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Old 10-16-2005, 12:30 AM   #1
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farceur66 HB User
Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

Hello All,

Thank you for all the replies to my threads concerning me and my husband. After several months of going through a down spiraling marriage, I am moving out on Friday. He said he has filled out the divorce papers and will be filing once I leave. It generally takes 60 days after a divorce is filed for it to be final.

I have heard it all from my family - - that things will get better, that I will find someone better, so on and so on. None of that is helping, and actually depresses me more. I think I spend the majority of my day thinking about it. I am shocked, and I feel betrayed. I just found out he told his father about our break up. Told him he feels like something is missing in his life. My husband told me his father sounded shocked, but said he understood he must do what he must do. I realize that is his son but I thought his father would have fought for me. I am a little hurt by that.

My husband has indicated that he might be making a big mistake. Told me he would not be sure if he would call me if he realized he made a mistake. I told him to call me and the worst that could happen is I say no. So he promised to call if that happens. He said he should have a pretty good feeling of how he is feeling by 60 days and that we can stop the divorce. My mother says men only change their minds in the movies, doesnt really happen much in real life.

Knowing that I want this marriage to work, how should I be after I leave the house. Should I ever call him or wait for him to make the first call? Any advice on what I should do or how I should behave towards my husband during the 60 days waiting period for a divorce.

Last edited by farceur66; 10-16-2005 at 01:02 AM.

 
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Old 10-16-2005, 01:08 AM   #2
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stacykgb20 HB User
Re: Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

I'm still not sure why you're moving out, but overall I think you're being way too understanding and easy on him. Once you guys are separated, I'd strongly caution you against calling...if there is any chance of him changing his mind, he has to have a chance to miss you and see you as at least somewhat of a challenge once again, somewhat out of reach. He now knows that you'd at least listen to him if he wanted to reconcile, so you've done all you can do. The ball is in his court now, so to speak, and the more you pursue him at this point, the more he'll pull away and want to stay away. I'm really sorry things worked out like this for you, and I truly hope everything will turn out for the best in time. I think it's great that you're getting in better shape and all, but I think you need to work on being happier for yourself now, not with the hope that he'll be drawn to you again. To be frank, I think you deserve a lot better than a man who would leave his wife because she gained weight after being harsh enough to tell her he'd fallen for a skinny coworker. Whatever happens, remember that you will be okay, and that every time a door closes, another one opens--everything truly does happen for a reason, and no matter how this turns out, you need to focus on building yourself up along with your self-esteem and your happiness. I wish you all the best...and I can say from experience that once the shock fades, while it might get worse for awhile, it does eventually get easier over time and work out for the best eventually. Good luck and take care of yourself .

 
Old 10-16-2005, 08:50 AM   #3
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

I completely agree with everything Stacy said. You ARE being way too understanding. You are a very loving and good-natured woman, and it shows. Do you really have to move out of your own home when it's your husband who is breaking your heart and wants to end the marriage? I think it's incredibly unfair to you that you should be the one uprooting yourself, having to look for a new place, etc. HE wants a divorce, let HIM deal with the stress of moving out. Unless you would really prefer to move out yourself.

No, you should not call him. Let him see what he's missing. I would recommend minimal contact and only limited to formal matters considering the house or the divorce. Unless he comes back to you on his knees, professing what a fool he was and begging you to take him back. If he doesn't do that, it means he is still wishy-washy and doesn't miss you enough. Personally, I think he's a selfish and manipulative man and that you really do deserve better. To call you "cruel" for living with him in the same household, when it's him who is putting you through all this drama---it still boggles my mind!

 
Old 10-16-2005, 09:23 AM   #4
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greeneyes100 HB User
Re: Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

You need to get your own attorney right away. You should not necessarily be the one to leave the home. Your home is community property. You have every right to live there until the divorce is final or until there is a court order saying you must leave the premises.

Everything you acquired after marriage is considered community property and you should get one-half of everything. Are you working? Also, you didn't mention if you have children or not.

No, DO NOT CALL HIM OR CONTACT HIM. That's the worst thing you could possibly do. Like I said before, just let him go.

You might be entitled to temorary or long term alimony if you are not working.

Just be sure and get that attorney! Start protecting your own interests now. Good luck!

 
Old 10-16-2005, 09:49 AM   #5
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ibeeshell HB User
Re: Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

How do you behave to a man who comes home and tells you about chasing the office bimbo? How do you behave towards the man who is divorcing you because you have gained weight? How do you behave towards the man who finds it ok for you to move out of the family home?

You charge him rent!!!! Rent for staying in the family home, while you have to live else where! Which in the state of California is perfectly legal and I hope wherever you live is legal too!!!!

The above posters are right, get a good attorney!! Don't settle for a meek one, either! For every pound you lose, girl, you extract one from his selfish, diplorable flesh!!!

 
Old 10-16-2005, 01:07 PM   #6
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farceur66 HB User
Re: Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

Hello,

My husband gets the house and I get everything that is inside the house. I am into decorating and my stuff is worth more than the little bit of equity we have in the house. Plus, the house we live in needs some things done such as new windows (cost $10,000) and such before we could even list the house. Luckily the house is in his name and I can just walk away from it. My mother told me the same thing, "stay in the house, it is part yours" but that would mean I would have to split my furniture/home accents. After I explained that to my mother she agreed my stuff is worth way more than his and I am not willing to split my stuff. I am going to put all of my belongings in storage and live with my father. Luckily I come from a very close family so I always have somewhere to live.

My husband told me that he is confused by his feelings and that it is unfair to leave me hanging. As to the cruel thing, I can only assume he meant that it is cruel to keep hanging onto the relationship when I know he wants out. I guess he never wanted to come out and say MOVE OUT and it was his way of getting his point across that he needs time alone (in an empty house).

The fact is once I got heavy I stopped doing all the fun things we use to do. I regret doing that. I also believe he is being as upfront and honest about how he feels. I hate what he is doing to me/us but at least he had the nerve to come right out and say what the problem was. Even my mother is shocked he tells me so much but my husband does not want to candy coat anything. He knows he is the one that messed us up. He also is aware that he might be making a big mistake and that I might not take him back. Overall, my husband is a good guy and that is why I hate losing him. I spent many years dating before I found him. He is the type of guy that is a romantic, even after being married. That is why I am so shocked this is happening and honestly believe he will be running back to me before the 60 days is up.

I will not call him. Also, I we do not have any children and I do work.

Thanks

Last edited by farceur66; 10-16-2005 at 01:11 PM.

 
Old 10-16-2005, 06:56 PM   #7
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shelley49001 HB User
Re: Husband is going to file for divorce and I move out Friday

I feel for you, BUT if your husband's love is based on the fact that you are skinny or fat then he isn't worth your love not at all, didn't he take his vows for better or for worst? I am a heavy woman, and let me tell you one thing, if my husband was to say that to me, I would file for divorce! There are many reasons why women gain weight and most of the time its NOT because you sit and watch tv and eat bon bons all day long, IF HE really loved you, then he would work with you to lose the weight and become a stronger person. His altimatums are crap, maybe he will call, well yea if he runs out of sex partners, sure he will call you...GO on with your life, get healthy, fit, in shape, and you will feel better for you and the next great guy will come along and sweep you off your feet in a heartbeat, don't call this man whom you call your husband....He will just run farther away, and if he is who you really want and forgive him, then play hard to get, because if you make this easy for him, then you are lessing yourself as a woman! THEN he will think that he can always pull crap on you and you will come running back. I know what I am talking about because I did the same thing once...NEVER again will I run after a man...Its degrading and just not right.

 
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