Hello, It's me again.
I think my marriage is over and I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to me now that I my dh has given me this disease. *sigh* I am terrified at the thought of dating again and having to disclose this to anyone new mainly out of fear of rejection. I know it would be a long time before I was even ready, but I am known for thinking ahead. Anyone have experience with this and meeting someone new?
My soulmate, whom I met almost 14 years ago, didn't think it was a big deal. I told him what I thought we should do to protect him (as described in "Happy Couples" thread) and so we have done that ever since. Some people freak out, I guess; but others consider you and the relationship as the most important thing. If someone sees his chance to be with you, the special person you are, as subordinate to the chance of getting herpes, you know that he is not meant for you, and that the relationship would be a failure in the long run. And you don't want another failure--I sure didn't, when I broke up with my ex.
I empathize with your dilema. My ex gave it to me and I am terrified of the same thing. I just started dating again and the thought of having to disclose that keeps me awke at night. Their is no easy way to have that conversation. If I come up with something I will let you know. The only way I can see it working is by having the knowledge to educate them on it .... Oh yeah and blame your ex that should help.
I don't have experience in meeting somebody knew, but my current partner passed it onto me. He never told me he had it until he experienced and ob. He said we should wait a week, which we did and we used a condom, but two months down the track i got my first ob. I supposed i could have gotten very upset with him, but instead i ended up educating myself and him. I couldn't believe he hardly knew much about it!! So you see, i could have left him, but he means so much to me and now we both have it. He still can't believe that i accepted it so well.
I sometimes like to think far ahead too and have thought on the odd occasion, "what if we part, what do i do then?", but you can't allow yourself to think way to far ahead. In your circumstances, as you said, you aren't ready to date right now. You need to sort out your marriage/seperation etc first, then get yourself settled somewhere and ease into your single life slowly. I don't think dealing with your marital break down and herpes all together is a good idea. Leave the herpes behind for now and concentrate on yourself and your new life. One day when you are relaxed and more at ease in your new life, then you will approach the issue of herpes. That's the way i'd be doing it. Deal with what you can fix right now and leave all the rest for later.
One thing you can do right now though is taking the right vitamins/minerals etc to counteract the stress/anxiety you would be feeling. If you are finding it hard to sleep there are a variety of herbal remedies such as Valerian to relax you at night. Daily are you taking a multivitamin or any other natural medication? Eating right and drinking perhaps some herbal teas, water, fruit juices. When you are stressed and anxious my doctor always told me to do some form of physical activity like walking, but in the evening to do relaxing things before bed to keep you relaxed and help you sleep.
Stillhope1, wishing you strength to find the courage and the right words to tell your new partner and i hope we will hear good news from you soon.
I posted a thread today March 3, 2005 about how I completely stopped outbreaks and symptoms. Please read it will be of great help to you and your ex-husband. Herpes the virus is not nearly as terrible as the emotional strain it causes. Dontwastetime is my screen name, the thread it "Do you have or think you have Herpes 1 or 2?" You will not regret it. If you follow my suggestions as well as anyone else, please keep in contact with me to alert me of your progress. Click mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org