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Old 10-12-2005, 02:09 AM   #1
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farceur66 HB User
UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

Well... sad to say on Sunday my husband has asked me to move out of the house. Said he is miserable in this marriage and how could I be so cruel as to continue to live in the same house when I know he feels this way. Tuesday we did not say one word to each other. Not even to say good night. I am hurting so much. I have tried so hard to make this marriage work. I have been so darn good to him and his family over the years. How can he throw me away like trash? How can he not care if he never sees me again? How can he be so uncaring? So many questions are running through my head, questions that will never be answered. If someone told me a year ago that my husband would ask me to leave, I would have said NO WAY. I really thought he loved me alot - actually he use to love me alot. Could not stand being away from me. Now look at him. After 6 years, how easy it is for him to fall out of love with me. He even says I am good to him, a nice person so on and so on - - not like I have been mean to him. Funny thing is, my birthday and our wedding anniversary is tomorrow (October 13th).

Last edited by farceur66; 10-12-2005 at 02:30 AM.

 
Old 10-12-2005, 05:45 AM   #2
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

Quote:
Originally Posted by farceur66
Well... sad to say on Sunday my husband has asked me to move out of the house. Said he is miserable in this marriage and how could I be so cruel as to continue to live in the same house when I know he feels this way. Tuesday we did not say one word to each other. Not even to say good night. I am hurting so much. I have tried so hard to make this marriage work. I have been so darn good to him and his family over the years. How can he throw me away like trash? How can he not care if he never sees me again? How can he be so uncaring? So many questions are running through my head, questions that will never be answered. If someone told me a year ago that my husband would ask me to leave, I would have said NO WAY. I really thought he loved me alot - actually he use to love me alot. Could not stand being away from me. Now look at him. After 6 years, how easy it is for him to fall out of love with me. He even says I am good to him, a nice person so on and so on - - not like I have been mean to him. Funny thing is, my birthday and our wedding anniversary is tomorrow (October 13th).
I'm so sorry. I know you must be feeling absolutely terrible and your self esteem is probably really suffering right now. You were a good wife and he didn't appreciate you, so after all is said and done, you will one day realize this is all for the best. There is someone better for you out there.

Just keep taking good care of yourself and continue with your exercise and diet program. AFter you are feeling better, you can post an online ad and start meeting new men who appreciate a good woman like you.

Consider this HIS LOSS.

 
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Old 10-12-2005, 06:27 AM   #3
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Hazel_Eyes HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

Im so sorry that you are going through all this. I can't begin to imagine the pain you're going through - *HUG*

First off, I think you should talk to your husband. I think you should be completely honest and just tell him how you feel and what you're thinking. If you are not going to get a decent answer - LEAVE HIM. I know its extremely hard but what else is there to do?

If he doesnt need you - YOU DAMN SURE DONT NEED HIM!!! I think its really important that both of you have a serious talk. Of course this requires both of you - if you think the conversation is not heading the right way - just drop it.

I dont know the whole story - but your husband sounds like a real jack a**! keep us posted on how you're doing.

 
Old 10-12-2005, 07:21 AM   #4
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Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

I, too, am sorry about what you're going through. It must be so painful. But I don't understand one thing. Your husband said YOU are the one who is "cruel" because you're staying in the same house with him when you know he's so miserable???? Well, excuse me, but what an arrogant jerk! Doesn't that make you angry? You have done nothing to cause his misery and have been nice to him the entire marriage. Ok, so you've gained some weight during a stressful time, but you're doing something about it. If he is so unhappy and miserable, then let HIM move out. I think it's time to stop being nice and letting him taking advantage of your good nature. Already you're starting to look better and eating healthier, so why don't you also buy some "young," stylish clothes and some flattering make-up and start going out with your friends. Show him you're not up for spending depressing evenings in his "miserable" company. It must be such a drag to be around a husband who goes out of his way to tell you he doesn't want you anymore and how miserable he is with you. It seems to all revolve around him. But has he, for a second, considered that perhaps he was making you miserable too? Maybe he stopped paying attention to you and giving you compliments and any romantic gestures, so you kind of forgot that you were a desirable and beautiful woman and "let yourself go"? Time to change that and remind yourself that you do in fact have the potential to be that woman again, because this is who you ARE in essence and that is what attracted him to you in the first place. You still "got it," you just forgot about it! So you just start living your life doing what makes YOU happy and what is fun and interesting to you. Whatever he decides is his problem. I think this is the classic case of taking someone for granted, and it can happen to any woman, whether she has some extra weight or is a "skinny bimbo." There are a lot of overweight women who have good marriages and slim women who don't, so it's not really about the weight.

 
Old 10-12-2005, 11:56 AM   #5
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
I, too, am sorry about what you're going through. It must be so painful. But I don't understand one thing. Your husband said YOU are the one who is "cruel" because you're staying in the same house with him when you know he's so miserable???? Well, excuse me, but what an arrogant jerk! Doesn't that make you angry? You have done nothing to cause his misery and have been nice to him the entire marriage. Ok, so you've gained some weight during a stressful time, but you're doing something about it. If he is so unhappy and miserable, then let HIM move out. I think it's time to stop being nice and letting him taking advantage of your good nature. Already you're starting to look better and eating healthier, so why don't you also buy some "young," stylish clothes and some flattering make-up and start going out with your friends. Show him you're not up for spending depressing evenings in his "miserable" company. It must be such a drag to be around a husband who goes out of his way to tell you he doesn't want you anymore and how miserable he is with you. It seems to all revolve around him. But has he, for a second, considered that perhaps he was making you miserable too? Maybe he stopped paying attention to you and giving you compliments and any romantic gestures, so you kind of forgot that you were a desirable and beautiful woman and "let yourself go"? Time to change that and remind yourself that you do in fact have the potential to be that woman again, because this is who you ARE in essence and that is what attracted him to you in the first place. You still "got it," you just forgot about it! So you just start living your life doing what makes YOU happy and what is fun and interesting to you. Whatever he decides is his problem. I think this is the classic case of taking someone for granted, and it can happen to any woman, whether she has some extra weight or is a "skinny bimbo." There are a lot of overweight women who have good marriages and slim women who don't, so it's not really about the weight.


Yeah! What Sophia said!
Tell the jerk that if he's so miserable HE can move out!

 
Old 10-12-2005, 02:00 PM   #6
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farceur66 HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

Here is an email my husband sent me today:

I don’t even know what to say to you , I guess I am partially afraid to talk to you because I am afraid that I am either going to say something that hurts you more or I am just going to make you mad at me to where you are yelling at me. Either way I don’t blame you but it’s getting very hard to deal with and I am absolutely sick over this whole mess….. It’s not helping me at work either….. I am sick and I am trying to hide it so I can make it through the day!!! It’s getting harder every day.

The only thing I do know is that I am tired of hurting you and I am tired of knowing that you are suffering because of me.

I wish I could make it all better for you, but at the same time I do not want to tell you a lie or something that is not entirely true.

That would be playing with your emotions and that would be so wrong to do to you. I do not want to take you on a roller coaster ride.

Just like you my heart is broken, it has been broken for a long time and I really do not know what it is going to take to fix it.

I am just trying to make it through every day at this point……….

Putting you through more hell is not something that I want to do!!!

Last edited by farceur66; 10-12-2005 at 02:00 PM.

 
Old 10-12-2005, 05:12 PM   #7
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SophiaM HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

Is that all?? I mean, what does it really say that you don't already know??? What's his point with it? Did he propose any kind of a solution?? If not, that email is pretty much useless.

 
Old 10-13-2005, 04:30 AM   #8
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

I know it's hard, but you have got to just move on and forget this marriage. He has made it perfectly clear he wants out. Don't try and hang onto false hope. Keep working on building your self esteem and working out and getting into shape. Do you work? If not, find a job because that will help you feel better about yourself. Do you have children?

It might even be a good idea to get some counselling for now to help you deal with the break-up.

You will get over this, but it's going to take some time. Just let him go. You'll be glad you did eventually.

 
Old 10-13-2005, 07:02 AM   #9
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Nina000 HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

I absolutely agree with Sophia..Please don't give him power over you. Stand up for yourself and let him know that you are fed up with his self-centered pathetic behaviour. Don't take his frustrations with your overweight seriously. I just can't describe a man who disrepectfully speaks to his WIFE about how he got dumped by his MARRIED blond workmate BTW is he himself a perfect person? I think you are also better off being with a Kevin Costner type of men. I would suggest it to him.
In marriage and in love, people are together for better or worse. You deserve a person who treasures you unconditionally. Please do try to find this man.
Good luck

Last edited by Nina000; 10-13-2005 at 07:03 AM.

 
Old 10-14-2005, 09:24 PM   #10
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stacykgb20 HB User
Re: UPDATE: Not quite sure what husband wants - Divorce????

I know the laws differ from state to state, but I strongly suggest that you talk to a lawyer before taking any action such as moving or filing any divorce papers. I've heard that if one spouse moves out of their communal home, that can sometimes be legally viewed as them giving up their claim to the house, so please don't let your husband manipulate and guilt trip you into leaving. I have no doubt that he's been consulting a lawyer, so you really need to do the same thing to make sure you are protected, particularly if he brings in the majority of your household income. Remember that he's the one who wants the divorce, so it's his responsibility and burden to do the dirty work such as moving required to make that happen. For him to call you cruel for not leaving your own home after your husband cruelly told you he wanted to leave you is absolutely absurd--where in the world does he get the nerve! I sincerely hope I somehow interpreted that wrong or misconstrued what you were trying to convey. In any event, please realize that your husband is now looking out solely for himself and you need to do the same to protect your financial well-being, possessions, and home, especially if there are kids involved. If he's the primary breadwinner, he may have to pay for your lawyer, so make sure you do your homework, have a good attorney on your side (a women's shelter or local feminist organization can probably hook you up with a great lawyer working to help women for reduced fees), and don't let him bully, guilt trip, lie, and/or manipulate you into leaving or otherwise even giving the appearance of relinquishing any claim to your joint property and assets. Am I right to assume that you still would like to save your marriage if at all possible? Have you guys tried counseling, or is your husband absolutely 100% decided that he will settle for nothing less than a divorce? Either way, he's DEFINITELY the one who wants to move if it's so CRUEL for him to be living with you! I'm really sorry you're going through this and hope things look up at least a little soon...try to hang in there, take it one day at a time, and trust that things will get better and that everything happens for a reason. It sounds like you deserve better than your husband is giving you, and I truly hope you get it, no matter who you end up with...in the meantime, please take care of yourself emotionally and protect your practical and financial .interests as best you can. Good luck and take care .

 
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