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Old 01-05-2011, 09:44 PM   #1
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Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

I was recently awarded SSDI (yipee!), and my son now also gets 50% of my payment as SSDI until he turns 19 or graduates from high school. I'm curious as to how these funds can or should get used. A booklet I received says the money is first to be used to take care of his housing and food needs, then medical/school, then some can be used as recreation, etc. So can some of this be used to buy groceries and house payments, electric/gas bills, etc.?

It really stinks that I had LTD through my former employer, and my LTD has now been reduced by both my SSDI amount AND my son's SSDI amount. I had to hand over all of my and my son's backpay to the LTD company. **Sigh**. I suppose I should just be thankful I had LTD as it helped us keep our house while we went through all of these medical problems.

Any insight would be appreciated!

 
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Old 01-05-2011, 10:15 PM   #2
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

twohands: The unfortunate fact is it's standard to have to repay LTD but you are correct that you are lucky to have had LTD. Very often we see people here who have no income to help them while the SSDI process goes on and on and on.

Keep a folder and/or spreadsheet of receipts regarding your son's expenses. A portion of housing (rent/mortgage/utilities) can be attributed to your son but nothing like home repairs or appliance purchases, etc. So keep a record of what your mortgage/rent is each month and then if needed SS can ask you how much it was, how many people in the home, etc so they can attribute a portion to him.

Is your son very young? If he's nearing the age of 19 then as soon as his benefits end you contact LTD and alert them that the dependent SSDI has ended. Best way is to provide them a letter from SSDI that denotes the end date. Then your LTD will increase by that amount.
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Old 01-06-2011, 05:44 AM   #3
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

my stepdaughter, who lives with her mom, gets a payment under my husband's ssdi. her mother, my husband's ex, just spends the money on whatever she wants. my stepdaughter comes to stay with my husband and i often, in fact, as much, if not more, than she stays at her mom's. Her mom never gives her any money for when she comes here, so my husband has to pay for everything she needs while she is here out of his meager ssdi payment. meanwhile, his ex gets her hair and nails done all the time, and she goes on vacation whenever she wants. no money has been put into a savings account for my stepdaughter. we have contacted social security on several occasions, and they said they will look into it, but they never do. maybe some states are better at keeping track of the expenses, and mine is one of the states that don't care, or they don't have the resources. however, a friend told me that when my stepdaughter turns 18 or 19, depending on when she graduates from school, that her mom will have to show something in writing accounting for where the money was spent. that would be great if it did. i consider it my business, because i am in the appeals cycle for ssdi right now, and the money my own mother lends me to get by for food and medical visits is being spent on my stepdaughter sometimes. my husband and i get into fights and he says i am stingy if i don't, but now my mother gives me the money secretely so my husband does not know. it's sad that my husband's selfish ex has screwed up all of our lives like this. my husband was never like this until we got into this mess. it sure would have been nice if social security had been keeping tabs on his ex all along to make sure the money was being spent as it should have.

 
Old 01-06-2011, 08:59 AM   #4
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

tryingtobehopef--
i live in georgia and they are not like that here- i have to fill out a form once a year on how my stepson's ssi is spent (& he does not live with us). they do not ask for any receipts or proof, but i have them if they ever want to see them. i would assume that ssdi would be the same as ssi, but who knows... did you call the 800 number for ssa or did you call the local office where she lives? if she does have to fill out a form once a year, like i say, they do not ask for receipts on ssi, so a person could lie and spend money on themselves and even receipts would not help if they are not for medical & the like...i dont touch my ss money except for his needs, as he does have occasional medical expenses that his medi does not pay for any longer (dental,vision,etc) and of course his clothes. i have managed to save him a bit of money over 4 years and it came in handy in 2010 for med expenses that medi did not cover- if i had not been able to save any, i dont know how he would have gotten care as we can not pay his bills. sad thing, his mom has NEVER in the last 18 years (he is now 22) sent us one dime for his well being. hubby got full custody and no visitation rights for her when ss was 4 1/2 yrs old. she calls on occasion when it is at her convenience, but he wants nothing to do with her.
if she is old enough to choose where she lives, maybe you should consult an atty and she can live with you and ssdi will then come to you. if she is too young to have a say, maybe you should file for custody.

 
Old 01-06-2011, 09:40 AM   #5
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

i would love to know if she fills out a form, but my husband and stepdaughter say she doesn't. the woman is not very smart, in fact, she is almost illiterate. i look forward to the day when she gets in trouble. my stepdaughter doesn't want to change schools, and it is over an hour away. also, we don't have the money to fight for custody. even if she came to live here without a custody change, her mother would still keep the money. she stayed with us for a whole year last year while she home-schooled (and failed because she wouldn't let us help her and she goofed around all day instead of doing schoolwork - my husband is way too lenient). my husband and stepdaughter went to social security to try to change the payee, and they wouldn't let her without an official custody change. at this point, there are only a few years left before the girl will stop getting dependent payments anyway. then her mother will have to get her spending money elsewhere. she is pathetic. your son is very lucky to have a mom like you who does right by him. God Bless!

 
Old 01-06-2011, 10:49 AM   #6
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

just curious if you reported this as a possible 'fraud" type of situation where the mom is actually TAKING away ALL her money and spending it on the things that do NOT EVEN have anything to do with the child(the mom is basically 'stealing' the daughters alloted funds here AND on herself) or exactly what did you tell them? i am also wondering why this particular check is not under the actual "direction' of your hubby, the recipient of the ssd that even qualifies the daughter to even HAVE it? something just does not sound at all 'right' there ya know?

while i know when couples split up, things can become a bit different, but this just does not sound at all even really legal in some respects? i know with my sons portion, i too have to fill out that sheet too every year. ssd seriously NEEDS to have someone who is responsible AND actually just literate in charge of directing those funds. just 'someone' who is NOT her, in charge of making certain that the money is not being blown on 'moms lil wants and needs" here? its sort of a guardianship?? this just CAN be done under certain circumstances. if your hubby for whatever reason cannot do this somehow, an actual court appointed guardian CAN be placed in charge if this mom is simply seen as 'unfit' to even BE in charge of at least THAT particular amount of money?

everything truely depends upon the overall situation and the moms overall 'fitness" to even BE a 'good' mom/use good judgement and what ssd dictates and what is simply in that childs best interest if things are wayyy too off here with the mom too? does mom happen to actually drink or do any possible drugs that you are aware of or any children have mentioned along the way? THAT would certainly help you if she was impaired alot of the time.

did your hubby happen to actually use a disability lawyer to help him with his case? if so, i would most certainly ask that lawyer some questions, and also your countys local child protection or welfare unit too. someone HAS to stop the insanity being done by this woman. i am also assuming that your hubby is being forced to pay some type of actual child support as dictated by a particular judge? i would seriously at least consult THAT judge who was the most involved in the child support part of the settlement or divorce proceedings, esp if more recently done? getting that judge and ssd involved here and the county child services(their main goal ALWAYS is to protect the overall welfare of the children, not a money grubbing mom who is spending ALL that childs money ON herself) would at least possibly get you both somewhere more than you are now? ya never know how things can actually even BE done til you have really exhausted ALL avenues, ya know? what 'mom' is doing here is stealing that childs money, and not EVEN planning for her future either by not even SAVING any? that alone is kind of a 'red flag'? they DO also ask THAT particular question whenever i have had to fill out that form too. there just are alot of things so 'not right' here with this whole situation. they just 'could' force good ole mom to follow a court determined type of real 'budget" too when it comes to just where the childs money goes, then show it after. the thing is 'stealing' ANY federal check simply IS highly illegal too. if you CAN prove that is being done at all, shes screwed in THAT particular area.

this all comes down to her simply NOT doing anything in the 'best interest of her own child' and THAT just IS what does matter more than anything really, mostly in more of a legal way? but i would also stay on SSDs butt til someone simply listens and looks into this. they CAN also make her start collecting little reciepts too. not usually done, but in a case like this? i would think if they knew everything, they would mandate her in some way?

this just IS a minor child whos monies need to be protected by anyone other than HER(even the court would be better). esp if she IS actually illiterate on top of this? they NEED to eval HER overall competency too, for alot of reasons, but mostly how she 'can' even manage money in the first place? if there just are ANY unpaid bills over there or any situations where that child has truely badly NEEDED anything crucial to 'her' overall well being and it was NOT done, that could also come back to haunt her. esp if YOU and the dad had to outright purchase something that simply WAS supposed to be done using THAT ssd money? i would start keeping reciepts on YOUR end here too.

this is just a very sick situation, but contact ANY county services/legal branch along with ssd and see where you can just take this. i could not even imagine taking my sons money and spending it on anything BUT him. good luck with this selfish mom hon ,marcia
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Old 01-06-2011, 10:55 AM   #7
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

thanks, we have already gone through dss, the police department, social security, legal aid, etc. my husband was already on ssdi when they got divorced, so when the mother got custody, she accepted the dependent money in lieu of child support. the problem is that she doesn't use it to support the child. oh well, her free ride will be over in a few years.

 
Old 01-06-2011, 05:12 PM   #8
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

tryingtobehopef-
in most states if a child is 13 or older, the child can choose who they want to live with. in some states, change of custody at the child's wishes can be done via court by filing yourself without an atty and cost much less. all you have to pay if filing fee & maybe a small court cost.
it seems ssdi payee dependent rules are obviously a bit different than those of ssi.
if things have not changed in recent years, the old ssdi law regarding dependents that receive a check- as long as the child remains in school (even college up to a certain age), that child will continue to get benefits. however, i would think once the child is 18, the check would go directly to the adult child, and not to the custodial parent..
i know it really ticks you off, as it would me. i have went off on my stepson's bio mom on a number of occasions. mind you, she has not SEEN her son since he was 10 years old (now 22). but when he was living at home before he turned 18, she would call at times and tell me "if anything comes up with him that you & rick can not afford and need help with money wise, call me and i will send what i can"- *** ? she should have been sending money voluntarily for him-but not one time has she ever sent US one red cent ! and she seldom sent him any money for birthday or christmas either ! she told me several times she KNOWS we were getting help from the govt for his care.. WRONG ! rick NEVER got any assistance before we got married other than state childrens insurance. ssa always said he made too much money, even when single and only making $7 an hour... so after we met, with both of us working and making good money, we knew not to even try for assistance, cause we knew it would be a waste of time.. he only got approved for ssi AFTER he turned 18, and then was not living with us. yet she wonders "why doesnt he want to talk to me and know what is going on with his mother?".. he wants nothing to do with any of his bio mom's family either.
i would go slam off on the ex if i were in your shoes, cause i did with stepson's mom because she would call and stir up crap with me.
hugs to you--

 
Old 01-06-2011, 05:46 PM   #9
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

oh, i have already had a number of run-ins with the biomom, and surprisingly, my stepdaughter took her mother's side. so why doesn't the brat just stay with her mom then? Because she gets more privileges here, but my husband doesn't see it that way. It's a big drama that makes me even sicker. i have gone without needed medical care on many occasions because i gave this girl money to go have fun, hoping she would like me more, big mistake. you can't buy love. in my vulnerable state, though, i was desperate to try to fit in with their family.

As it stands now, the money my mother has given me is going right to my medical care, which my husband seems to resent sometimes. Too bad. i',m not backing down this time. i only stand behind him on wanting his daughter here because i am his wife, and i want him to be happy.

in the state we live in, a child can't choose where to live until age 18, when they are legally an adult. Family court will not let us file to change custody without a lawyer, which we can't afford. We have tried every legal avenue possible. i can only hope that she finishes school and goes to college or gets a job. otherwise, i can envision her at 30 years old, still sitting in front of our television set. If/when i finally DO get approved for SSDI (i am in appeals cycle right now), they all have a big surprise coming when they think another cash cow has come in and think i will freely hand out money again. Wrong, it won't happen. i will contribute to the household bills, and that's it!

 
Old 01-06-2011, 10:12 PM   #10
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

SpineAZ, thank you for the great information. My son is 16, and this will continue for 2.5 more years as he will be 19 when he graduates high school. I can understand the LTD company taking my SSDI backpay and offsetting my LTD by my SSDI amount, but I think it's terrible they are also able to reduce the amount they pay me by the amount my son gets and basically take all of his backpay.

tryingtobehopef, my parents were divorced and I so completely understand what you're going through. If there's one lesson I've learned in life it's that relationships are far more important than money. I really hope your relationship with your husband (and stepdaughter for that matter) won't suffer too much because of the actions of your stepdaughter and her mother. Also, I wish you the best as you pursue SSDI. Hang in there!

 
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Old 01-09-2011, 07:16 PM   #11
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

hi

this is what do-i give my 14 y/o son $399 amonth to put in his savings account out of his ssdi benefit he gets on behalf of my ssdi and the rest i use for the expenses of buying him clothes, recreation,etc-this way i figure when he becomes 18 he will have some money for college expenses,etc-his father and i have already bought him a car and when he is 15 he is able too get a learner permit-he is a very responsible young man and deserves the car-his school grades are impressive and he stands a good chance of earning a scholarship-he absolutley loves the car his father bought him and is out practically every weekend washing and polishing it-we feel he really deserves it. we are so very proud of him. so we feel grateful we are able to help give him some sort of head start as life is hard enough and we love our son dearly and are trying to help him in everyway possible given the fact that i am totally disabled and i want to contribute as much as i can to help him get started-he is the type of kid who never asks or expects anything and he knows how i suffer with my painful disibility and he is so considerate and helpful when his dad is at work, we are truly blessed with a wonderful son-he is definatly going places with hispositive attitude and i am confidant he bound to aspire to great things and a positive influence on society!-------One very proud mom
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Old 01-09-2011, 07:23 PM   #12
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Re: Use of my son's funds from my SSDI

i wish my stepdaughter's mom was like you.

 
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