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Old 07-22-2013, 05:31 PM   #1
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Unhappy Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

I've posted something similar on another board, but I wanted to get more than one perspective on this:
Even though some things have improved in my life, I'm still convinced I'm going to be alone forever. It feels like everyone else is dating and getting engaged around me. I've been rejected a lot in the past and had girls say they were already dating someone, only to instantly start dating someone else.



My attempt at online dating was an utter disaster. Anytime someone would express interest back, they would delete their profile immediately after or people would just look at my profile anytime I talked to them and never respond.

So I tried what was supposed to be an in-person dating group, but it seems to be populated by people who aren't terribly bright, since apparently, a bunch of people can't seem to figure out that if you're holding hands with each other like one of you will die if you let go, or worse, are engaged, that you're not considered single and it seems like this happens at every singles event and, quite frankly, I think it's kind of rude.



I am 30 and still single and feel like I have to go to every single dating event possible since Lord knows I've had it confirmed through more than enough rejections that I'm always the ugly one when a woman has a choice between multiple guys.

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 01:02 PM   #2
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Any responses would be appreciated.

 
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Old 07-27-2013, 10:24 PM   #3
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Hi,
Things improving is always a good sign and now it looks like you want to take it to another level. Personally it sounds to me you are trying too much and by this I mean that you are trying to do things that are not natural to you. At the same time I think being natural will mean not trying at all which is something you do not want to do.

In my experience though I hear things like "being confident with yourself before showing it to others" seems to be something that I thought was very useful, not because I lacked it with myself but because I thought certain qualities about someone should interest someone else. In this way you say you find people in dating groups to be not so smart, perhaps you can join some social groups in topics that interest you and then you might enjoy the company of someone who you connect with.

In the mean time please tell us how you feel about yourself now and how things have improved for you in more details. Thanks

 
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Old 07-28-2013, 11:31 AM   #4
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Hi unloveable1. I feel like your post could have been written by me. I sincerely and genuinely relate to the frustrations of dating. While watching everyone else around you get engaged or married. And it seems so effortless for them. Most of my friends have never done online dating, much less regular dating-- they met their partner in school or at work.

I agree with keenobserver. I like the idea of joining social groups. I've come across some interesting meet ups. My only issue right now is feeling unmotivated to join them. LOL. But I am comforted to see that they're out there. And even if you don't meet a guy that way, I think doing something that interests you could be a big help.

Hang in there!

 
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Old 07-28-2013, 11:37 AM   #5
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Hi unloveable1. I feel like your post could have been written by me. I sincerely and genuinely relate to the frustrations of dating. While watching everyone else around you get engaged or married. And it seems so effortless for them. Most of my friends have never done online dating, much less regular dating-- they met their partner in school or at work.

I agree with keenobserver. I like the idea of joining social groups. I've come across some interesting meet ups. My only issue right now is feeling unmotivated to join them. LOL. But I am comforted to see that they're out there. And even if you don't meet a guy that way, I think doing something that interests you could be a big help.

Hang in there!

 
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Old 07-29-2013, 11:41 AM   #6
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by keenobserver View Post
Hi,
Things improving is always a good sign and now it looks like you want to take it to another level. Personally it sounds to me you are trying too much and by this I mean that you are trying to do things that are not natural to you. At the same time I think being natural will mean not trying at all which is something you do not want to do.

In my experience though I hear things like "being confident with yourself before showing it to others" seems to be something that I thought was very useful, not because I lacked it with myself but because I thought certain qualities about someone should interest someone else. In this way you say you find people in dating groups to be not so smart, perhaps you can join some social groups in topics that interest you and then you might enjoy the company of someone who you connect with.

In the mean time please tell us how you feel about yourself now and how things have improved for you in more details. Thanks
I'm going to be starting a new job soon after searching for 8 months so that's felt a little better. In response to the other post, it's helpful to see that some women are going through the same thing. To be honest, I was beginning to wonder if they existed. A lot of events I go to seem to have massive amounts single guys but all the women are already dating. As far as how I feel about myself, I still sometimes feel like I'm cursed to never date and that I'm too ugly to ever be given a chance.

 
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Old 07-29-2013, 06:01 PM   #7
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

I understand oh so well. I'm 35 and single. I can't tell you how many times I tell myself I will be alone forever. I'm online but don't like it much. I've met some nice people but refuse to settle. It's really hard and I spend a lot of time alone. 99% of my friends have their own families. I'm learning to not be so hard on myself but it's not easy. You're not alone!!!

 
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:46 AM   #8
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will I Be Happy View Post
I understand oh so well. I'm 35 and single. I can't tell you how many times I tell myself I will be alone forever. I'm online but don't like it much. I've met some nice people but refuse to settle. It's really hard and I spend a lot of time alone. 99% of my friends have their own families. I'm learning to not be so hard on myself but it's not easy. You're not alone!!!
I'm convinced I'm going to be alone forever, too. One member of the group I left is trying to bring me back into it and said they're still considered single until they're engaged, but I feel like, since she's dating someone else's fiance, she's the last person who should be giving this type of advice.

 
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Old 08-01-2013, 02:24 PM   #9
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

I have many friends who are married and have families. And several friends like me (late 30s, early 40s) who feel like they're never going to meet the right guy and are frustrated beyond belief. That they're going to be alone forever. I often feel that way too. And that certainly adds to the anxiety and depression, no question about it.

My mom is dating a man whose daughter is 48. She didn't meet the love of her life until she was 40. She has two kids and a great husband. So I guess the moral of the story is that we have to find a way to love ourselves as much as possible right now and have hope. I know, not easy. Not easy at all. But stories like that do give me hope.

I'm not sure where you live, but if there are activity groups for singles, that might be something to look into. While my married friends, or those who are in happy relationships that seem to be leading to marriage, are great, it is tough when you feel like they can't relate. I try to find other things in common with them, and if the vibe isn't there, it's not there. I'm no longer afraid to let go of friends whose lives have become too different from mine.

Good luck! You are so not alone, trust me!

 
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:12 PM   #10
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Re: Feel Very Frustrated and Deeply Depressed

Hi,
Just thought to all the previous posts that if you can learn to love yourselves first then you can at least be happy with yourself no matter what the circumstances are. Then when you meet someone new you will find that your love of life will make it easy to get to know new people. Then if you try to take it further you can start getting vulnerable to wanting something that is not right for you. But at this point you should remember that you are in control of what you want and not the other person provides.

A simple note for future hardships: if you feel that you should be with someone, please analyse what you want and what the other person offers then see if there is something to work with. Usually anxiety which leads to depression starts when there is an error in judgement which we realise after we overcome the crisis.

 
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