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Old 01-03-2011, 05:34 AM   #1
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Question Helping a diabetic act diabetic

I am only within the first steps of dealing with my diabetic sweetheart. He is nearly impossible! His weight has ballooned, along with his attitude. Praying for patience and understanding is so far gone. With the best part of this being, this is just the beginning. I have been encouraging him to diet for months b/c of his weight gain, now this. Now he has to diet. He doesn't seem to realize that when he has extra helpings, he's only hurting himself. He's not "sneaking" behind my back, only making things more difficult for himself but also for me. He, in turn, gets frustrated that his sugar levels are so high, ignoring the fact that he finished off the would-be leftovers from our meal, over night. We cook relatively diabetic meals (I know that sounds lazy) but it is his refusal to control his eating and portions that make our healthier meals into virtual junk food. I am at a loss. I can't force him to exert control. I try. We keep lots of fruit in the house, low sugar snacks so he does not feel completely restrained. But he'll eat and entire box of whatever treat, in one sitting. I cook 95% of our meals so that I know how much fat etc, is going in. He'll use an entire stick of butter if you let him. Me taking control seems necessary, at this point in time. I've tried to step back and see if he would assume responsibility for himself, maybe I was babying him, but when left to his own meal prep, he completely ignored all portions and cooked as if it were his last meal. I am so very frustrated with him. I am healthy, not over weight, exercise on a less than regular basis. I am trying to follow a diabetic lifestyle but he is not. Yes, I want a cheeseburger and fries and 2 apple pies on the side but I am not doing it, it wouldn't be fair and I feel it would be cheating even though I am not diabetic. I suspect though, that he may have had the pies I so passionately crave. I try so very hard to keep my mouth shut to avoid fighting. I do not tell him that he's making me diet or guilt him. I try to make the diet seem like "oh, I feel so good eating healthier". I am doing all I can to make him understand the magnitude of being diabetic without making him feel hopeless or like a burden. HOW!!! How do I help him to help himself!!

 
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Old 01-03-2011, 07:34 AM   #2
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

Sounds like you are doing everything in your power to help him but he isn't. Like they say...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

I would be totally honest with him and tell him, I have done as much as I can to help you and if you won't help yourself, well your only hurting yourself. I'd also go with him to his next Dr. visit and tell the Dr., maybe he/she can talk some sense into him. Someone needs to wake him up or he is going to be heading for disaster soon.

I wish you luck, but you can't watch him 24/7......JJ.....
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Lil Panda (01-04-2011)
Old 01-03-2011, 10:55 AM   #3
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

You do what you can. he needs to wake the f up. im guessing hes a grown man?

maybe he needs to see what diabetes can do to those that live with their head in the sand.

he needs to grow up
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Old 01-04-2011, 12:25 PM   #4
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

Just to give an ounce of info to the replies... yes, he is a grown man and quite able bodied. He takes care of every other aspect of his life except this which is obviously by choice not inability. I wish I could "make him drink". I am trying so very hard to be supportive but in the end, I am the only one following any diet rules, I am the only one who has changed their lifestyle. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to have to sit back and let him make his own choices. I plan to continue abiding by the diet, hopefully it will in some way bring him around. Perhaps it's gonna take an actual medical scare to bring him to the light of his health. I've been in his shoes, I have more than empathy for him, I have epilepsy, chron's disease and ulcerative colitis. I have had all 3 of these diseases since I was 13. I've fought my parents on diets and medication, wanting to be a normal teen. In the end, I realized I wasn't normal and couldn't do all the same things. It was simply a fact of my life. No, I'm not saying people w/ diseases are subjected to being bed ridden but the fact is, I had to live a little differently. I had to watch my diet and my stress levels as well as getting proper amounts of sleep. I could hardly go to a slumber party when I was younger because it always entailed staying up too late and it wasn't healthy for me.
I only hope he realizes this before it's too late and it takes too much of a toll on his health.

 
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Old 01-04-2011, 04:37 PM   #5
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

Lil Panda...He may just be in a state of denial. Over 25 years ago my hubby went for his usual physical in the morning as he worked nights. I worked days so very seldom went with him and vice versa. When I came home I asked how things went and I got..fine. 3 months later I went for my physical and the Dr. asked me if hubby was following his DIABETIC diet. I just looked at him like..HUH... Well by the look on my face he knew dear old hubby didn't tell me so the Dr. and myself had a good talk.

When I came home I confronted hubby about it and he said..no big deal and just went on eating as usual. Spite my "nagging" and putting up lunches that were more healthy for him to bring to work it was all for nothing.

One day when I arrived home from work and passed by hubby's truck I noticed his lunch bag on the seat. I opened the door and saw he had eaten NOTHING I had put in there. I came upstairs, showed him the bag and said...Well I can see I am wasting my time trying to help, so eat as you please, just make sure your insurance is paid up. I know...cruel, but I was totally ticked off. Naturally he didn't speak to me all night, but next day when I came home from work he decided to talk. After that I had no problems with him eating much better. Maybe it was a cruel thing to say, but maybe he needed a reality check.

He was never over weight and worked at a job that required a lot of exercise, but he does have a very strong family history of Diabetes. Just do what you can and hope he comes around and starts taking care of himself before he has major problems.

Take care, and keep us posted how he is doing and take care of YOURSELF....JJ....
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:09 PM   #6
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

Panda-

He sounds like someone who resists doing the right thing the more that people want him to do it. He's going to have to want to do this for himself. Not you, his mom, dad or others will be able to convince him unless he wants to make the change.

I'm not sure how his doctor broke the news to him, but you might want to talk to his doctor and see if your SO can be put into a Hospital based Diabetes Management class.

Another idea might be an intervention with you and his family and friends. You only need to search the web for pictures of diabetics who have had to have limbs amputated or have gone blind.

The bad thing about food as an addiction, is that unlike smoking and drugs, it's needed in order to live. He's going to have to retrain the way he thinks about food.

Good luck in your endeavor. Remember that if he chooses to consider the reckless (or careless) lifestyle, you do not need to take any blame for him doing that.

wb

 
Old 01-05-2011, 04:03 PM   #7
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

^^ I agree completely with this.

I, myself, would call his Doctor and ask if he could take him around the kidney disease area of the hospital so he could see the people on dialysis or with limbs amputated. The only thing you can do is tell/show him that if he doesn't care about himself, he clearly doesn't care about you either.

Maybe he just feels he's too far gone to correct anything so what's the use? Therapy might be a good option if it's available to you as well.

good luck!

 
Old 01-15-2011, 06:49 PM   #8
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

Hi Lil Panda

I feel for you - my now husband was diagnosed about 4 years ago...within 2 years he had acute neuropathy in his feet which meant he couldn't work for a year. He is back at work now, but that is all he can pretty much do. He gets home from work and goes straight to the couch. He can't exercise because of the pain, which means his weight has ballooned. Now he's decided to not take his shots and to not eat to try and lose the weight - I have told him this is only going to make his pain worse. (Bad blood sugar control = worse neuropathic pain). I am realising how hard it is to be with someone who is type 1 diabetic.

We have no physical relationship to speak of, and even I'm not interested in it. The times we have tried it it has been unsuccessful. This is a big concern.

Since not eating this week he has experienced heaps of hypo's - he's never had a hypo where he becomes unconscious, but I'm sure it's probably just around the corner. Unfortunately, he never sees the endicronologist and never has his blood tests so I guess it's a bit like flying blind. Smoking heavily up until now is obviously why the neuropathy is so bad - luckily he's cut down, but is still smoking a bit.

Very hard situation to deal with. Very hard being the partner of a type 1 diabetic.

It sounds to me you've been very supportive - particularly with the way you organise his meals etc...you've done everything right. I have been very supportive, but perhaps could've been over the years more when it comes to meals etc. Now he's not eating so I guess there's not much I can do about that.

I realise that this has caused me problems - I now find myself getting very angry at him, and I have a lot of resentment inside. I think I probably need to discuss this with someone professionally.

Does anyone understand my situation?

Thanks


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lil Panda View Post
I am only within the first steps of dealing with my diabetic sweetheart. He is nearly impossible! His weight has ballooned, along with his attitude. Praying for patience and understanding is so far gone. With the best part of this being, this is just the beginning. I have been encouraging him to diet for months b/c of his weight gain, now this. Now he has to diet. He doesn't seem to realize that when he has extra helpings, he's only hurting himself. He's not "sneaking" behind my back, only making things more difficult for himself but also for me. He, in turn, gets frustrated that his sugar levels are so high, ignoring the fact that he finished off the would-be leftovers from our meal, over night. We cook relatively diabetic meals (I know that sounds lazy) but it is his refusal to control his eating and portions that make our healthier meals into virtual junk food. I am at a loss. I can't force him to exert control. I try. We keep lots of fruit in the house, low sugar snacks so he does not feel completely restrained. But he'll eat and entire box of whatever treat, in one sitting. I cook 95% of our meals so that I know how much fat etc, is going in. He'll use an entire stick of butter if you let him. Me taking control seems necessary, at this point in time. I've tried to step back and see if he would assume responsibility for himself, maybe I was babying him, but when left to his own meal prep, he completely ignored all portions and cooked as if it were his last meal. I am so very frustrated with him. I am healthy, not over weight, exercise on a less than regular basis. I am trying to follow a diabetic lifestyle but he is not. Yes, I want a cheeseburger and fries and 2 apple pies on the side but I am not doing it, it wouldn't be fair and I feel it would be cheating even though I am not diabetic. I suspect though, that he may have had the pies I so passionately crave. I try so very hard to keep my mouth shut to avoid fighting. I do not tell him that he's making me diet or guilt him. I try to make the diet seem like "oh, I feel so good eating healthier". I am doing all I can to make him understand the magnitude of being diabetic without making him feel hopeless or like a burden. HOW!!! How do I help him to help himself!!

 
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Old 01-15-2011, 07:22 PM   #9
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

diabeticspouse...Boy I really feel for you. My hubby has had severe PN for years but not for the lack of not trying to take care of himself. Hubby is Type 2 but still has the PN and I really feel for him. Not only is it in his feet it is progressing to his hands. He gets so aggitated as he can't feel things very well so of course is so limited to things he can do that were once easy for him. Luckily like I said, he tries very hard to take care of himself and do what is right so it isn't his fault.

I seriously don't know what to tell you except try talking to his Dr. if he will go, but if he continues on this way he is heading for some SERIOUS problems. I understand he will have problems trying to exercise but there are some exercises out there that he could do that might help. Not eating is the worse thing he can do, but you know that, plus not taking his shots or following up with his Dr.

Hopefully you have talked to your Dr. about this as I am sure you are stressed to the limit. I can only say I sincerely wish you luck having him turn his attitude around, but have absolutely no advice what to tell you to do. He has to want to help himself but it sounds like he just is giving up or something.

Take care, try and keep us posted and we are here to support you. JJ..
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Old 01-16-2011, 07:07 AM   #10
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

Swimming would be the best exercise as it doesn't cause pressure on the painful extremities, and gives a good overall workout to all the muscles due to the water resistance without too much strain, because the water supports the body while you move. And it's more fun than a bicycle or treadmill. And you don't get overheated and sweaty.

As far as the overeating, even if it's "healthy" foods that are being overeaten, I know with myself personally, there's an unrelenting hunger involved. I don't know if there's some other imbalance at work, or if my body truly doesn't sense fullness or what, but my doc recently started me on Byetta in addition to my other meds, and it is working wonders as far as my appetite goes. I take it 15min before lunch and 15min before dinner, and it slows down the digestion, so that I still feel full hours later. I also chew gum a lot to ease the feeling of needing to be nibbling on something constantly.

 
Old 01-16-2011, 12:41 PM   #11
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

It sounds like you have done a tremendous amount to help him, and I have to agree with the other posters, he needs to get a reality check. I am a single mom, and when I got diagnosed I went completely healthy and stringent. This became a problem eventually as my son wanted foods and meals I had raised him on (southern folks love their fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and collards...lol). I found that I felt so deprived that eventually I broke down and bought some great diabetic cookbooks that allowed me to make the same types of food, but in a healthier way. I also bought sugar free jello packs, and some dark chocolate kisses that I put into small snack size bags to pull out when I am having a chocolate craving. I do find that if I only fix enough for that meal or immediately freeze the leftovers for another meal, that we don't go back and snack on them. I also use cereal with fat free or 1% milk as a snack later in the evening to quail any hunger pains I "think" I am feeling . Popcorn has also been a great evening snack for me. The end results are that my son lost 30 pounds (he did not even look overweight!!) and I lost 40 in about 9 months. Feeling deprived and frustrated is what kept hurting me with being consistent. Just my 2 cents worth!
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Old 01-17-2011, 04:31 PM   #12
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Re: Helping a diabetic act diabetic

I'm with you on the popcorn, it really makes me feel full. I love the Pop Weaver Lite, tasty and filling. I've also learned to drink a lot of water if I feel hungry when I know it is really not time for a snack or meal. Causes a few extra trips to the lil girls room, but hey, I can use the exercise.....

Both hubby and my Dr. said a couple of small pieces of DARK chocolate is fine, so I buy the miniature bags of dark chocolate. Makes you feel like your cheating, but one or two a day they say is fine.

Take care....JJ....
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