone. Please just know that.

 
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:52 AM   #3
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Re: Relashionships

Hi, it is your personality that ultimately determines if you are a beautiful person or not. Granted that physical beauty may be the aspect that attracts people in the first place but I have seen an abundance of short fat bald men with good looking women and wondered. how did that happened. Me, I have been with beautiful women who turned ugly because of their abrasive personalities. Try to make friends with women and don't worry about a relationship. If you make friends with women it can open doors you never thought possible.

 
Old 01-22-2013, 12:02 PM   #4
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Re: Relashionships

I'm sorry to read you are feeling this way about yourself. I'm wondering what exactly it is about yourself that you consider unattractive.
Teeth can be straightened, weight can be lost, muscles can be toned, body shape can be changed, skin color can be improved through diet.
Personally I struggled for years because I was so thin. And as a man, people can treat you like you are invisible or weak.
In my case I turned to bodybuilding. I studied and read magazines, cover to cover.
Through the years, I would train to bulk up and lift heavy weights in the winter and diet in the summer to get very lean with the new muscle tissue I built during the winter.
The way people responded to my appearance was dramatic. I would literally go from being what people would consider fat and bulky to lean everywhere from my jaw line to my waist.
I noticed when I was pudgy people would not make eye contact with me. Many people even during the past summer would ignore me completely. It was shocking.
Specifically women. They would talk about me and say "can you believe that he gained that much weight!" "He is so fat." They had no idea that I was training and it didn't matter because you just can't explain that to someone. Specifically women.
I am 6 foot and have ranged in weight from 150 lbs to 325. I've had people come into my own gym during the winter as guests and make comments like "save willy" and giggle. During flights I would always get the dark looks and silent treatment.
Even at Walmart the cashiers and people around me would say nothing to me. Yet when I would go into a lean phase, people would go out of their way to make contact with me.
Weight, clothing, hair, skin tone and teeth seem to be physical traits people are attracted to. I've find I could change all of them. But I also found, if I was approached and became very nervous and lacked confidence, this was a pitfall.
Looking good will open doors but you also need to believe in yourself. Treat people well, smile and exude confidence....Even though I admit this sounds bizarre, I would study people like Arnold Swarchenegger and Michael Jackson by watching documentary films. When you watch how confident they are and the positive energy they give off, it is infectious. People can't resist. I would lie to myself and pretend to be very positive and eventually after pretending for a while, it became my personality without acting.
It seemed I had the world by the gonads and then I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and could no longer live that lifestyle. I became depressed because I felt I was useless. No one wanted to be around me. Looking back, I realize this was possibly a lesson of some sort to appreciate what I had. The fact was, I was only caring for myself and not those around me. I am learning to do both now and I am recovering physically and mentally.
I hope this can help you in some way. Everyone deserves happiness. If you try hard enough, you can achieve that for yourself.

 
Old 01-23-2013, 07:16 AM   #5
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Re: Relashionships

Hi itsmylife, that is quite an accomplishment going from 325 lbs to 150 lbs. I knew someone who had lost that much weight and he got the inevitable loose hanging skin. My question to you is how you coped with loose hanging extra skin. Did you ever consider surgery? I find it interesting how skin grows but does not receede with weight loss. Thanks

 
Old 01-23-2013, 10:53 AM   #6
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Re: Relashionships

I have very little loose skin and my muscles or toned, just fluffy. I train as a power lifter in the winter and a bodybuilder in the summer. I was making the point that people are unable to identify a powerful athlete with a "belly" and puffy face and categorize you as "fat and unattractive" in the society today. That is just how ignorant people are.
The skin tightens up as the muscles fill back out.

Last edited by itsmylife; 01-23-2013 at 10:55 AM.

 
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