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Old 11-01-2005, 06:33 AM   #1
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liscarr HB User
In the midst of divorce

Hi I'm littlebit1962, I am new to the message board. I have been diabetic for 30 years now, my health has not been good over the years because of my husbands verbal abuse. I am on anti-depressants but my husband told me a month ago that he is moving out. Which he did he is staying with his girlfriend so I guess we will be getting a divorce. I have not been able to control my blood sugars over the years because of the stress. We had been married 17 years in Sept. the marriage has been over for quite some time but it is still very painful for me. My priest says its a grieving process for everything I am losing and being unsure of the future. Can anybody comment or offer advice. Littlebit1962

 
Old 11-01-2005, 08:10 AM   #2
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dinney HB User
Re: In the midst of divorce

Hi: I was divorced 13 yrs. ago but it is as vivid as yesterday. I too suffered from anxiety/depression and had NO support from x-husband, he made fun of me in front of our two sons. I was not disfunctional at all, held 2 jobs in addition to helping on the farm/ranch. Being Catholic it was a hard to "give" up on my 27 yr. marriage but he was dragging me further down with his verbal, sexual abuse. After talking for 3 yrs. with our priest and 7 yrs of counseling I had to leave with my youngest son. Best thing I could of done, tho not easy at all. I persecuted myself for not trying harder, wondering what I could have/should have done to make it work. Time, grieving and lots of prayers got me through it. I still battle the depression/anxiety but not to the extent I used too. (X still calls me, wants to meet with me, loves me) that is sooooooo hard,he can't/won't take NO for an answer. He remarried years ago to his counselor. Hang in there and will keep you in my prayers.

 
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Old 11-01-2005, 08:24 AM   #3
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Astroboy529 HB User
Re: In the midst of divorce

He remarried to his counselor???? Unless I'm mistaken, there are pretty strict codes of conduct for counselors which forbid that and maybe even make it illegal. I also suspected my ex-wife of having an inappropriate relationship with her cousellor. I had no proof, but if I had, I would have made quite a stink.

 
Old 11-01-2005, 08:47 AM   #4
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dinney HB User
Re: In the midst of divorce

Oh yes, with "his" counselor ! I had been going to one for several years, he went twice and refused to go back because I was the one that was (&#(*%
nuts. After I left he started immediently seeing a widower (his age) counselor, she would see him for 2-3 hrs. at a time, all hours of the night. Wrong, oh yes, and my counselor was shocked ! But oh well, he's all her's now and I"m quite sure she has no idea all he has done, said to me since they have been married. Doesn't give you much faith in some of the "professionals" does it ?

 
Old 11-01-2005, 10:47 AM   #5
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itzalluptome HB User
Re: In the midst of divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by liscarr
Hi I'm littlebit1962, I am new to the message board. I have been diabetic for 30 years now, my health has not been good over the years because of my husbands verbal abuse. I am on anti-depressants but my husband told me a month ago that he is moving out. Which he did he is staying with his girlfriend so I guess we will be getting a divorce. I have not been able to control my blood sugars over the years because of the stress. We had been married 17 years in Sept. the marriage has been over for quite some time but it is still very painful for me. My priest says its a grieving process for everything I am losing and being unsure of the future. Can anybody comment or offer advice. Littlebit1962
Hi littlebit1962,liscarr....you are correct about how this is a transistion time that can entail grief. I am very familar with the road you are going down..my marriage was the same duration as yours and my husband was also a reactive yelling sort. I have been away from him now for five years and it has taken me all this time to get accustomed to NOT being yelled at! Just the same, despite his belittling me for years, I have always had mixed feelings about my now ex-husband. I guess it is because he represents a huge hunk of my life. I was with him for over 1/2 of my life..maybe the same is true of you.
Most depressed people are depressed because they sense that they lack control or power. You and I no doubt felt diminished in our marriages and yet...when they are "over" we also long for what we have come to consider our predictable life (unhappy as it was). All living things strive for the comfort of routine. If the yelling and stress had become routine we still on some level feel lost without it (because we want to achieve homeostasis). After I broke up with my husband I started remembering mostly all the good things about him. It was my way of wanting to return to normal. To this day I am able to forgive him for most everything, but I am really glad that I learned how to stop being a complete doormat.
My advise to you is to consider your life is a great big book. You are turning the page and beginning a new chapter. It is time to start looking for your own personal power and start managing and controlling the only person you can...yourself! Think hard about what you can control and what you can not. It took me years to realize that I sincerely could not control my ex's (or anyone elses) actions or thoughts. I can try to influence them..that is it. I CAN control all my own responses to everything. You can too...get this simple concept and you'll be amazed at how you can flourish!

 
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