Originally Posted by liscarr
Hi I'm littlebit1962, I am new to the message board. I have been diabetic for 30 years now, my health has not been good over the years because of my husbands verbal abuse. I am on anti-depressants but my husband told me a month ago that he is moving out. Which he did he is staying with his girlfriend so I guess we will be getting a divorce. I have not been able to control my blood sugars over the years because of the stress. We had been married 17 years in Sept. the marriage has been over for quite some time but it is still very painful for me. My priest says its a grieving process for everything I am losing and being unsure of the future. Can anybody comment or offer advice. Littlebit1962
Hi littlebit1962,liscarr....you are correct about how this is a transistion time that can entail grief. I am very familar with the road you are going down..my marriage was the same duration as yours and my husband was also a reactive yelling sort. I have been away from him now for five years and it has taken me all this time to get accustomed to NOT being yelled at! Just the same, despite his belittling me for years, I have always had mixed feelings about my now ex-husband. I guess it is because he represents a huge hunk of my life. I was with him for over 1/2 of my life..maybe the same is true of you.
Most depressed people are depressed because they sense that they lack control or power. You and I no doubt felt diminished in our marriages and yet...when they are "over" we also long for what we have come to consider our predictable life (unhappy as it was). All living things strive for the comfort of routine. If the yelling and stress had become routine we still on some level feel lost without it (because we want to achieve homeostasis). After I broke up with my husband I started remembering mostly all the good things about him. It was my way of wanting to return to normal. To this day I am able to forgive him for most everything, but I am really glad that I learned how to stop being a complete doormat.
My advise to you is to consider your life is a great big book. You are turning the page and beginning a new chapter. It is time to start looking for your own personal power and start managing and controlling the only person you can...yourself! Think hard about what you can control and what you can not. It took me years to realize that I sincerely could not control my ex's (or anyone elses) actions or thoughts. I can try to influence them..that is it. I CAN control all my own responses to everything. You can too...get this simple concept and you'll be amazed at how you can flourish!