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Old 04-28-2005, 06:56 PM   #1
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huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

My father went out on disabililty sometime around 1988...I was around the age of 16. For some odd reason..(just learned about this yesterday, so havent had time to look into it)...my parents received a check a couple of months ago...(a social security disability insurance check)...issued to my father..but has my name on it as the minor child...I am now 32 years old...so .....

1)..we are not understanding why they are just now receiving this check...after all these years.....

and 2)...who is entitled to this check......me.... or my mother?????

my parents did not get the chance to look into this when it first came in the mail...as my father was very sick...and they wanted to wait until he got better before looking into it further...and before cashing it...but, unfortunately my father passed away in March, before they had the chance to look into it.


does anyone have any idea as to why they would be receiving this check now???? why did it take 16-17 years for them to get it???

 
Old 04-29-2005, 06:23 AM   #2
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

I would call your local ss dept and ask them to look into it.If this was done in error,and you cashed that check, it could come back to haunt you at some point when they discover the error and demand the money back.You may getting the check when they themselves discovered an error and are just now making it right.But either way, I would call them and have them look into it so you know for sure.Marcia
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Old 04-29-2005, 10:10 AM   #3
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

I called them this morning....twice...was told the same thing both times..they arent sure why it took so long to get the check, but regardless, the check is mine...since I am over 18 now. My mom does not believe this..and is very mad over it...at me, and at them as well.....she firmly believes the money is hers...even though they told her personally that it is not hers, that it is mine. However, since she refuses to listen to them, and to me, I am seeking the advice of an attorney. I do not want to risk having it haunt me, if they made a mistake.....so, because of moms anger...and because no one understands why it took so long for this check to be sent....I am going to look into it further..and make sure that it is legit for me to cash. They told me that mom, nor I should cash this particular check..that I need to bring it in to my local ss office, and have them re-issue the check in my name. Because this upset my mom so bad...I left the check at her house. Its not like she NEEDS the money.....she has "plenty" in the bank....she is just money hungry. I hate to sound cold hearted and rude about it....but she has always been this way.......

I have found out that the check is for only $433.00.....not a heck of a lot...but it definitely could benefit me. See, my father was very ill for the last 5 years....I helped to care for him...up until he passed in March. Because of having to be available 24/7---I was unable to work and help my husband financially. Now that my dad has passed, I am working on trying to get a job, so that I can help my dh with the finances. I put my family, my finances, etc, last on the list of my priorities...so that I could help mom take care of dad. Not once have they helped us....not even when asked. Its not the money....its the principle of the whole situation. I have give and give and give, done and done and done...when everyone else REFUSED to help.......not once did either of my parents say thank you.....not once have they ever offered to see if they could help us in return. and when I did ask for help..I was told "go to your mother in law...i'm sure she wouldnt mind helping you out!!!" I am angry at this time because of some things my mother said to me this morning....so I will close this before I say something I will regret.

 
Old 04-29-2005, 11:19 AM   #4
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

Why don't you split the money? Seems like the most obvious answer to me.

 
Old 04-29-2005, 01:06 PM   #5
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

Hi,

Sorry- but I can't agree with the advice of splitting the money. The check is rightfully yours. My son receives a check each month as he is a minor and I became disabled. This check is to be spent on him and only him. Not a problem, this is where my money would go anyways. Your Mom should appreciate the fact that you were there to help. I believe it is a families duty to help care for their own, but I can tell you that before my health issues came up- that my 9 years of being an nurse proved that so many families are not there to help each other. If your Mom is not in financial need of this money, I should hope that she would be happy for you to receive it.
Use it to help with your needs. Like the social security administration said- This is your check, not hers.

Best wishes

 
Old 04-29-2005, 01:24 PM   #6
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

Well, sometimes the "right" thing to do is not the "best" thing to do. I would hate to know that a family relationship ended due to $433.

 
Old 04-30-2005, 06:45 AM   #7
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

i hope this check is in a safe place.if your mom has access to it, she can and most likely will,cash it.Regardless of whether or not it has your name on it, she can still do it.This money IS rightfully yours and it really does sound like you need it much more than she does.i am sorry you have such ungrateful parents.i would love to have a daughter like you.don't let your mom bring you down.You know what you did for them and i am sure your other family and friends know this too and feel you are a wonderful person.Just keep that check in a very safe place until you can get it totally in your name.marcia

 
Old 04-30-2005, 07:03 AM   #8
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

the check is at my moms...i am not fighting over it--money is not worth it to me...i need the money....as no one knows the cost i incurred over the last few years trying to help take care of dad. i put my kids last, i put our finances last....we NEVER used credit cards during our marriage...as we dont like debt....but had to resort to using them, since i was unable to work..having to be available for mom and dad.

she cannot cash the check---social security office told her that the check is invalid, she cannot cash it, it has to be in put it my name before anyone can do anything with it. so i am not worried about her cashing it.

she has the entire family mad at crap at me over this...no one will speak to me..not even my own mother. it would take me hours to tell you everything i have done for my parents...and i never ever asked them for a penny.....or accepted it when they offered. my husband and i never placed any emphasis on money....family and love comes first. i have 4 siblings....NOT ONE would ever do for mom and dad...."they had their own lives to live".......and what FEW times they did....they asked for money....example:--my sister just painted my moms porch....in order to agree to do it, mom had to agree to give her some food.....(as she doesnt have a job...to sorry to work)....i would have NEVER asked for anything, had i painted for her.

but my free services are over with...since money is more important to her than love and family.....she can have it all. ----and now she will see just how "funny" this is...when she has no one to mow her grass, take her to the doctors, make phone calls for her....because I am officially done.

 
Old 04-30-2005, 02:13 PM   #9
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

i went to her house today to get my push mower that we used to trim around her house....(to keep her from having to buy one!!!)...asked her for the check so that i could go get it issued in my name, so that i could give her the money.....her answer was that "she is NOT giving me the check....she is going to "call her lawyer"---(like they are going to tell her anything different than the SS office!!)....and if he tells her the same thing....she is going to send the check back to SS.....AND....that I am the cause of her NOT being able to get the check...so since she cant have it...neither can I!!!"

now i know just how greedy my mother is....this is so hard to take....because I always thought we were close....guess I was wrong, huh?


I now see that I was just being used....since I was the only one that my parents could count on....mom took advantage of me...and I now see that.

I am going to call SS office Monday, and let them know how she is refusing to give me the check.....and see what I can do.....I originally was going to let it go...but after the horrible things she said to me yesterday and today....if I can get them to re-issue the check, without having to have the other one....I will do that. I know they told me over the phone yesterday that they could not put a stop payment on that other one....but that was before I learned that she will not give the check to me at all. It isnt about the money..its the principle of the matter....and how I have done sooooo much over the last 5 years for her and dad....and how she is treating me now....OVER MONEY!!!! great mom huh?? I am the ONLY one of 5 kids that acknowledged, and bought for Christmas, Birthdays, Mothers Day, etc...everyone else just took it as another day....no phone calls, no cards, no nothing. Well, little miss has a birthday coming up May 13th.....then Mothers Day shortly after....wont get a thing from me this year!!!---as I told her...she could offer me all the money in the world to make peace...but no amount of money could repair the damage she has done.

 
Old 04-30-2005, 04:57 PM   #10
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

I wonder why only one check...hmmm... I would ask for an accounting of this. It just gets my mind going! I am thinking there were other checks along the way until you were 18. I am thinking they paid the wrong amount for a while and this check, many years later is the result of an audit. Oh, heck, I am going to stop thinking!

I am so sorry this has caused such a rift in your family. Unfortunately, it sounds like it may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

Take care of yourself this time.
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Old 04-30-2005, 06:42 PM   #11
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

Anyone that is the head of the household and gets S.S Disabilty.. Also recieves money for any children under the age of 18. This money is meant to be used for the housing ,clothing and feeding of dependent children. Which you where at the time this money should of been recieved by your father.
That is the reason he was given money for any children under 18 as he was no longer able to work and provide for any of his children. I don't understand why S.S. says this money is yours?

 
Old 05-06-2005, 05:57 AM   #12
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

there was a total of two checks one for $578 which my parents received in September 1990..of which I knew nothing about... and this check that is the problem.. reason being that there was only 2 checks...as SS explained to me, (and I didnt ask due to greediness,...me and my mother had the very same question as to why checks werent received monthly) my father was receiving workmens comp...when that ended, SS Disability started. Apparently I was close to 18 when workmens comp ended...since the payback check (the problem check) was for the year of 1989....and then the one they received in Sept. 1990 (of which I turned 18 August 3rd 1990, but the Sept check was for the month of August).

as far as why the check legally goes to me??....all I can tell you is what SS told me. Had I been under 18 when the mistake was found, the check would have went to my parents.....since it was not found until now (am 32 now)...it goes to me...because in their eyes, its money that was supposed to be spent on me to help support me.....since they didnt receive it back then.....the Government makes sure that the person who the check was to be spent on...actually gets it.

My quirk about this check is not a money issue...and I dont like to talk to people about it, cause they automatically think of it as me being greedy and fighting over money...when the true circumstances are not known. Only the ones that know the circumstances truly understand.

My mom still has the check....we have not spoken in a week...its NOT just about the check. So much more to it than that. Well, lets just say...as the saying goes....."the one who does the most for the parents, is the ones that get crapped on in the end"---that statement is so very true. Mom can have the check for all I care....that $433 is no where near going to touch the debt DH and I incurred due to me not being able to work..for having to be available 24/7 to help care for my dad. I was the only one of 5 kids that they could count on...so DH and I made them top priority. And now I get "thanked" for all that we have done.

 
Old 05-06-2005, 07:02 PM   #13
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

ladybug, just wanted to say, that without "getting into it" i truly understand about getting thanks....I simpathise(sp) with you, and in time i hope things will heal.

 
Old 05-06-2005, 07:28 PM   #14
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Re: huge question about social security disabililty insurance check

phobic....thanks....its hard to know that you gave someone all of your love and attention when it was needed.....no strings attached...just to get crapped on in the end.....although its so very sad to say...i am glad someone is out there that has been through it, and understands truly what i am saying. ..when someone dies, and checks or money is mentioned...they just automatically assume that money is the object...but that is definitely not always the case. i gave up my life for the last 5 years..not to mention my kids life...they are now 11 and 14.....for the last year, i would not allow my girls to have friends spend the night...cause i never knew when i would get the call to take dad to the ER...and for the last 6 months...i would not even make plans with friends that live close by....i took things on a day to day basis....(example..i would not commit to plans a week from now, etc...)

i am on medication for anxiety attacks...i would not even take them as i was supposed to...due to the fact that they made me sleepy and no one would be able to get me awake if needed....no one knows just what all i gave up...and incurred....taking care of my dad. my DH wanted to take me on a weekend trip for our anniversary this past january....since we never had a honeymoon....and he has NEVER offered to do this.....it sounded so marvelous and was sooo sweet of him to finally think about being romantic......but because of dad....i rejected the offer. and as i said in an earlier post....i did not even work...because we knew that i would have to end up quitting the job....or getting fired.( i did work prior to dads health declining, but when i had to start calling in quite often due to taking dad to ER..we felt it was best to just give a notice)..OR having to tell my parents they would have to find someone else to rely on, and dh and i didnt have the heart to do that to them.......i gave up so much....and mom knows it....i just dont understand why she doesnt appreciate all that we did do.....but i guess now...she will....she has no choice....tough love...if thats what you want to call it. i hate it, its killing me....but its something i have to do. there is so much more to this story that what i can discuss without boring the heck out of you. thanks for listening and understanding.

 
Old 07-24-2005, 11:18 AM   #15
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Angry Workmens comp mold in my office

My story is that the office I worked in had mold on the walls. I reported it twice to the office manager. They washed it but did not thoughly clean up the office. I did not think it would bother me. Boy was I wrong. I first caught what I thought was a cold and I did not go to the doctor. It finally went away in a little over a week. Within 2 weeks I broke out in a rash then three days later my neck glands swelled up. I went back to a doctor and was give antibiotics in which did not help. Then I began having problems breathing. The breathing got better once I was out of the office but by then my immune system had been compromised. My lymph nodes swelled up still and I have lots of stomach problems. Now it is in my Liver according to my doctor. WC is now sending me to a toxicologist and I am told that this doctor will find me fit to return to work no matter what? This is Florida and I know I am in for a long battle. Does anyone have any advice for me. Please let me know.

 
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