Family Don"t Care..they Don't Understand - Disabilities Message Board

Miss Idaho · 04-20-2005, 10:44 PM

MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER HAS TURNED ON ME. I have had 8 surgeries, 4 on my neck and the 4th DEc '04 on my back in the past 10 years. I have worked @ a job in between all these surgeries and taken care of everything from making a new dinner every night and doing all the housework and all the outside work and loving it. Now after 8 operations my spine has completely fallen and my Doctor said you can not keep doing this to your self; you need to file for Disability and rest.

Well I filed in Jan '05 and my husband and daughter makes me feel like a piece of garbage. And it is all my fault because for all they're life I have taken care of everything all these years. You see, they have seen me in the hospital 8 different times and I have always gotten a new job and continued life. Now that I cannot do much of anything, they hate me. We are so broke it is killing me inside. The bills are way out of my control. I am a mess, I just want to die. You have to know that I love to work, and that is one of the biggest problem I am trying to overcome..And then them on top of me..

I can't deal with it..It hurts so bad.. I should here from SS very soon, but
I hope it comes back positive..if not there is no reason for anything. Has anyone went thru what I have?? What did you do??

Thx for a listening ear

tiresome · 04-21-2005, 08:56 AM

Miss Idaho, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Shame on your husband and daughter for being so selfish. Sounds to me as if you take all of this on your shoulders including thier being selfish. You should stop that, you have shown them love and kindness, it is because of who they are that they took it and became selfish instead as loving and giving like you are. Perhaps family counceling is a good idea. You need to focus on yourself and getting you better. Is there any other family members or friends who could show you support? If so go to them as you really need a support system right now. Let us know how you are doing. One of the great things about this board is that you get support and advice.
I know what you mean about being upset on not being able to work. I too struggle with that because I have always been independant and feel awful about not being so any more. I take one day (sometimes one moment) at a time and try to be thankful for the good in my life. I know it is hard, but hang in there and try to keep your spirits up.

write · 04-21-2005, 01:51 PM

You really need to sit your daughter down and explain to her what's going on. As for husband is concerned, this is a really big issue. I cannot imagine not being supportive to someone I say I love. Even though I am not married and don't have any kids I know what's right and what's wrong. IT'S WRONG how they are both treating you. Your husband needs to wake up, stand up and be a man. He needs to understand (more than your daughter should) that you need your family to be strong for you and help make you get used to this new life you're put in. Instead of knocking you down, they should be building you up. Your husband needs a wake up call QUICK

Glojer · 04-22-2005, 10:15 AM

Miss Idaho, Your family can only make you feel the way you allow them to make you feel. You have been their rock and support for all these years and now it is hard for them to accept you as not the one to do everything. Most people do not like change, and families are no different. Stop letting them make you feel selfish etc. and they won't. You have worked hard all your life and you deserve a chance to enjoy life without so much pain. You have also paid into SS and you have earned the right to collect now that you are not as strong as you once were. When your family gives you attitude, give it back! Let them know (in your usual sweet way) that the word family means you are in this together and everyone gets what they give or put another way you get out of it what you put into it. Good Luck and let us know how you are doing.

Miss Idaho · 04-25-2005, 01:11 AM

Thankyou so much for replying. Things are not getting better just worse because of his drinking. But I can't leave. I'm sorry i can't go on right now. Thanks I will try to write later.