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Old 01-27-2006, 09:13 PM   #1
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Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Hello,

Right now I am hurting so much. I found out somethings about my soon to be ex tonight. When my husband took today off I could have sworn he was going to go to the court house and stop the divorce. I got home, fixed myself up and waited for his call. At 6pm I called him and got his voice mail. About 10 minutes later he called me back and said he was fixing his hair. After talking for a while I found out he had "people" coming over to the house (he only told me that when I asked him to put my mail in the mailbox for me to pick up that night). He said "do not be suprised if I see cars in the driveway". Instantly I thought that was odd and asked if there would be a girl there. He did not deny it so that pretty much told me there would be. I picked up my mail and went home. 30 minutes later I decided to drive by "his" house and saw only one car parked in the driveway. (people my *ss) A few seconds later the front door opened and my husband and this girl walked out. He walked her to her car and kissed her goodnight. I was crushed. So crushed I laid on the car horn... oh my. I think I messed up the kiss. Of course he knew I was there the moment he walked out the door. Needless to say he was not home today to stop the divorce but to pursue his happiness with this girl. I do not know what to do now. How am I suppose to heal from this? How am I suppose to go on? I feel so bad right now - - like my entire life is torn apart. He was my husband and my best friend - - tonight I lost both. He keeps saying he is sorry but I am tired of hearing him say he is sorry. I want to call him again and again but I hate myself when i do call him. I want to run away from all of this but have nowhere to go. I guess time is going to have to heal this pain which is by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.

 
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Old 01-27-2006, 09:35 PM   #2
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this! I don't know how he could be so mean and heartless as to kiss another woman in front of you knowing you were there! It's also incredibly cruel to have led you on, thinking you would reconcile and that he would call off the divorce, while he was involved with another woman. You poor thing...my heart really breaks for you, and I can only imagine how devastating this must be for you and all the confusing emotions you must be experiencing. The only good thing I can think of that will come out of this is that you deserve a much, much better man than your husband is apparently capable of being. I think he was a total jerk to tell you that he was attracted to another woman, then have the gall to demand that YOU move out of YOUR house because he's so shallow that he doesn't want to be with you after you gained weight. I know it's probably impossible to imagine this now, but I think that once you start healing and have some time to process this, you will look back and realize that you deserve so much better treatment than this guy showed you. For someone who vowed to be your husband and stand by you loyally no matter what, he didn't treat you kindly at all, and now that he has filed for divorce and appears to be going through with it, I hope you will protect yourself from any additional heartbreak by cutting all contact with him. I'm afraid that it will seriously damage your self-esteem and prolong your mourning period if you allow him to disrespect and hurt you anymore than he already has. You have been so incredibly patient and understanding throughout all the mean nonsense that he has put you through, and enough is enough! Please realize that you don't deserve to be treated this way by anyone! You are WAY too good for this guy, and while I feel absolutely terrible for you, I also know that you will be happier, more confident, and more secure with yourself and your life once you have some distance between you and him. I really hope that you are able to feel better soon and to move on from this horrible ordeal...please keep us posted and don't hesitate to vent here whenever you need advice or support! We are here for you and our hearts go out to you...please take good care and hang in there!

 
Old 01-27-2006, 09:52 PM   #3
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Farceur, I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreak But Stacy is right that enough is enough! This guy is taking advantage of your good heart and is stomping all over it with his dirty boots! I knew he was insincere when I was reading the email he wrote to you. And it's so disgusting that all this time he was stringing you along and making you feel like there was a chance for reconcilliation, taking out out on dates, and even sleeping with you. All to just rip your heart out like this. What a complete jerk! I agree, stay away from him and proceed with the divorce. This man is no good and I doubt he will ever be. He is selfish, cruel and insensitive, to say the least.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 02:41 AM   #4
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

I'm so sensitive to your pain ... I'm speechless ... the way that he has treated you, misled you to beleive that the divorce would be called off, then kissed another girl in front of you knowing that you were watcing. I think you'd have to remember this, and tell yourself loud and clear that this cruel man is not good enough for you. Just remember what he did & remember the feeling he brought you, but never look back ... look forward, there's always something better around the corner in front of you, true it could be something worse too however, you never know until you try.

Take care, and when you need to talk, we are always here. God bless you.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 04:51 AM   #5
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Wow... what a rollarcoaster ride this has been. He never told me he was going to stop the divorce, I just assumed. Why else would he call me in the moring before work and be really sweet on the phone with me and let me know he was going be home all day. Have you ever felt like you just do not know what to do or where to go? That is how I feel right now. I feel like everything I have ever worked for is gone.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 07:45 AM   #6
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

OMG what a loser this jerk is! If he was a decent guy he would feel guilty exposing you to such pain. What a petty thing of him to do! Not to respect, and to hurt the person who was part of your life speaks volumes about his inner ugly selfish self. Too sad you had to discover it late and in the hard way when you were very innocently holding out for him to change, doing all you can to lose weight, etc. I am not clear as to who is staying in the house now: you or him?
The best, but most difficult, thing to do now is to laugh and smile in return. I would let him feel that he is too much of a joke that all he did was only made me laugh and feel sorry for him! Please try not to show him that you are hurt because that's what he wants, although this is really irrelevant.
It's very hard when you idealise someone and get disillusioned very painfully. The thing is this will only make you reject him more. You will become a 100% sure that this man adds nothing to your life except negative feelings. Do you want someone like him?

Please be strong and concentrate your effort into kicking this a******le out of YOUR house, if he is still there, and into re-starting a fresh less stressful life. Most importantly, don't let him shake your self-confidence. We are always here for you and please keep us updated with how you feel, I hope that you get better soon.

Last edited by Nina000; 01-28-2006 at 11:54 AM.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 10:22 AM   #7
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

He actually lives in the house and I live with my father. And to think 2 weeks ago he told me he felt bad because he did not have money to buy his sister a birthday gift and I went out and got her something. What a fool I am and how he used me for it.

I told him I was moving to florida and he said I guess even if I was wrong we can never get back together if you live in florida. What the hell is he doing? Would someone please tell me why he called me three times a day for 2 months? Why he held my hand on the sofa? Why did he do those things if he was not interested - - that is all I want to know? he claims he did it because he was trying to work on the marriage. How easy it was for him to move on when he was suppose to be working on this marriage with me.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 11:01 AM   #8
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Farceur,

I am sorry to say that he's holding your hand, calling you, etc....because he is a SELFISH MANIPULATIVE jerk. He is doing what he wants too: inviting a woman over to YOUR HOUSE, and having an extremely good-hearted wife waiting for divorce, heartbroken.

Farceur, he is taking advantage of you, why did you buy his sister a present? To hell with both of them, he doesn't/won't appreciate your good heart. Let him find money to find another place. Please fight for your independence from him. Start the ball rolling and ask solicitors' advice on how to kick him out. Maybe this will let him come to his senses.

My friend in Holland was abused by her husband, and they are now proceeding with divorce, but the court has already given her the house and he's staying in social services accommodation with losers like him. He has to ask her permission everytime he wants to come over to see his daughter. She discovered that he was planning for her to end up in the street! She is a foreigner who didn't then speak the language and a vulnerable mum to his kid. Now he's homeless. She is far more independent and passed the language exams and started looking for a job.
Men can be very greedy. Do not allow him to treat you like that, please don't.

Last edited by Nina000; 01-28-2006 at 11:01 AM.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 11:50 AM   #9
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Farceur, is the house in both of your names? If so, you should fight for what's rightfully yours. This man has been getting away with so much and taking full advantage of your loving nature. And now, he has the audacity to bring strange women to YOUR home, when you're not even divorced yet. Forget being understanding--he does not deserve it. He's divorcing you anyway, despite how good to him you were. You have a right to this house. The divorce is not your choice. He wanted it, so he should go live with his mother. Why should you have to sacrifice for something that's not even your fault?

 
Old 01-28-2006, 01:04 PM   #10
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

The house is his. I took everything inside of it. I have no claims nor want for the house. The divorce papers have already been signed as unconstested and that is fine with me. He has nothing I want financially. I bought his sister a present because I use to be the one that bought presents for people. I guess it doesnt matter. I was a fool and I have noone to blame but myself for letting him do that to me.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 01:12 PM   #11
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Quote:
Originally Posted by farceur66
The house is his. I took everything inside of it. I have no claims nor want for the house. The divorce papers have already been signed as unconstested and that is fine with me. He has nothing I want financially. I bought his sister a present because I use to be the one that bought presents for people. I guess it doesnt matter. I was a fool and I have noone to blame but myself for letting him do that to me.
No, you're NOT a fool! You are someone with a beautiful heart who took a chance and loved a man who unfortunately wasn't worthy of such love. It does not reflect on you; it reflects on him, the emotional dwarf. I hope once the divorce is over and you heal from the experience, you will be able to meet someone who actually knows how to love and treat a wonderful woman like yourself.

 
Old 01-28-2006, 01:32 PM   #12
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Nina000 HB User
Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Quote:
Originally Posted by farceur66
The house is his. I took everything inside of it. I have no claims nor want for the house. The divorce papers have already been signed as unconstested and that is fine with me. He has nothing I want financially. I bought his sister a present because I use to be the one that bought presents for people. I guess it doesnt matter. I was a fool and I have noone to blame but myself for letting him do that to me.
Farceur, I am so sorry if I made you feel worse, I know that you don't care about the money bit because you are extremely generous. I know that this is the last thing that you are worried about now. I just can't help feeling harshly defensive of you, so I sound a bit hard.
I am only feeling as angry as you are that such a kind loving person as you are is not treated likewise. You deserve a lot of love and passion.

Why should you always give? for nothing?

 
Old 01-28-2006, 01:54 PM   #13
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

You did not make me feel worse If anything you are all helping me out and I appreciate that more than you will ever know. I do have my family to talk to but all of you have helped me out and have said things to me that were said to help me.

 
Old 01-29-2006, 05:23 AM   #14
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

Farceur, I was wondering if you are feeling a bit better today? I hope so..
Take care and please come here to vent any time. We are all here to listen, and I am sure that other people on the boards would love to know that you are coping well through this hellish time of change in your life.

 
Old 01-30-2006, 01:32 PM   #15
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Re: Update on my divorce - - it does not look good

I feel so much better today (Monday). I cried all day on Saturday, woke up Sunday with a new frame of mind. It feels good that this rollercoaster is done. I have been "hanging" for months and now I know what is going on. My husband emailed a "" face to me yesterday evening, then followed it with a "I messed up" email. Ignored both. This morning he sends me another "I REALLY messed up" email.

 
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