So here it is. Felt great and think I did a pretty good job of letting myself go...but what is your opinion?
Breakfast: Venti nonfat latte from Starbux (200 cals), Blueberries and raspberries (maybe 1.5 cups), Banana (100 cals or so?)
Snack: Tablespoon or two of raisins
Lunch: Turkey sandwich on hearty/seedy multigrain bread with tomatoe, lettuce, and avocado
Snack: 10 chocolate covered almonds and a bite or two of a brownie
Dinner: Greek chicken plate: 2 chicken kebabs, salad (dressing on side) and pita bread (only ate equivalent of a small triangle slice) and a few bites of the rice
Dessert: Red grapes and a large fuji apple
And in terms of exercise, ran 5 miles this morning. Lookin' good???
Thanks for all the positive feedback!
It's pretty hot, tiger, but I ran inside on a treadmill.
Today I decided to swim laps - 72. That equals one mile, I think. It was actually a lot harder than I remember (I used to swim all the time, but haven't done it in almost a year!)
I've continued eating healthy and staying on track:
Breakfast: Lowfat cottage cheese (1/2cup), 1.5 cups special K cereal, blueberries, raspberries, and a medium banana (big breakfast)
Snack/lunch: 6 slices healthy choice turkey, 2 slices vegi cheese, apple
Oh and by the way, since I decided to limit my frozen yogurt dessert (that i usually couldn't get without some sort of topping - reeses pb cups or sprinkles) - my cravings have almost completely disappeared!!! I honestly think I was addicted to it and I know that sounds weird, but I believe it to be true. Sugar can be addicting.
I will have it again soon b/c it is something that I love and I don't want to eliminate it completely, but I don't want to become dependent on it again where I feel I HAVE to get it after every single dinner....
like I said LS stay away from the junk as much as possible and, dont buy them and, keep them on you kitchen counter cuz you might lose control and, eatem up.. if you get a graving once a week or so, then go buy it, eat it and, thats it.. try not to keep junk in your house.. if you crave sugar, you can have your yogurt, or a fruit, or a peice of dark chocolate.. .. the less junk you eat, the less you will want it... its just like cigarettes.
You're totally right because ever since I stopped getting the frozen yogurt I haven't craved it! I might get it tonight, but I'm almost afraid to b/c I don't want to WANT it, ya know?
I went to dinner last night at a mexican place and ended up eating a lot more chips than I expected (b/c I was so hungry when I got there, which is a death trap!!). The place was rather healthy and the chips were not greasy at all. I then got a chicken dish that was roasted in a salsa sauce of bell peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, and onions. It was delicious and I completely cleared my plate!...and had some pinto beans, as well. I was extremely full when I left the restaurant, but I feel like what I ate was rather healthy. Is it ok to be a little bit uncomfortably full if it was all healthy stuff that I ate? Also, I had only eaten a big breakfast of cottage cheese, cereal, a banana, and berries, and an apple, some turkey meat and vegi cheese for lunch.
The main reason I'm asking is b/c I am pretty full, again, tonight. But I ate a healthy choice meal (280cals) and all vegetables other than that (and lowfat cottage cheese). I had broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and peas. They were all steamed and obviously extremely healthy. So is it ok that I am full? I sometimes can't tell what "full" is and what "too full" is.
Oh, and I also wanted to tell you all about this amazing website! You can analyze your food intake, compare it to the new food pyramid, analyze your exercise, and even view a balance of the two on a little scale. It's so great! Here it is: http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/default.htm
Hey LS...you know that it is ok to be full...'too full' results from many things, but usually from eating too much food in general. You can be really full and not be too full. Think about chinese food- mainly veggies right? Veggies and water and etc are very filling because they take up a lot of volume in your tummy..but not calories! That's why they're usually a staple on many diets (not to mention their nutritional value)..
So if you look at your dinner, you'll see that you have basically a plate of veggies for dinner...veggies are realyl filling, so I'm positive you felt really full after...but that feeling will pass because they are digested and your tummy isn't so (physically) full. But I KNOW that you know this LS, and I also know that youre just looking for reassurance...so here it is! What you're eating and doing is great, and you don't have to worry about a thing. Even on your bad days, you know (based on the millions of replies) that they aren't really that 'bad', as you see them..You also know that you still are underweight and could stand to gain a few, and that your days are still fairly light, albeit balanced for the most part. You also should know that getting that 'perfect' diet isn't important daily, but over the course of the week, which is why one day of 'bad' (even though you know what we think of your 'bad') eating will not affect you in any way...
Yes - after dinner I was really full, but a couple hours later I was able to fit in some dessert So obviously I wasn't too full. I just made a big bowl of berries with nonfat strawberry yogurt and it completely satisfied my sweet tooth! I was debating getting frozen yogurt, but I am sooo happy I didn't because a) I wasn't even craving it that badly and b) it has probably half of the nutrition of what I ate instead (since it's basically just milk and sugar)!!
Today was sort of a "bad" day, so to speak. I know that it wasn't too bad, but I went to an event where there was a buffet and drinks, etc. and, although I didn't overdo it, I almost feel like I should feel bad. It's as if I need to feel bad just because I had fun and let loose!
I had some berries this morning before I went to the gym (where I ran 5mi) and some coffee with nonfat milk.
At the buffet, I had a slice of roasted turkey with cranberry sauce, steamed veggies, a little bit of cucumber dill/yogurt salad, a few bites of caesar salad, and some different fruit for dessert (and ONE bite of pecan pie - haha). Throughout the course of the day I also had 2 glasses of champagne and 2 rum and pineapple juices.
For dinner I made a lean cuisine enchilada and had some salsa and guacamole with it, as well as some baby carrots, pretzels, and a few lowfat tortilla chips. Even though I was full, I was unsatisfied...so I had a nonfat yogurt with special k cereal and some berries in it for dessert. As well as one tbs of this "better'n peanut butter" stuff that is supposed to be like a substitute for PB. Have you ever tried it? It's pretty good, but has a little bit of a chemical taste to it.
Anyway, I feel like I am doing pretty well with my diet, but I still need to work on emotional eating - that is definitely something that still always gets the best of me.
Thanks so much for the support...especially you, girlygirl. Your advice never fails to hit home.
You're doing so great LS!!! I wish I could say the same for me. Lately I haven't been doing so well. I've been worrying ALOT again about what I eat and I know I shouldn't. It's just so hard! I feel like I've been eating too much and I know I've gained a couple pounds lately. Even though I still only weigh like 102 at 5'1". Ok this is what I had yesterday.....
Breakfast: Kashi go-lean crunch cereal (a normal serving is 190cals per cup but I probably eat more than a cup, more like 1 1/4-1 1/2 cups) w/ skim milk, banana, and 2 cups of coffee
Lunch: We ate at hungry hobo and I had a 6" roast beef sub w/ lettuce and yellow mustard and some baked cooler ranch doritos (I know not so healthy) and a diet pepsi
Snacks: banana, apple, few baby carrots (all healthy so no biggie)
Supper: Tuna sandwich on ww bread, side salad w/ ff western dressing, and some vanilla yogurt w/ a little bit of kashi cereal in it. Then my sugar cravings began and I had 3 peices of taffy and my snacks....
98% ff no sugar added ice cream sandwich and a ff fudge pop.
I guess after looking at it after writing it all out I didn't do bad at all. My sugar cravings have been bad lately though.
So far today for breakfast I've had:
bowl of vanilla cream frosted mini wheats (I know they're sugary but it's one of my fav cereals!!) w/ skim milk, a banana, and 2 cups of coffee
But I'll probably eat lunch out today w/ my parents. Last week we went to this mexican place which is awesome by the way, and I had a chicken taco salad which is in a flour shell (I only ate half of it) and me and my mom shared a fried ice cream which between both of us we didn't even finish it. So I shouldn't feel bad about that but for some reason I do. I've been feeling guilty about alot of things here recently. I was doing so well but now I feel like I'm relapsing a bit. I feel like if I don't eat perfectly healthy then I should feel guilty. Ugh, I HATE being like this!! I think I just need some reassurance right now.
Girlygirl, I finished my Provera and it's been 6 days now and no period and really no signs of one either. I'm beginning to think it may not work. How long did it take after you stopped it to get your period?
Here is what I have done - instead of denying myself, I have a bite or two of dessert. We went to eat at this marvelous Italian food restaurant the other night and I was so proud of myself. I ate 1/2 of my entre, which was eggplant parmesan and took the rest home, about 5 bites of bread and dipping sauce and two bites of tiramisu. I felt great later, not stuffed but satisfied. Sometimes it takes more willpower than others, but if I can just concentrate on how good I feel afterwards, I can do it.
Piscean, I don't want you to think that I am being hypocritical by giving you advice about eating healthy, etc. In fact, I think it is very helpful to me because in reassuring you and pointing out how OBVIOUS it is that you did not overeat, I am reassuring myself, as well.
First of all, your day was not only not BAD, it was GOOD. You still eat extremely healthy and carefully (which is understandable) and your "sugar binge" ironically consisted of almost all "sugar free" stuff. Haha. When I have huge sugar cravings I eat cereal, chocolate, and all kinds of other "gross" stuff and I STILL haven't gained weight (knock on wood) so your 3 pieces of taffy, kashi, and sugar free ice creams will not even make a dent. In fact, you could be doing that everyday (although I wouldn't recommend it b/c that sugar free stuff causes a lot of gas and bloating - TRUST me- I know).
I have been extremely impressed with how wonderfully you've been handling everything. You've been an inspiration - seriously! You seem to have realized how freeing it can be to not have to think about FOOD every single second of the day and you have also realized that that doesn't mean you have to be fat! It's so easy to assume that if you don't think about food, you don't count calories, and you just eat what you want, when you want, that you will be fat (or out of shape)...but that is not the case! Our bodies are amazing machines and they WANT to be healthy and at a normal weight. So when your stomach growls or when you crave a steak, that is your body saying "I'm hungry and I need fuel to maintain my health" and "I need some iron and B vitamins - I don't want chicken, I want STEAK!"
And like girlygirl said in the last post, it isn't about one day or two days or even three days that you ate badly, it's about overall, how you eat and exercise. Look at the past month or 2 months and not the past weekend where you went to 3 barbecues, went out for drinks and dessert every night, and didn't exercise more than 5 minutes (for example) - and keep in mind - some people do this every single day!
You're doing great and please please please try to quiet the voices that are creeping back into your head b/c you are NOT getting fat, you are NOT eating unhealthily, and you should NOT cut back at this point.
Hope I helped....Now if only I could take my own advice....
I don't have a lot of time to respond, but I just wanted to talk to Piscean about the provera. For me, it took about 10 days (about a week or so..) before it 'worked'..I was in your position too, wondering if it would work!
IF it doesn't work, and you don't get a period, it means that you aren't producing enough estrogen (the pill is progesterone, which actually induces the period, but estrogen causes the buildup of the lining and such). If you aren't producing enough estrogen, it usually means that you need more body fat (ie/weight). In extreme cases, it could mean ovarian failure, but i doubt that...typically you will need to gain more weight..especially since you are still underweight!
Thansks for the replies. I'm still however having some trouble. I can't stop counting cals...I beat myself up over every "unhealthy" thing I eat...I've gained 2 pounds just here recently and all my clothes fit tighter and it's driving me nuts!...why can't I just eat and be normal? If I'm not thinking about food..I'm thinking about exercise. I don't overexercise though. I do yoga for 30-40 minutes 4-5 times a week and I walk usually 3-4 days week about 2-3 miles. But last week it was so hot I didn't walk any. I'm kind of blaming that a bit for me gaining 2 pounds but I still did my yoga. When I'm just laying on the couch watching TV or reading a book there's this little voice in my head that's telling me "get up and do something you lazy bum...you're going to get fat laying around like this!". I know it's not true but that voice is still there. How do I stop it? I'm so wrapped up in what is enough exercise and what is too much...how much am I supposed to eat or how little...what are the things I'm supposed to eat and what aren't....all of this is driving me crazy and I know I shouldn't listen to any of it but it's everywhere. Living in a diet obssessed society really sucks!!! Ok this is what I've had today so far......
Kashi Autumn wheat cereal w/ skim milk, banana, 2 cups coffee
Boca burger on ww bread w/ yellow mustard and lettuce, small side salad w/ ff western dressing, 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese, 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
Small vanilla ice cream cone from McDonald's....this is what I'm beating myself up over. I was going to get a fruit and yogurt parfait but the ice cream was just calling my name...I couldn't resist.
Supper: Don't know yet, but something healthy
Today was ok...yesterday was pretty bad though. We went to a chinese buffet last night and yesterday was also my daughter's first birthday so we had cake and ice cream yesterday afternoon. Yeah, yesterday wasn't a good eating day. BUT it was a good day. My baby girl is a year old now! Wow...time flies by so fast. It seems just like yesterday she was born. She's so beautiful..if I had a scanner I would post a pic of her. She's my pride and joy . I want to get better for her. I've been thinking alot about how I'm going to teach her to accept herself the way she is and never encourage her to diet or lose weight. I want to teach her to eat healthy but not deprive herself of anything either. I just don't want her to go through what I've been through. And I have to get better now while she's still a baby because soon she'll start picking up on my behaviors and I don't want that. You guys are going to have to help me out here again. I don't feel like I can pull myself out of this rut all by myself....I need some encouragement.
Piscean - I really want for you to get through this, so I'm going to help as much as I can!
Ok- you have to realize that these voices are ALL in your head and you CANNOT listen to them! For example - when you are sitting on the couch watching TV and you start to think "gosh, maybe I should be exericising," then counteract that voice with another POSITIVE voice. Argue back with it and say "No - I don't want to be exercising and I really don't NEED to. Besides, I deserve to just sit here and relax." It's true. And it doesn't matter if you just worked out yesterday or haven't worked out in 10 days!! You are not going to get fat! You have to trust that.
It's a good thing that you gained weight from where you were before -a VERY good thing. Your bones are healthier, your organs are healthier, and just EVERYTHING is healthier! I know it's hard to believe that, but it's true. And chances are you don't even look that much different from before (except maybe a little less gaunt!).
Your daughter is who is going to help you the most to get through this. You said it yourself. You want to get better for HER. You want her to grow up with a positive view of herself and a healthy outlook on food, exercise, and just life in general! And SHE WILL. But you're right - you have to get better now while she is still young.
In looking at your day I cannot even imagine why you feel guilty, but then again, I sometimes feel guilty about stupid things to, so I guess I CAN understand. You have been eating extremely healthily (as usual) and you can and should be eating more and indulging more often. It's completely normal for you to be having a little bit of a panic attack at this stage in your recovery, but it is unnecessary. You are not gaining 10000 lbs and you are not even overeating!
I know I've said this a million times before, but MOST people a) eat what they want, when they want, and don't even know what a calorie IS. And, yeah, there are fat people out there, but every person that is "thin" or "normal" does not watch what they eat. Most of them don't! Which proves that the body is capable of maintaining its own healthy weight, letting you know when it needs or wants something, and everything kind of balances out. Maybe you crave a huge piece of chocolate cake one night, but chances are you won't be eating that the next day. And of course not every single night, so it doesn't matter!
I can't even tell you how many times I've gone out with friends (and they are all normal/thin and eat normally) and one of them has said "I just really feel like mud pie" (for example) and I've thought - oh my gosh, how can she eat that and not feel guilty or get fat or...(on and on)- and then I realize that it's not as big of a deal as it seems and she eats normally the rest of the time. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's the CONTINUUM you have to look at - one day, one event, or even one week. Your goal should be to eat "healthy" (which, by the way, does not mean NO fat and limited calories) 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time, eat whatever you want. It's been proven that if you do this, you will maintain your weight and health.
Piscean- you are at a crossroads right now. You have all the potential to beat this thing, and I know how much you want to, but it's going to take some real courage to actually pull through. You have to start standing up to yourself, even though it might feel uncomfortable. In time, it won't be as hard to do, but right now, it definitely will be. Don't make exceptions to the rule (yeah but TODAY I really DID eat badly), because there are none. Just try and throw your hands in the air and look at the big picture...which in your case is LIFE, HAPPINESS, and most of all, YOUR BABY. You deserve to let go of this thing, so why not just do it. You can't even imagine how freeing it will be.
In the meantime, if you have to vent or want to talk, we are all still here.
Thanks for the encouragement and advice LS. These past 2 days have been easier and I haven't been worrying quite as much. I've come to realize I'm still a bit underweight so why should I be worried? I still need to gain some. I always weighed 110lbs before my ED and I was happy at that. I felt good about my body and I looked good too. However, then I ate very very unhealthy so now that eat alot healthier I may not even reach that. My ideal weight may be more like 105 now and right now I weigh 101-102 so only 3-4 more pounds and I'll be in a healthy weight range...at the low end still but healthy anyway (remember I'm only 5'1"). One weird thing I've noticed is it's alot easier for me to go eat out than it is to eat at home. I'm much more restrictive at home and when I eat out I still eat mostly healthy stuff but I don't care quite as much. Like last night we went to a local pizza place here and I ordered a small taco salad (without the flour shell) and I ate all of it and it didn't bother me one bit. If I would have ate that much at home I would have freaked out probably. I think it's just the social aspect of eating out. It's like when I'm around alot of people when I eat I'm ok. Weird huh? It's usually the opposite with an ED. I start back to school (majoring in psychology) and a new job also here really soon...next month. And I just want to be able to not worry so much about food and my weight. Because basically I'm just not going to have the time to worry about it. I'm kind of hoping that working and school will help me keep my mind off of it. I'm going to miss being able to spend so much time with my daughter though. That's the only downfall to me going back to school and working. But I need to do this. For me and for her. I'm majoring in psychology so I can help others with ED's. I want to specialize in that. I also want to make sure my daughter never goes through it. I just want her to love life and to not have all of the worries I've had to deal with. I blame my mom alot for what I've been through. She triggered my ED and also my anxiety disorder. I love my mom but in a way I resent her for what she's done to me. She also has an ED and an anxiety disorder. So I was raised with that and she made me believe so many things that I'm now discovering aren't true or are just wrong. It's really hard to change beliefs that you grew up believing. But I don't want to be like her and I don't want to put my daughter through what I've been through so I'm changing NOW. My goal is to be a happy and carefree person someday.. and I'll acheive that goal. I'm just going to have to work very hard at it. Anyway...thanks again for your reply. Your kind words and encouragment help me so much. Thanks!!
I know exactly what you mean about eating out, and it makes complete sense! Yes, during an ED many people say that they do not like to eat in front of people and that they prefer the "safety" and isolation of their own kitchen, but during recovery, I believe it is the opposite!
You're not trying to eat as little as possible, which is what people in the midst of an ED are trying to do - you are trying to eat healthy and it helps to gauge that around other people and it makes you feel better about yourself when you see that other people are eating, too! And are, perhaps, eating more than you or are eating more unhealthy than you!
Nights when I just throw something together for dinner at home, I tned to feel worse than if I have gone out to eat with someone else (even if it is just to grab something quick). It's the whole social aspect of it and it just sort of feels more justified.
I think it's so great that you are going back to school, and I hope that it will help you to not think about your eating as much, but don't let it do the opposite. Sometimes when you get very busy and regimented it makes you more rigid with your eating. Just watch that!
Good luck, though! You seem like you are going to be just fine..........