DonDonDon

I've been feeling very lonely this past few weeks. I have lost interest in those things that i used to do. I been crying everyday cause i feel so lonely. I feel so tired. Tired of everything.

My father was really not a good father. He was lazy and very irresponsible. That's why i had to work at young age (15)to help my family because he do not care whether we finished our studies or not. Then at 17 i became the bread winner of our family because he stopped working. Till now that i am 24 i still bear all of the responsibilities.

But he keep degrading me. He used to compare me to those friends of mine when they got something good from their work. Like saying "Oh you're really nothing compare to her" etc.etc and even saying i am stupid because i cannot make them rich. He stopped doing that after i had an argument and talk to him about it. But he didn't really change.

He did lots of bad things. He gambles and always drink. Then sometimes he fight with my mom and even hurt her sometimes.Always threatening that he will kill her.If he didn't like something that we did he will make a scene like shouting or look for a fight with out neighbors and even throwing stones in our house.

My mother and him are always fighting, although he is not hurting her always but it's depressing. Especially whenever my mom complains about him to us.Whenever she complain it's making me more angry at him. I feel like we are being brainwashed sometimes but because i can see it i cannot help but feel mad.

Whenever i received my salary he will always ask for money and only use it for gambling. Even if you tell him that we have lots of bills to pay he won't care or won't believe and think that we only don't want to give him money.Then will get in bad mood whole day and do things. Talking to him is useless.

I been getting depressed for a long time now but my mother was always there to support me. But lately it's different... I feel really tired.