just wondering... - Disabilities Message Board

tammeran · 02-26-2003, 11:27 PM

it has been 8 years now, I became disabled after falling asleep at the wheel, damaging my spinal cord, and ending up in a wheelchair.....

and I'm so lonely....not for a spouse or even a relationship, since my husband left soon after the accident..... I've met some who started out "understanding" or "considerate", but the reality of dealing with the disability became too much of a hassle and they disappeared.....

I would just like to find someone who would go for coffee, or to a movie, sometime....nothing more intimate or "committed" than that....just friendship...

I have tried lots of different things, but even tho I state "up front" that I am disabled, and in a wheelchair, it seems so often that they seem suddenly "put off" by it, when the reality comes to light.....

What can I do, or am I to just resign myself to being lonely from now on? I do love making quilts, and collecting stamps, reading, even writing letters, but would so enjoy some "real" contact sometime with someone who isn't afraid of this, or who thinks I am somehow "contagious".....

It is difficult because I do not drive, but I know if I was NOT disabled that would not prevent someone from talking to me.....

oh well, I've rambled enough, just wanted to get this "off my chest".......(climbs down from the soap box, slips away)

catch22catch22 · 04-18-2003, 09:46 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your experiences, and I think it is ashame that people are so insensitive in this day and age.

I am wondering if maybe you called your local hospital and told them you would are looking for a way to meet people and get involved maybe you could somehow volunteer there, or call your united way in your area, there are lots of people feeling alone and isolated for one reason or another just looking for " companionship", and it sounds like you have alot to give.

Maybe you could offer to teach quilting, and could start a group of some sort.

I am just trying to think of things off the top of my head, but I really hope it gives you a place to start.

c-22

05-10-2003, 01:05 PM

Try searching the internet for bulletin boards (such as this) that focus on topics that you are interested in, such as quilting and stamp collecting.

I started working at home as an artist four years ago due to my health and it was REALLY lonely for me at first because I had previously worked in the restaurnat business (and been around people all the time!) for 27 years. I wanted to do a website for my artwork and started looking around on the internet for similar things to get some ideas going, and I started posting questions on some bulletin boards.

I have met some of my closest friends that way. MANY of them live right in the same area as me, but with all of us working out of our homes we would have never met each other without the internet. I have friends all over the world now. They are a wonderful support group and we network and share business ideas.......I don't know what I would do without these people!

A couple of years ago a group of us locally decided to all get together for a 'convention kind of thing' (we called it a gathering). As we planned in on the bulletin board, some of the people from other states decided it sounded like fun and wanted to come to and were willing to fly to Oregon. A huge group of us got together.....one gal even flew over from England! It was so awesome to meet the people whom I had known for so long but never seen. Since then, other groups from all over the U.S. have planned gatherings and get togethers to share ideas and just get to know each other better.

love and prayers,

aj in Oregon

------------------
~ 48 year old female; currently self-employed as an artist/designer/woodcrafter.
~ Previously worked in the restaurant biz for 27 years (not so good for someone with a bad back!)
~ Hereditary and congenital scoliosis, but it never caused any problems until I was 40+ years old.
~ 76 degree curvature had increased 2 degrees in two years 1999-2001; indicating surgery was necessary.
~ Surgery in March of 2001.
~ Fusion and insturmentation of C7 - T9.
~ Fourth rib removed; 5th and 6th rib cut back halfway; removed ribs were morselized and used for the grafting, plus additional bone harvested from hip.
~ After tthe hardware was attached, spine was straigntened 20+ degrees.
~ 2 weeks in the hospital.
~ Brace worn for five months. Bone growth stimulator device also worn several hours per day.
~ PT 5 mos. after surgery caused increased pain.
~ Follow-up surgery to remove hardware scheduled for Feb. 2002.
~ Round 2 of PT 2 mos. after hardware removal.
~ Medically released to return to full activity in July 2002.
~ Increased pain upon returning to regular work schedule.
~ Round 3 of PT in April/May 2003; continually increasing pain.

whitewall · 06-04-2003, 03:19 PM

I'm sorry you feel lonely tammeran

I struggle with feeling lonely too and understand the need for companionship. I have CP from being born 10 weeks premature. I use a wheelchair. I have little confidence that people will take me seriously in relationships and is very hard to find women my age to connect with. (i feel so different from my peers) I hope you find someone to spend time with soon. There are some special people out there but they are so hard to find.
take care
whitewall