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Old 05-06-2004, 06:54 AM   #1
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texasmom990 HB User
Autism and Divorce

My husband and I have been having problems and divorce scares me to death because of my autisic son. I know that tragic changes in their lifestyle can cause set-backs or worse.

Has anyone else out there had to deal with this?

 
Old 05-06-2004, 08:02 PM   #2
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Re: Autism and Divorce

Well, to answer the first part of your question YES! I think most couples if not all couples have at least mentioned the "D" word in their marriage one time. I've been married for 18 years and I've lost count on how many times my wife and I got divorced ;-) (sorry, I don't mean to make light of your situation as it sounds serious but just wanted to try and crack the smallest of smiles on your face:-)

Now on the more serious side. If you're seriously considering a divorce, then yes, this would have a pretty dramatic effect on your child, autistic or not. Autistic kids like things to be very structured and very much the same. The absence of your husband is a pretty big change for the little guy. I can't say that if would cause a major traumatic experience for him that's causes him to go into total remission but I've seen even normal kids take their parents divorce pretty hard so imagine what it may do to a kid who you can't really explain what's going on due to the speech/language issues that autistic kids have.

Now you'll need to go to another board to get marriage couseling but in my humble opinion, it would be well worth it to go to a marriage couselor if you really want to save your marriage and your child - if you don't think you can work it out by yourselves. It's really that serious! If you're Christians, go to a Christian counselor or to your pastor - someone that is not paid to tell you what you want to hear (not knocking marriage couselors as there are some honest, good ones out there...)

Good luck and I pray that you guys work things out. God really hates divorces and what they do to the human family <soap box off :-) >

One more thing, dealing with special needs kids in a marriage sometimes is one of the causes for friction in a marriage. You typically get into arguments becuase one didn't like the way the other handled the child's latest outburst or temper tandrum or you don't agree on what to do, etc. If you at least acknowledge that this may be part of the problem vs. notloving each other anymore or something else, this may help you guys work things out. I say this out o experience as my wife and I go through this as well. Only our faith keeps us going however! Ok that's all on marriage couseling advice :-)

RD
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