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Old 10-01-2005, 10:57 AM   #1
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Felicia65 HB User
Getting a divorce

Hello, I am just sitting here in front of this computer needing to vent. i feel so alone and confussed....... I really dont think there is nothing I can do too change things. My husband ask for a divorce, He is going back to his country in 8 weeks, We had a big fuss last night, we both said some really bad things to each other. Maybe it had been building for some time now. If I said I am not hurting I would be lieing, But I also know that maybe it is for the best... If I said I did not love him I would be lieing... BUT we all know that you can not make someone feel the way we feel......I know God knows best, I wish I could take back the words I said last night, But I also know that The things I said Is the way I feel or have been feeling... But if it had not been said in anger, I would not feel so bad....He said he was leaving me today, Now he is at work I guess he will come pick his clothes up when he gets home....Well One more time I have lost ....... But I know I have To stand up for my self... He told me last night he really never wonted to marry me, That I pushed him into it....He said he has been planing for three months now not to come back to this country.........So I guess I was going to be left here waiting for someone to come back that had already made plans not too...... I guess that explains why he has been so cold to me.........I can not understand how a person can be so mean to someone they love, I feel like a fool, So now what? A part of my life is gone, I lose again.... Felicia

 
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Old 10-01-2005, 03:41 PM   #2
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here4support HB User
Cool Re: Getting a divorce

Hi Felicia,

I'm so sorry about what you are going through (((((Hugs)))) Here are some hugs (((((hugs))))) so that you can feel a little better.

I saw that no one had responded to your post and I wanted you to know that you can come in here and talk to me. I'll listen, and I'll try to help.

We are all on here for a reason......and it sucks feeling sick and depressed because of circumstances in our lives.

You said that you think maybe this is for the best. Hopefully you can believe that one day. I know it must be very hard for you.

Do you have children w/your husband?

 
Old 10-01-2005, 04:03 PM   #3
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Jecca1 HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

I am divorced so I know it is tough. It takes quite a while to work your way through some issues. After you regain some strength though, you may find yourself a lot better off, especially if he didn't love you. My ex said that he "loved" me but was no longer "in love" with me. By the way, my ex also said that he didn't plan to marry me. I can tell you that I didn't force him at all.

The main thing I find that I need is money. I've heard that if money can fix your problems, then you don't really have many problems. If that is true, and I think it is, then I would say I'm blessed. The Lord has been good to me and has been my help. I hope He will be yours also.

Jecca1

 
Old 10-01-2005, 06:33 PM   #4
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Felicia65 HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

Thank you guys so much for the kind words,He is making my life a living hell right now I feel like I am about to explode, I can not seem too do any thing right at all.

 
Old 10-01-2005, 07:55 PM   #5
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Njoylife HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

Sorry to hear about your sadness. Divorce isn't easy. It makes you feel like a failure. You actually go through a grieving process the same way as when some dies. So what your going thru is only natural. I could say things but nothing will make you feel better but time. I will say, because that's the way I am (LOL), that I believe that everything that happens and everyone you meet in life is for a reason. I always find a life lesson that helps me grow into a better person. Even thru my divorce, there where things that I realized about myself, things I didn't realize when dating or married to this person. So even though it's a bitter process, find something that better's you. Best of life

 
Old 10-01-2005, 08:28 PM   #6
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belize HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

It is more empowering to act than to react. If you can promise yourself that you will feel what you need to feel about your loss - later, at night, or a planned walk - then you can put your emotions aside and act. Though it does not work if you do not keep your promise. I know very little, nothing really, about you or your husband, but it is time for you to protect self. Get a lawyer and file before he does, take what is yours from any mutual accounts, get a credit card in your name only, and keep writing. I feel for you and from my own experience know that it will take at least a year before you know yourself again. Try not to date. Except yourself.

 
Old 10-02-2005, 10:16 AM   #7
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Re: Getting a divorce

Thank you all so much for your kind words, We really dont have anything togather we have seprate banking acc. nothing is in both our names, It is his or it is mine, He knows nothing of what I have in my checking or savings, Because I dont wont him to try and take it from me.He can not save money, he sends it as fast as he makes it, Myself I save because I never wont to be with out a red cent when hard times hit. We are so diffrent, .......... Anyway thanks felicia

 
Old 10-02-2005, 07:35 PM   #8
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Jecca1 HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

Don't worry about not being able to do anything right. The problem is not with you, it is with him. I couldn't do anything right with my husband before he left either. I tried so hard too. After the divorce, much later, I began to realize two things. 1. I couldn't do anything right because he didn't love me anymore. My being around irritated him. I was trying so hard, too hard to please him and to be what he wanted. I began to realize that I was the only one trying. He felt that he didn't have to try. I should make all the adjustments and sacrifices for him, but he didn't feel that he owed me the same. It finally hit me that our marriage wasn't a two way street. I never begged him to stay, per se, but I did suggest marriage counseling. He had a girlfriend on the side. I know now that if we had gone to marriage counseling (married 19 years) it would have been like a bandaid. It wouldn't have gotten to the core of the problem because he wouldn't have opened up, and he wouldn't have thought he needed to change. He would have wanted me to do all the changing. 2. After the shock of divorce and feeling that my world had been blown to bits, feeling that everything was on my shoulders, scared, I began to heal. I began to gain strength, find support, and be my old self again. I finally was able to laugh again, hold my head up, and get my old personality back. Granted, it took some time, but I am happy today. I am more independent. I try things that I never would have while married. I am a better person for it. I don't have to walk on egg shells or be afraid of making him mad. My kids even say that I'm better off without him. My daughter said she had seen him hit his now wife of 13 years and I didn't need that, and that I was better off now. He and his wife fuss all the time, his wife says. Gee, I wonder if he's really happy now. I wonder if he feels that leaving me was worth it. He doesn't look happy when I see him, he looks strained. I wonder if he has regrets. I wonder if he considers how much he has lost in his relationship with his children. I may never know, but I am glad that I no longer have to put up with the verbal abuse, his temper, cutting remarks, physical abuse at times, or the feeling that my best was never good enough no matter how hard I tried. The last one was the toughest for me. To give your best and to have it spit upon, hurts. I fooled myself for years, thinking that he loved me and that once he retired and got some rest and could do fun things and go fun places, he would be a different person and our marriage would improve. I was nothing to him at the end but the mother of his children whom he wanted to take care of them, his cook and cleaning lady. I was a convenience to him. He was self-centered. He wanted to do his own thing and to have admiration from others. I can't remember hearing him talk about me to others as if he were proud of me or what I was involved in. I couldn't see the forest for the trees until it was all over. I was so very blind. I now have a boyfriend of 10 years who adores me. We have a lot in common. Now that I have someone to compare him with - I realize there is no comparison between someone who truly loves you and someone who tolerates or detests you.

Here's hoping you get through this well, find your best self in the process, and perhaps in time, find someone who adores you. There's still a lot of the Good Life out there to be had.

Hugs are Coming Your Way,

Jecca

 
Old 10-03-2005, 10:13 PM   #9
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Johnster HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

((((((((((((((((FELICIA)))))))))))))))))

I'm So Sorry!!!

Please keep us posted

 
Old 10-04-2005, 10:20 PM   #10
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Felicia65 HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

Hello, I have been away for a few days, But just to keep an update, My husband and I are still togather. he did tell me the other day that he is sorry for the way he has been, and that he loves me. I am not sure about things.I guess I will just see how things will go from here? .............Felicia

 
Old 10-04-2005, 10:40 PM   #11
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Johnster HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

Felicia,

This is what I prayed for too. You always describe the man that he used to BE. The man you once were very in love with and adored. He who so gently brought you into the right direction. I pray he can one day put away the drinking. He too suffers like many of us. When we were so small and people asked what do you want to BE when you grow up? How many of us said we wanted what we have now good or bad? Life can be hard on us all at times and a disappointment other times. I donít really know what is happening to you both but try to go out somewhere or find some positive things to do as a couple again maybe. You know they say people never change yet thatís not always true. Yet I will continue to pray that he will return to the man you once married!!!

I have been praying for your boy too!!!

Your friend and brother
John

 
Old 10-04-2005, 10:50 PM   #12
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Samantha317 HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

Hi Felicia
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. He has been planning this for awhile and sending money to his family in the other country?

I think whatever the outcome, you are a strong person. If you are so different that has to make things difficult. I hope the best for you.

Best wishes,
Sam

 
Old 10-05-2005, 08:25 AM   #13
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Johnster HB User
Re: Getting a divorce

((((((FELICIA))))))

Just stopping in to wish you a better day! One full of prayer peace and love!

 
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