Hamilton92

It constantly feels like there is something in my throat when I eat or drink anything. It almost feels like knots in the back of my throat. Usually the feeling is in the back of my throat behind my tonsils area.
I sometimes wake up in the morning with a funny feelins in my upper back usually between my shoulder blades and upper back area in there like it is being squeezed and my breathing feels funny for a while after I get up like I can't get in a good breath.
Sometimes I get horrible gas pains right in the middle and upper stomach where I can't hardly even walk and my stomach gets so tight.
I recently had a hida scan done and the doc says my gallbladder if filling up very slowly. I don't have insurance and he wants another scan done with the CCK injection where they give you meds to make your gallbladder contract to see if its working correctly.
I feel so weak a lot of the time because I haven't been able to eat right in about 2-3 years almost now.
I am currently 5 feet 10 inches and weigh 140. I have been maintaining my weight for a few months now supplementing with vitamins, supplemental drinks like the carnation instant breakfasts, ensures and boosts, stuff like that to make sure I'm still getting the vitamins I need. But I am so sick of being sick.
Does anyone else ever feel this way or have similar symptoms and know what I'm going through here. I really need some support because no one in my family seems to understand me. I notice on my diagnosis my doc wrote down anorexia I guess because I have lost so much weight and can't eat half the time. Last time I saw him last month I broke down in his office and started bawling like a baby and told him you don't understand, I want to eat! But he wrote that diagnosis anyways.
I am constantly scared of choking on my food and dying. Its gotten so bad that I almost can't eat at all. It almost has to be a liquid diet or very very soft food that will go down easy or I can't hardly eat at all.
I would love to be able to eat a Mcdonalds burger or chicken, anything solid for once.
Also when I wake up in the morning my stomach, especially right around my belly button area feels so raw inside. My insides of my stomach feel like raw meat, thats the best description that I can think of at the moment.
Especially right before my monthly menstrual cycle begins my stomach really starts feeling bad and I usually get diarreah really bad about a week before it starts also. I also have been told from a colonoscopy and endoscopy I had done that I have a mild case of colitis. No GERD or acid reflux though.
Can anyone relate to what I am saying. If so please please post.
I have been getting very nauseated here lately,never to the point of throwing up but I will get very sick at my stomach like I'm going to though.

I am scared and feel so alone. I don't want to die because I can't eat, I want to eat I really really do. I would give anything to eat normally!
I have no insurance anymore because I lost my job because of being sick and calling in too often.

The state keeps denying me for state assistance for medical insurance. Do I keep trying to get approved for that or is that useless? I guess you have to have a very very serious illness as an adult to get state assistance, Medicaid.
I know it was very easy to get my children approved. They were approved and had their insurance card in the mail in less than a week probably I'd say.
Sorry to make this such a long posting. I'd love to hear from anyone!