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Old 02-16-2012, 05:10 PM   #1
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We all need a helping hand...

Hi to all my fellow HB forum friends,

I first want to say ,that this thread/post is not directed at anyone individually.If anything it is a reality check of myself with regard to what we all have in common..........a disability.Whether it be a mental condition,or a physical ailment (such as myself),we are all in the same boat.Being disabled,and unable to work,provide an income for our families,cope with things that "normal" people" find easy,etc..it is a continuous daily struggle that only worsens as we get older

The vast majority of outsiders have no clue,or are too ignorant to understand the nature of our problems/illness.From doctors to friends to former workers/colleagues.....the healthy public just doesn't understand.It is not a simple case of saying a prayer,taking a pill,"just exercise"or "snap out of it",blah blah blah.We/I quite often feel more and more isolated.

Recently,I have been a constant cheerleader of the HUGE number of approvals the last few weeks,but in all fairness,the ailments/diseases we suffer continue well after we get our back-pay,monthly checks,or Medicare.I would give ANYTHING to be healthy again,to be a productive part of the workplace again.Unfortunately for me,and many of us..........it will never be that way again

One of the primary reasons I am making this post is that even after SSDI approval ,most of us still feel alone,isolated,sad,despondent,financiall y stretched,amongst other things,and rely on other members on this forum for help, a shoulder to lean on,and basically .........a FRIEND

With all the positive posts I have read lately ,there is still an undertone that is common amongst all of us.Simply being approved only helps to a certain extent.

I hope we all make each day a better one than the day before.This forum has helped me beyond my wildest dreams,and I hope my contributions can help others in the same way

Have a great day,and lets stick together,
Your Friend ,
Ferd144

 
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Old 02-16-2012, 07:05 PM   #2
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Re: We all need a helping hand..........

I agree this board has helped me also. You are so right in what you wrote. Thanks

 
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:13 PM   #3
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Re: We all need a helping hand..........

I also agree with your post. I really the people who post nearly everyday on here and what i like to think of them as the 'old timers" It is nice to see the same people post and try to offer advice, and support to others. When new posters come in and really are frantic or confused it is amazing how we can help them calm down, slow down and give the best adivce you can get, nowhere else on the internet will you find that. At least I have not found anther site like helathboards/disability. We can help each other out because of the simalar experiences we been through or have seen happen to others. that is what is so great about here. i've learned so much just being on this site that I would not have a clue about, but then again dealt with Social Security on so many different levels. Some of us are reallly educated about certain things like LTD, STD, while others know about SSI or SSDI and Medicare , we have been there done that, and are Still doing it. I just have to make a comment, I can finally see now i've needed perscription glasses for a year now, and finally bought them, omg, it is unbelievable, how I can actually see, LOL hope fully less spelling mistakes now.

 
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Old 02-17-2012, 07:30 PM   #4
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Re: We all need a helping hand..........

I agree 100% Ferd. Thank you for this post. If I could go back to age 25 (the last time I recall being really healthy and feeling alive and good), I would go back to work at McDonald's and work until death if I could in exchange for just being happy and feeling healthy. You can not put a price tag on good health. I mean look at Apple co-founder Steve Jobs. He had enough money to buy a small country, yet all his money and intelligence could not stop his deteriorating chronic health condition.

I have not really been posting lately (kinda burned out from posting too much) but I do come to healthboards to read daily. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

 
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Old 02-18-2012, 10:30 AM   #5
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Re: We all need a helping hand..........

Ferd is right. When we get approved for SSD or SSDI our illness doesn't go away and the checks we get hardly make the month for some.

I'm so thankful for HealthBoards. There is none other that compares to this place.

People here are kind and supportive.

~Belle~

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 12:11 AM   #6
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Re: We all need a helping hand..........

I Just saw this post, and boy it hits home for me. I have been feeling so isolated, and alone, my illness is getting worse, I just spent 2 weeks in the hospital, for my congestive heart failure, and acute kidney failure. I had a well intended vistor while I was there. She is a old friend, but she said all the wrong things. She told me to pray real hard for my healing. I do believe in God, and healing, but she really got on my nerves. Shes kept telling me its the devil working on me, and put blame in my lap. She said If i loose a few pounds I would get better and snap out of it. After she left i was so depressed and realized why I do not stay in contact very often
Its amazing how many people precieve a person's disability, like its our fault, and snap out of it. I wish it was that easy.

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 07:37 AM   #7
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Thumbs up Re: We all need a helping hand..........

Thanks Ferd very well put.

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 09:03 AM   #8
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Re: We all need a helping hand..........

Quote:
Originally Posted by stepmum54 View Post
I Just saw this post, and boy it hits home for me. I have been feeling so isolated, and alone, my illness is getting worse, I just spent 2 weeks in the hospital, for my congestive heart failure, and acute kidney failure. I had a well intended vistor while I was there. She is a old friend, but she said all the wrong things. She told me to pray real hard for my healing. I do believe in God, and healing, but she really got on my nerves. Shes kept telling me its the devil working on me, and put blame in my lap. She said If i loose a few pounds I would get better and snap out of it. After she left i was so depressed and realized why I do not stay in contact very often
Its amazing how many people precieve a person's disability, like its our fault, and snap out of it. I wish it was that easy.
I hear ya stepmum. This is probably why I stay pretty much isolated. I am sure your friend meant well and was only trying to help you with her words. I use to tell myself I could just snap out of it with a little willpower. I only wish it was that easy. The fact is you just can't snap out of it. I know I would if I could and so would everyone else.

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 09:19 AM   #9
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

You know Stepmum54, for whatever the reason bad things happen to people its is a shame for people to blame it on that person, some of the niceset people in the world have bad things happen to them thru no fault of their own. You just have to find a way to block out those comments and forget about those hurtful words. I think people think they mean well when they really don't.And those people you can't change but you can change how you react to them but that being said it still hurts to hear those words put that way really (Like you really wanted this to happen to you). I hope I make sence I grew up with different people praying over me I do beleive in God but again for whatever reason I was born the way I am (C/P) when I was little and people would pray for me trying to change me and I was still the same I really thought it was my fault but as I grew up and realized you know what its the kind of person you are no matter what your short commings might be. Yes prayer couldn't fixs me but as I grew I realized its not my fault and its okay for people to believe what they want and I will believe what I want I do Beleive in God and he has saved me so many times there is a reason we just don't always know what the reason is why things happen the way they do. here are the times he saved me.. I was born terribly premature and back then they didn't try to save babies like they do today but thru the grace of God I lived ,2. Then I was walking to kindergarten from a oraphange I lived in and someone came from behind and graped me I fought with all my might and those metal braces came in handy that day and he let me go I never saw his face God saved me that day. 3. I was trying to catch tadpoles in a bayou and fell in those medal braces pulled me down quick but thru the grace of God I was able to pull on grass on the side to get myself out. My drunk dad was driving 100 miles an hour while we were not in any restraints and as a young child I was praying that we would not wreck and he saved us then. I really don't think for one minute God wants us to blame ourselves for our disabilites and I would forgive those that try to blame it on you they have no clue. I just want you to understand its not your fault and just believe that for whatever reason this is happening its just happening sometimes we don't know the answer it just is the way it is. but you can still be a good person and preserver. God Bless you StepMum54

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 10:56 AM   #10
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

I had a lady friend who's son, one of the smartest person's I knew, had been in a terrible accident and after several back surgeries was left unable to work.. and took up the day time party life - as there was nothing left for him to do - all his friends were working. As it will happen, drugs entered his life. His lawsuits made him a very wealthy person and he was bringing in about $4K or more a month - so he would never 'hit bottom'. I myself put him in rehab 3 times and another friend tried to get him clean on 2 occasions and we all failed. His mother was similar to your visitor - A devout church going woman yet she became his enabler. When he ran out of money, she loaned him money. So you can see he was using over $5K for drugs a month! I told and told and told her NOT to do loan him money and she never 'got it' but was afraid he would starve-God would get him off the drugs-she prays for him every day and night, but he has to eat. She thought he used that money for food. (No, I am not kidding) She is/was a believer that God will resolve and answer prayers. I do too, but what she was doing she didn't understand was hurting and not helping, regardless of how much one prays for another.
*HUGE SIGH HERE*

Anyway, this went on for over 20 years. He finally died 2 years ago after all the years of serious drug abuse and his mother just prior to his last hospitalization had said to me she wished she had listened to me. I wished she had as well, but he likely still would never have bottomed out, since his monthly income was so great. He was a brilliant man too. Smart as a tack at one time. He's gone and his mother developed Alzheimers nearly at the same time.

I think to look at it as some folks just have blinders on. They only see what they know to see. It all depends maybe on one's environment. Sad metaphor, but like If cars are always white then when one comes out in cream color, its still seen as white. I doubt your friend understood what she was saying was hurtful. I don't believe someone would go to the extreme to visit you when your ill and say something so hurtful. She just didn't know better or like I said before, that is a white car - its not cream.

I know many of my friends have no idea the real reason why I won't go there or here with them. I don't want to tell them I don't feel well. It becomes a stigma. And if I keep saying I'm sick/ill etc, then they may not ask the next time, so I make up a conflict of some sort.

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:12 AM   #11
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

Something that came to me last night that made me real sad, was that before my disability I always wanted time to go by slowly. Now that I just want to give back to my parents and be able to see my kids again, every waking moment is hoping time flys for an approval so I can give it to my parents and to my kids. What a change in life happens at an intance. Just venting and I do try to worry a lot less than I used to but were only human.

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:44 AM   #12
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MOnsterpete View Post
Something that came to me last night that made me real sad, was that before my disability I always wanted time to go by slowly. Now that I just want to give back to my parents and be able to see my kids again, every waking moment is hoping time flys for an approval so I can give it to my parents and to my kids. What a change in life happens at an intance. Just venting and I do try to worry a lot less than I used to but were only human.
Hi Pete

You seem like a very spiritual man,and I am sure that is what gets you through the darkest days

Hang in there,and keep the faith,as I am a strong believer in that philosophy/mentality."All good things come to those who wait"

Ferd

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:51 AM   #13
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

I hope the time passing for you quick also Monsterpete and its an approval.

Last edited by jgrangran; 03-08-2012 at 11:52 AM.

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 01:06 PM   #14
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

@ MOnsterpete, you are waiting in line for the ALJ hearing now, right?

 
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Old 03-08-2012, 03:34 PM   #15
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Re: We all need a helping hand...

Quote:
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@ MOnsterpete, you are waiting in line for the ALJ hearing now, right?
Yes. I have to be patient.

 
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