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Divorce & Separation Message Board
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Old 08-25-2005, 06:34 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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MSuCANTsmokeME HB User
Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

I never felt like this before! I am tired, cranky, my knees and lower legs are hurting me. Then, I hear from my wife that I look fine. I know I can hide it but I am feeling really drained!

I had an MS attack the beginning of August. I was in the hospital. I am out on disability. I am waiting for that money. I am unemployed, too!

She's always thinking of the money! She can not sleep and she always says to me that it's better at work.

I can not handle this!

I am always a happy person making everyone laugh. Now, she says that I fight with everyone at my job that I was at for 12 years.

Oh, I wish I was born without MS right now. I am thinking about skipping town! She does not know how I feel! I wish she could feel it and have a nice attitude like me!

None of my friends know that I have MS. If I trip or fall, I play it off. I play off all of my symptoms.

Now, I can not play off anymore! She thinks I'm fine because I look fine.

I really want to scream!!!!!!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 06:46 PM   #2
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lilc HB User
Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

I do know how you feel. Don't have the same issues, but I DO know how you FEEL! Almost no one knows I have MS, but those who do are NOT helpful. And they say and do all the wrong things.
I also know, as you do, that melting down is the last thing you need to do to yourself. That's exactly what started this mess for me.
You cannot do this alone, STOP TRYING. You've made a good start, right here. You HAVE TO have someone to talk to, someone who cares about you unconditionally. You've got that here.
I'm praying for you tonight, hang on.

 
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Old 08-25-2005, 07:04 PM   #3
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MSuCANTsmokeME HB User
Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

Now she's crying and yelling saying that we're gonna lose the house and we can't pay the bills.

I have an interview tomorrow at 10 am. She's draining me.

I told her that I am going to leave. She said if I do, get divorce papers.

I can't stand this tonight or anytime!

 
Old 08-25-2005, 07:28 PM   #4
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lilc HB User
Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

I know you can't. You are right. You need to find a way to take care of you tonight. Sounds like she's scared to death and it's coming out mad and crazy. But it is draining you, and you need all the energy you can get for tomorrow. I couldn't tell for sure from your 1st post, but she does know you have MS, right? Either way, her education is another topic altogether.
Please, don't do anything tonight to sabotage your interview tomorrow. If you have to sleep on the couch do that, it's better than no sleep. You just need to both calm down, neither of you is in a state of mind to make decisions tonight.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 07:44 PM   #5
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Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

Hey listen.....you guys sound like me and my ex. I am not justifying her going off on you. But I think I can explain what is happening...or what "sounds" like is happening.

Sounds like you have severe financial stress. We did too, toward the end of our marriage. The way women are geared...the way God made us...is we must have a sense of security. If we perceive that security is threatened, we *can* get out of control.

I also completely understand how you feel re: the MS, the stress, the hiding it, the being-sick-and-tired-of-being-badgered. My heart truly aches for you. I've walked in those shoes, too.

Lilc is right....do what you must to take care of you tonight.

I am sorry if I sound preachy. I really do understand you both...and I wish I could hug you both and make it alright. Hope you are both able to rest tonight and see all of this through different eyes tomorrow....

 
Old 08-25-2005, 11:47 PM   #6
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luvtocamp HB Userluvtocamp HB User
Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

Are you newly diagnosed? Major life changes such as this take time to adapt too. Your waiting for disability money, so relief is on the way. Please don't do anything drastic- she needs time to deal with this too. We went throught bad times when I was diagnosed- loosing my income and work was very hard. Better times are coming and all this stress is not helping. Try to think things through. Bless you both.

 
Old 08-26-2005, 05:27 AM   #7
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revlcb HB User
Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

Is your wife working? I understand that even if she is, this just might not be enough income to live off of and that money (or lack of) is one of the most stressful things couples have to deal with. I'm sorry that you're going through this and praying that things work out between you and your wife.

Sometimes we have to give in and tell those around us how we feel and/or what our dx is. It doesn't sound as if you're even letting your wife know how you truly feel. I understand this as I too try to hide my sx from others...not wanting to attract attention or feeling like a hypochondriac. Do you really think that others don't notice how often you're off balance or falling? I'd rather have my co-workers thinking I'm having a bad MS day than thinking that I'm on drugs or drunk, but that's me. Everyone's situation is different and we have to live as we're directed by our higher selves.

Good luck to you, dear.
Lisa

 
Old 08-28-2005, 06:20 AM   #8
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LaDeeDa HB User
Re: Stressed Out & Want A Divorce!

Hi MSu,

Sorry you're having such difficulty right now. Once you get the immediate issues under control, may I make this suggestion? "come out". I kept my MSecret for years. Several years ago I finally started coming out and divulging. What a tremendous load off my shoulders!! Sure, some people ran for the hills, left me in the dust, but after a little 'poor me' stuff I got over it and said 'Good Riddance!!" Other people seemed to breathe easier because apparently they were wondering all sorts of things, like maybe I was a drunk or druggie. True friends stay with you thru thick and thin. Yes, my social circle shrunk immediately after I 'came out' but I'm happy to say that was a temporary thing. I've decided I've got enough to deal with, I don't have to deal with the possibility that someone might not like knowing I have MS. If they don't, well..... See ya, nice knowin' ya! Their problem, not mine!

As for the immediate problems you're dealing with: If you can take one challenge at a time, resolve it to some degree and then move on to the next, rather than looking at the whole bunch together it might make it a bit easier to see each one more clearly. It's unfortunate that your wife isn't more understanding but I'm sure she's scared just like you must be. This MonSter is a test to any relationship. I hope you and she can get thru it together and be all the stronger for it.

 
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