I have come to the conclusion, after nearly 5 years of marriage to my husband, that our marriage isn't working. We have two young children together and, therefore, have been privately discussing an amicable divorce. My reasons for wanting to divorce are complicated and numerous. I have discussed it with my therapist and still came to the same conclusion.
What I want to know is if any of you who have ever been through a divorce or have experience with it in some way might have advice or input as to how I should proceed with this in order to create the least amount of negative impact for my daughters. My daughters are 6 years old and 11 months. They are very happy, well-adjusted, intelligent children and I am determined to do whatever I need to to keep it that way.
I have already discussed the possibility of divorce with my 6 year old, and what a divorce could mean, i.e. what kind of changes she could expect, I believe we have cleared up any misconceptions she had, for example, divorce does not automatically equal moving away from friends.
What I want to know about more are the technical and legal aspects of divorce proceedures, especially when divorce is amicable. I am looking in other places for this information as well, but just want to get my information from as many sources as I can right now before I do anything permanent.
my parents got divorced a few years ago, and both are so happy now...i feel bad that this is happening to you when i got so close to it myself...i know there will probably be many people on this board who can help you
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Rachel Leigh
Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
"To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
April-may you always dance with the angels above
my parents got divorced a few years ago, and both are so happy now...i feel bad that this is happening to you when i got so close to it myself...i know there will probably be many people on this board who can help you
Thank you. Your words are of more comfort to me than you can possibly realize.
I have come to the conclusion, after nearly 5 years of marriage to my husband, that our marriage isn't working. We have two young children together and, therefore, have been privately discussing an amicable divorce. My reasons for wanting to divorce are complicated and numerous. I have discussed it with my therapist and still came to the same conclusion.
What I want to know is if any of you who have ever been through a divorce or have experience with it in some way might have advice or input as to how I should proceed with this in order to create the least amount of negative impact for my daughters. My daughters are 6 years old and 11 months. They are very happy, well-adjusted, intelligent children and I am determined to do whatever I need to to keep it that way.
I have already discussed the possibility of divorce with my 6 year old, and what a divorce could mean, i.e. what kind of changes she could expect, I believe we have cleared up any misconceptions she had, for example, divorce does not automatically equal moving away from friends.
What I want to know about more are the technical and legal aspects of divorce proceedures, especially when divorce is amicable. I am looking in other places for this information as well, but just want to get my information from as many sources as I can right now before I do anything permanent.
Hello Genabeena. I am sorry for your situation. Though from your post, it does sound promising that things can be handled in an amicable fashion.
The legal aspects will depend on what state you are in.
As far as diminishing the effect that it will have on your children....I think you are already doing that. Any time that two adults can act as such and not put the children through a messy divorce, you already have a leg up. Other things to keep in mind is to be honest with your children, but they do not need to know all of the details. Never speak poorly of their father/mother in front of them, and do not use them as "pawns," "Spies," or "bartering objects." They will need plenty of reassurance and love and will need both of you to make the extra effort to make them feel safe.
Thank you. Your words are of more comfort to me than you can possibly realize.
your welcome...i never really thought about the power of words...my parents had what would be called a "good" divorce...neither hated the other, things just weren't working out...they still talk at times...and finally several years later my mom is remarried and my dad is dating...
i personally was angry at first when they divorced, but seeing how happy they are now takes away the anger...your kids will learn to understand what's going on...some divorced children are really okay with two homes, double the toys, etc...children find ways to cope...
we are all here for you...it's tough no matter how much it is needed or wanted...you just have to keep moving forward...happiness is out there and you would never find it if you stayed in a hopeless marriage...
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Rachel Leigh
Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
"To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
April-may you always dance with the angels above
Not to be that off topic but I mentioned before it is nice to have people out there to share thoughts and expiences. A persons words has a lot of meaning whether if its good or bad. Thats why we all remember who teased us in school...But when there are good thoughts it send chills down our spines and makes us that mucher better and stronger.
that's what this board is all about...getting help and helping others...i've seen many divorced people on here and i'm sure they'd be happy to share their stories...
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Rachel Leigh
Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
"To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
April-may you always dance with the angels above
My parents didn't have an amicable divorce, it was quite nasty as a matter of fact.
And of course, it was horrible. So, needless to say, if it can be avoided it was the only way to go.
I was, I think 15 when it happened. I was very happy, but the situation was different than yours, my father was physically and emotionally abusive, and I was glad to see my mother get out of a situation that she should have gotten out of much much sooner.
My brothers were younger, and i really do believe that if it had been handled differently, if anything it would have been beneficial for them.
Good Luck.
And I hate to end on a pessimistic note, but just from what I have seen, expect the very worst and be pleasantly surprised when it isn't that bad. Have a back up plan upon back up plan, just in case it turns out not so amicably. And of course, have a bank account in your own name. Any account in both names can be closed by either party.
oh i know about the bank account thing too...when i threatened to leave my hubby he says he wouldn't let me have any money to go...but how could he stop me...it was a joint account...but i didn't leave anyways...
__________________
Rachel Leigh
Proud Wife of Airman Wentler
"To really live, you must nearly die"-author unknown
April-may you always dance with the angels above
Yeah, that's one thing my mother ALWAYS said!!! Always have your OWN checking account. ALWAYS! It'll be the best insurance policy you ever have!
Your mom gave you the best advice
My mom said if you like to spend money don't own a credit card. I am 22 today and I have no CC or checking account. I only got a saving and I pay cash with everything.
My ex-husband and I decided to split up right after my son turned one.
He moved out the day after my son's 1st birthday. (we were married 5 years)
My ex chose to get his own lawyer due to listening to some cousins of his.
But it was still a friendly divorce and on the day we went to court and it was offical, I tooked my ex-husband out to lunch...
As for my son, we always put our son first...My son did not ask to be divorced. We did not get divorced as parents just as husband and wife. I wish more men and woman understand that.
my ex calls every night to speak with him or Just to say hello or good night before bedtime...And I do the same...
It's called putting the children first, feelings or angry second...
Good Luck with yours and I hope it works out for everyone.....
My ex-husband and I decided to split up right after my son turned one.
He moved out the day after my son's 1st birthday. (we were married 5 years)
My ex chose to get his own lawyer due to listening to some cousins of his.
But it was still a friendly divorce and on the day we went to court and it was offical, I tooked my ex-husband out to lunch...
As for my son, we always put our son first...My son did not ask to be divorced. We did not get divorced as parents just as husband and wife. I wish more men and woman understand that.
my ex calls every night to speak with him or Just to say hello or good night before bedtime...And I do the same...
It's called putting the children first, feelings or angry second...
Good Luck with yours and I hope it works out for everyone.....
Thank you very much everybody. I'm very glad I posted this thread. Every piece of advice is needed and very much appreciated. I also appreciate the warnings. It is important for me to know what I could possibly expect as well as recieve encouragement and examples from your own experiences.
It is all very helpful to me. I'll keep checking each day to see if there is any more input, as well.
