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Old 04-14-2012, 06:49 PM   #46
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

Evenin' Footyny,

Remember - that IT IS NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS UNLESS YOU WANT TO SHARE THAT PERSONAL INFO. PERIOD.

When people get 'tooo nosy' and ask what I do for a living -- I say "I'm independently poor." and I say it like I just told them I was CEO of some Fortune 500 company! They usually get the hint and it stops them. If they are closer to me than just a flippant remark and push further, I tell them I'm retired. Those that know me and the journey I've just been on over the last couple years know and they don't ask.

The only person I am concerned with is one neighbor -- she's a huge busy body who's wiggles her way into everyone business and who has a mean streak 10 miles wide. None of her 4 adult kids even talk to her, which means she doesn't get to see or speak to her grand kids either. She's just a mean ol' witch with a capitol B. She'd be the one who'd try to call SSA to make up crap about me. I grew up with her kids and she's known me since I was a small child. To give you an example of her mean streak: I am highly allergic to Gardenia's, Night Blooming Jasmine and the very fragrant Trumpet plant/tree. She's known this forever. Where our properties meet, she has a fence. She planted ALLLL of those plants right up against that fence which faces the most active side of my home. Before she did it, I knew she had the plants and I said to her in an asking/pleading tone "You''re not going to plant them on this side of your house are you?" And she said I sure the F am! I reminded her of my allergies and she said that was NOT her problem.
I also feel she killed about 2/3rds of my orchids.. but that's a long story too.

She's one of those kind of folks who is always nice to your face, and you know you will have knives in your back before the sun sets. And she wonders why NO ONE, including her kids have anything to do with her.

She's not that unique.. we all have someone similar in our hoods.. maybe not a drastic as she, but we have these folks. Be very careful with them. Do not give anyone info that isn't on a need to know basis. I truly expect she will try to call & report me to SSA on me and just make up something. In fact, I know she will - that is just how she rolls.

Hugs,

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Old 04-14-2012, 08:59 PM   #47
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

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Originally Posted by footny View Post
I don't know what to say either. I am single and staying with my parents, I had my own place, my own life, I did not ask for all these problems. I wish I could go out and meet people. I am not saying I am so gorgeous, but I will say I am pretty and I do look OK at times. However, I am very pale and I now let my grey roots come in (Runs in the family have had grey since I am 19) and in too much pain to wear makeup. But lately my friend told me I should continue to color my hair like I used to and wear makeup more so I can feel more confident.

I sit home all the time. People tell me your life is passing you by, you don't go out, it is not normal. My sister said I was faking it so I don't have to work. It has been really rough. My cousin is a PT and she recently suggested something for me to do, I wanted to take my cane and get it through the phone to hit her. Clearly, she has completely ignored the MRI reports I told her about, or that I can't walk far and if I do, I start limping. Heck, she saw me a few months ago and I was limping bad!!!

Before this I was enjoying life, I truly was. Now, I feel like I am constantly on the defense. Today I went to see a friend, and I am getting drilled, you need to take better care of yourself, why can't you live alone, what restricts you? Seriously, I left in tears. People are so mean.

Any suggestions would be a big help. I am tired of my "attitude problem"
Wow, this is so awful footny. Jacki gave you some excellent advice. I am pretty isolated so no one really knows I am on SSDI but my mother. I had a psychiatrist make me feel like I was a complete failure when I told him I was filing a claim for for SSDI. I am so glad I kicked this joker to the curb 2 years ago. It is not my fault I became too sick to work anymore.

 
Old 04-14-2012, 09:20 PM   #48
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

I have had grey hair nice I was 25 I I'll be 57 the 28 of this month. You have to the control take controll of your life, do you just to just sit in the house and wither away, if so you have short changing yourself.

Last edited by Administrator; 04-15-2012 at 09:59 AM.

 
Old 04-14-2012, 10:03 PM   #49
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

I do find I have to push past the pain and get out, even if to sit in the sun and take a walk around the block. I just had my hair highlighted, and while never a huge make up wearer I do find that I occasionally put a little on to feel like I'm not trudging to the grocery or pharmacy looking like I just got out of bed. I could easily fall into a trap of not taking care of myself, but I won't. I get up and shower every day as if I was going off to work or an appointment, etc. Some days just getting through doing nothing is nearly too much. Thank goodness for our cats, I truly believe they help. When hubby is at work I have "someone" to talk to. Hopefully you have good pain doc and surgeons to give you options, if you have any. If not for my pain doc and a stellar spine surgeon I don't know where I'd be. My spine surgeon will take on any challenge and isn't afraid to say"it won't make you 100%, but I believe if we do X, we can relieve the symptoms of A, B and C". One more neck surgery next year and maybe a few years with no surgery (goal is no surgery in 2012 since I had 3 in 2011 and the TKR was the hardest thing I've gone through in a long time, harder than spine surgery!)
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Old 04-14-2012, 10:18 PM   #50
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

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I do find I have to push past the pain and get out, even if to sit in the sun and take a walk around the block. I just had my hair highlighted, and while never a huge make up wearer I do find that I occasionally put a little on to feel like I'm not trudging to the grocery or pharmacy looking like I just got out of bed. I could easily fall into a trap of not taking care of myself, but I won't. I get up and shower every day as if I was going off to work or an appointment, etc. Some days just getting through doing nothing is nearly too much. Thank goodness for our cats, I truly believe they help. When hubby is at work I have "someone" to talk to. Hopefully you have good pain doc and surgeons to give you options, if you have any. If not for my pain doc and a stellar spine surgeon I don't know where I'd be. My spine surgeon will take on any challenge and isn't afraid to say"it won't make you 100%, but I believe if we do X, we can relieve the symptoms of A, B and C". One more neck surgery next year and maybe a few years with no surgery (goal is no surgery in 2012 since I had 3 in 2011 and the TKR was the hardest thing I've gone through in a long time, harder than spine surgery!)
When I was in the hospital a few years back with 3 Pulmonary embolism in my lungs , the guy next to me had noth TNR and I saw first hand the amount of pain he was in.

 
Old 04-15-2012, 06:16 AM   #51
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

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When people get 'tooo nosy' and ask what I do for a living -- I say "I'm independently poor."
Love it! I am going to remember that one.

 
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Old 04-15-2012, 07:18 AM   #52
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

I haven't received my approval or denial letter from the judge yet, but, I haven't worked in almost 3 years. When anyone asks me what i do, I tend to reply "I work a flexible contract job." Which I did and still couldn't manage it. When, I hope, I receive my approval letter, I'm going to smile and remark "I'm retired" even though I'm only 47yo.

I'm not one to share info with strangers that don't know my history of struggles; I know I'll enjoy the questioning looks I'll get. I'm just going to smile and change the topic.
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Old 04-15-2012, 08:00 AM   #53
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

Hi Needserenity and everyone. My problem is I know a lot of people.

I recently read an article that said in France, people don't ask what you do for a living, maybe I will move A friend of mine who has really wealthy parents, people would criticize her and say what is she going to live off her father and I say, why should she take a job from someone who really needs it? We had a long talk about the "what do you for a living question" She said why do people define you by what you do for a living, I told her to tell people, in this economy she does not want to take a job from people who really need it. I did not tell her that is what I say to people about her. I also told her she has the opportunity to help others and she started to do a lot for the troops. I am proud of her and she has been supportive to me.

 
Old 04-15-2012, 09:01 AM   #54
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

Only my children and one neighbor/friend know I am on disability. (and the good folks here, of course)

Before I became disabled, I already did over half of my work from home - going into the office a couple of times a week. So my neighbors still think I am working from home. It would be best that my neighbors don't know - I have a few who would turn me in, if they saw me hobbling too fast with my cane.

My parents also think I am working from home (we live hundreds of miles from each other). I haven't told them because I don't want to worry them. They have enough to contend with, without worrying about me.

I really don't get asked too often - probably because I don't get out much anymore.

 
Old 04-15-2012, 09:15 AM   #55
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

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Only my children and one neighbor/friend know I am on disability. (and the good folks here, of course)

Before I became disabled, I already did over half of my work from home - going into the office a couple of times a week. So my neighbors still think I am working from home. It would be best that my neighbors don't know - I have a few who would turn me in, if they saw me hobbling too fast with my cane.

My parents also think I am working from home (we live hundreds of miles from each other). I haven't told them because I don't want to worry them. They have enough to contend with, without worrying about me.

I really don't get asked too often - probably because I don't get out much anymore.

Excellent point Gayle! You're right -- The less I go out, at least during normal working hours, the less I will run into someone who's 'off today' who in turn will ask why I'm not at work 'today'.

Seems you likely have similar neighbor/s like me. In todays world many do not pay attention to their neighbors.. but truthfully - they pay very attention to us. SOOOOO If we all pay closer attention and focus, we will discover we all have our own <nosey person near-by> = stay away and don't share nuttin honey.

Hugs

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Old 04-15-2012, 02:25 PM   #56
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

I usually smile and say " I have many home projects at this time.." and if pushed I choose something I enjoy, like my NEW research on helping disabled folks. There is always a general, great answer. Just think it over. And NEVER, EVER feel bad or on the spot. I am sure you have a lot to offer this world just like we all do

 
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Old 04-15-2012, 02:48 PM   #57
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

I think I have that kind of face where everyone thinks they can say anything to me. I really don't know what to do about it. I am friendly, but I don't ask anyone how they pay their bills, yet people are constantly asking me how I pay mine.

 
Old 04-15-2012, 03:40 PM   #58
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

I have been on disability over 3 years now and I have yet to be asked a question like that..

 
Old 04-15-2012, 03:54 PM   #59
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

Maybe because I am a small female? I don't know what it is about me, in general people have always said mean things to me or asked me personal questions.

 
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Old 05-07-2012, 07:35 AM   #60
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Re: What do you say when people ask "What do you do?"

Excellent advice. I am also disabled due to severe RA and depression. At 53 years old, after working 35 years (25 of them at the same employer) I was let go because I could no longer function well at any job they tried to place me in. I respond to the nosy people who ask me why I have not gone back to work in a matter of fact way. "If I could work, do you think they would not have kept me where I was? I usually tell them I am a Retiree due to my occupational freedom I was given. I am officially disabled by SSA. Never even had to had one meeting with them. My health records clearly spoke for themself. The SSA rep I spoke with told me I should have been on disability for 6 years according to my records and was astonished that I had continued to work. Like all of you here, there are very few people that are aware of my disability. I plan to keep it that way, not out of fear of being turned in to SSA, but because it is non of anyone else business. I am actually doing better by not working and enjoying my life a lot more. My body is finally able to get the rest and healing it needs for everyday life. I feel I earned every penny of that disability check for the 35 years that I did put into the SS systems. Don't let people intimidate you with this. If they are bold enough to ask this question, they deserve to be ignored. Just turn around and walk away. They will get the message. Love and Hugs to all!!!!

 
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