Low Libido in Diabetic Husband - Diabetes Message Board

Zoo · 12-06-2000, 11:49 AM

My husband was diagnosed w/diabetes about 3 yrs ago (type 1). We don't have much of a sex life. I don't know if it has to do with the diabetes or what. If I ask him for sex he looks at me like I just asked him to do the dishes and if I touch him he moves away. In bed if I touch him he will roll over face down. I have gone to bed naked and when he comes in he'll put his arm around me and when he realizes I have nothing on he rolls over. I cry myself to sleep every night. He won't talk to me about it. I feel totally rejected. By the way he's only 31 and I'm 29. He is very stressed at work. And he recently came home from a business trip of 6 weeks and it's now been over a month and we've only had sex once. While he was away we talked about sex all the time and now that he's back..nothing! He's recently starting to lose weight again and not feeling good and always tired. We don't have a particularly strong marriage. In fact about 1 yr ago he ended a 1 1/2 yr affair (which was "only for the sex" which depresses me even more. He had sex all the time with her and now that we are working on us he doesn't with me. Please, I'll take any advice.

Oldguy · 12-10-2000, 09:52 PM

Hi Zoo,
Yes, diabetes can cause low labido and impotence in a man. I wish that I could say that it was true in your case, but it doesn't quite ring that bell. If hubby is having a lot of stress at work, and seems to be putting in more and more hours, (even if he really is at work), his problem is likely psychological. This does not mean that he doesn't love you. More often, a man in this problem loves his wife very much, but deep inside he can have a hangup such as thinking sex is dirty and he's violating his wife. He can release ALL of his urges with someone he has no reverence for. Likely, he only practices a missionary sex with his wife with no trimmings, and with the other person he can let it all hang out. I'm sorry if I offend you by being blunt, but sex is the smallest part of a marraige, but if goes wrong, it is the biggest part. The hard part is getting the man to look for help. Women think they have it bad, but men are just as sensitive deep inside. It's just that they have been expected to be tough, to swallow their tears, NEVER TO FAIL, and for this reason, never go to a shrink about his manhood. The best book I ever read was "GAMES PEOPLE PLAY" BY ???. Get it and read it. You may even find you have a problem that he won't discuss. Pray a lot. Things are easier to bear when you know God is nearby. God bless and help you...Oldguy

gest · 12-28-2000, 08:36 PM

When I read your message it really hit home. You sound very much like what my girlfriend is dealing with right now.
The problem I am dealing with right now is very similar to what your husband is facing. My girlfriend (Jan) and I haven't really been creating much sparks in the bedroom lately. She is still the most amazing woman in my eyes. But when it comes to showing her how I feel, I find my self really turned off. Sex with her has turned into a chore. Although I haven't cheated on her (and don't feel I will) the very thought of another women arouses me to the highest levels. (This at least tells me that there’s nothing wrong downstairs)
I’ve thought a lot about the reasons why, but have only come up with more questions. At 27 years of age, I hardly feel that my sexual peak is gone. Sometime I find myself trying to blame her. Not sexy enough, not aggressive enough, you name it. Then I blame my self, I don’t feel sexy, I’m not as aggressive as I used to be. When it comes down to it, I really don’t know what the problem is.
Could it be the sexual chemistry between the two of us?