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madmac · 06-03-2005, 05:36 AM

Hi folks,
Mentioned in another thread that wife is a nurse. Coerced me to see shrink in UK in Jan 04. Diag cyclomethic- could not give answers he needed. Wife left, now seeking divorce- "I can't put up with mood swing". Wondering if she knew the real me in the last 10 years. Hates me, hates sypmtoms or doesn't like the idea of a sick husband? We married insickness and in health- she has her own problems- never considered walking out on her. Knew if she fell off her motorbike I'd be stuck with a cripple- no problem.

What do you think?

What do you know from a legal standpoint? She's earning 50K a year (I helped her finish degree, took her through sevral countries to expand her nursing credentials. I'm now living off parents and awaiting state help- unable to teach, hold a steady job.

Regards.

terrienne · 06-03-2005, 08:19 AM

Hello !

I just read your post this morning, it's afternoon for you..., RIGHT ?
I have read about some of your problems you are having..........,
and I do not know quite what to say.............,
I thought you might need someone to talk to, by reading your post today...,
I truly can relate to what you are going through, and I do feel sooo for you.

I have also read where you have gotten some wonderful advice from some
great folks on your other Thread you did.

You ask, ' What do you think ? '
I am afraid if I told you what I really think about her.......................,
I would be kicked off this message board !lol.

I feel so blessed to have a great Hubby. If it were not for him, I would probably be in a ditch somewhere, Ya Know ?
We have been married for twenty three years (82'), and I was diagnosed as
having Bipolar disorder. Back then, it was called ' Manic Depression ',
in 85' !
We have been through so much together, raising our four Kids, (grown now !).
I still tell him I don't know how he puts up with me !

Actually, I am doing better lately, since our Kids are grown. They live just
the right distance from us !lol. Also, we have five Grands., and I don't do the
babysitting thing. However, we do have them over for a visit.
I have learned that there IS a difference ! Ha !

Also, I think I am doing better, and have been, since I had to quit work,
as a Hairstylist, about eight years ago, because of my bum knee, !
My Doc told me if I didn't get off my feet, I was headed for ' Knee replacement ' ! That was enough for me.
And I was to the point that I couldn't handle working with the public anymore.

I have an e-mail friend who lives in the UK ! We have been e-mailing for
about four years. He is a great guy. He is an Engineer.
He is a big family man, very smart and a perfect gentleman.
We share a couple of talents. Of course mine do not remotely compare
to his.
We both paint. He does beautiful watercolors, and I do oil paintings !
He is a real writer, if you know what I mean..........,
I have learned so much from him, just chatting about family and so many
differences in our countries, Ya Know ?

Also, he convienced me that I could write ! Long story short...,
I do have a few of my writings on a couple of Web.Sites, in the US of A,
as well as in the UK !

What do I think from a legal standpoint. What a ***** !!! I know things are
different in the UK, however I would seek out a Lawyer.
Have you thought about this ? I don't know how it is in the UK, but here
in the Southern US of A, there is no initial fee. You only pay when things
are settled.

If things are the way I have heard they are, things are so different in the UK.
I mean health care is the pits, right ? You just shouldn't have to wait so long,
for everything !!!!!
Also, awaiting state help....., this could be a loooong wait, right ?

Did I read that you are on medications,..... ? Hopefully, they will Kick in,
SOON, and you will feel better. Hope so..., and hope you will keep in touch.

Now that I have talked your ears off, I must dash, for more coffee !
ttfn

Thanks for listening,
Wishing You Well and Happy Days...,
Gee Gee

Ruth6:11 · 06-03-2005, 03:36 PM

Unfortunately most states don't NEED a reason for a divorce.
Ethically, I would understand someone who left a Bipolar spouse who REFUSED treatment even tho they KNEW in their plateau moments it was causing marital problems - and had manias that were abusive.

Otherwise, in my opinion the phrase
"In sickness & in health"
applies to ALL illnesses...

mudhound · 06-03-2005, 03:46 PM

Well,, I'd be lieing if I said that the thought has never crossed my mind. It has and many times. My wife has BP and so far I have stuck ti her like glue. I do love her and want the best for her. One problem after another can wear a person thin. Ruth is right about this issue. Most states have a so called no fault divorice. What a shame!
I too would be banned if i gave my real opion of her.

madmac · 06-03-2005, 05:02 PM

Let me make a correction- I am now in Canada. She left me in a coma in a Welsh hospital, then 4 months late asked me to join her in a small town in Canada "to make the marriage work". Seems more so she would have her mother there, and I would be remote from family and help, and the divorce would be easier for her. Gave up the house I built for us in Wales (rented it), and a position I got in law school after she had left.
regards,

wspr4 · 06-04-2005, 07:48 AM

Well I am sorry for you, but I can understand it. I don't know how my db puts up with me. I can't even stand myself. It's hard to live with someone with these disorders, no matter how understaning they are. I feel so bad that I can't control it, sometimes I feel I should just isolate from everyone, sometimes I do. Ask her to go to therapy with you, maybe you can work it out. If not be strong, try to keep it together for yourself. I have turned to God, putting my faith in him has helped me alot, my prayers will be with you.

Zbaby · 06-19-2005, 01:08 PM

MM - Are you in separation mode, or is the divorce proceeding rapidly?

I know you've heard the sympathy comments all before, but one thing to ask yourself is, do you really want to be with her? You mentioned that she can't stand your symptoms and doesn't want to be with you anymore, but what is your true assessment of your feelings for her beyond your reactions to her behavior?

If she really is cold enough to drop you like a hot potato once you know you've got BP, then she must have dropped hints about her true nature prior to the break.

If you think you might be healthier without her (and something tells me you would be), you might want to move forward with the divorce in the most efficient and cost-effective manner.

However, sorting through all these feelings will take quite a bit of time, especially in light of a 10 year marriage. It sucks that you have to do this while you're struggling to cope with BP, but your success will just go to prove that people like us come out stronger in the end when problems are multiplied by our condition.

Based on some of your previous posts, I think your wife is very small-minded and will ultimately realize years later that she gave up a great guy. You sound like an incredibly interesting and smart man, and I'm guessing you've done a lot of traveling, too. I'm not sure how all-encompassing your condition is, but it's clear that you've got a whole lot of living ahead, and plenty of love to give and receive.

If you've been successful once before, you can be successful again. Maybe not in the same way, but probably in a better way because you'll have learned from past mistakes. BP forces you to be more mindful of your behavior and mistakes so you can protect your health. This mindfulness will make your future happiness more acute and long-lasting because you'll remember the dark place from whence you came.

The sky's the limit! You could do something as random as becoming the next Famous Amos (just send me a few cookies if you do). With so much talent, creativity and life experience, you might surprise yourself with what you are capable of accomplishing.

And if you start doubting your self-worth, just remember -- it's the BP talking!

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