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Old 02-06-2006, 07:36 PM   #1
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Angry Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Oh boy.... I am almost embarrassed to say this. My husband faxed a motion to dismiss the Dissolution of Marriage today, the last waiting day before our divorce goes through. He broke off the relationship with the other girl (I believe he did break it off with her) because even though he liked her, he realized he loves me - - blah blah blah.

Well hours after cancelling the divorce, he is acting weird with me. Acting like he is uncertain what he wants. Wondering why he feels this way, so on and so on. What the heck??????? I asked him if he is doing this so that he has longer to think about what he wants, so that I am never out of his life, blah blah blah. I told him he could F himself, and F that other girl. Told him I never want to speak to him again and hung up the phone. He called me 6 times, trying to get me to talk to him. He claims we need to talk to work this out... blah blah blah. He just wants to keep me hanging while he does his thing, claiming he is confused. He does not want to lose me in his life.... actually not quite sure what he is doing.

My mother says he is the strangest guy she has ever met, never met anyone who has done anything like that before.

Could someone please shed some light on this? Is his goal to go back dating and keeping me around as his wife? Right now, it appears that is the case.

 
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Old 02-06-2006, 07:53 PM   #2
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Oh, gosh, Farceur. I wish I knew what to say, but I have NO idea Your husband is getting stranger and stranger. Obviously we cannot read his mind and he is not very forthcoming in offering any kind of a coherent explanation as to his thought process here. I think he's definitely afraid of the finality of a divorce, but at the same time, not truly committed to the marriage, either. He wants to stay in a limbo, it appears. It must be emotionally exhausting on you. I think you will have to present him with an ultimatum; otherwise this can drag on for years and continue to take a toll on your emotional and mental health. It would drive me crazy; what he's putting you through is insane.

 
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Old 02-06-2006, 08:52 PM   #3
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Oh the drama.... I just love this drama. (not)

So after it seemed like 12 calls, I finally pick up the phone. He is teary sounding on the phone and said "why wouldnt you talk to me". After talking for around 30 minutes about NOTHING we said goodnight. After thinking about it I called him back and told him in the morning I will call the court and ask them to ignore the fax... blah blah blah. He said "I did not ask you to do that" in a sad voice and stated we would talk tomorrow. I more than ever believe he cannot stand not having me in his life, but at the same time he does not want to commit. Also I forgot to mention that he is saying I pressured him into cancelling the divorce. Now when during our problems did it ever look like he could be pressured????? It is like when a man cheats and blames his wife.... kind of reminded me of that.

 
Old 02-06-2006, 09:22 PM   #4
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Maybe the girlfriend broke it off with him and he is finding himself alone for the first time??? Just a thought...

 
Old 02-07-2006, 04:30 AM   #5
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

I woke up this morning angry and confused - - how dare him do this to me again. I called him this morning and he told me that last night he called "her" (after I got him to say it). Said they talked about the normal stuff. I asked him if he intended on calling her again and he said he did not know. When he said that I hung up the phone. He called back (I did not answer) and said that I did not know what was going on and that we have to talk to work it out... blah blah blah. Now I guess he feels he can use "we need to talk to work it out" to keep me hanging on. He told me he was going to ignore "her" when she called so what is this and yet he called her last night because he felt he had to (that is what he said). He just called again and left me a voice mail to stop hanging up on him and that if he does not hear back from me within the next few minutes he will assume I do not want to speak to him again - - whatever is all I can say to that. Since he said that he has called many more times trying to get me to talk to him. At this point there is nothing to talk about.

Again I feel betrayed - - kicked while I was down. Left standing on the side of the street holding my bags. I feel like the runner up, the good ole standby.

A large part of me never wants to speak to him again, the other part feels too much damage has been done for me to ever completely trust him again and a little feels like I still care to be with him.

 
Old 02-07-2006, 06:47 AM   #6
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

I am very sorry to hear about all of this. It sounds like he wants to make sure he has something to fall back on if his outside affairs fail, and that something is you. I wouldn't try to work it out, In my opinion. He proved himself, by promising not to talk to "her" and calling her last night, that he cannot be trusted my any means. I recently went through a divorce b/c he cheated, and I know that personally I would never be able to get past that enought to work it out. He continued to lie to me after I found out too. You may think that this feels like the end of the world, but it's not. I know the stress you're feeling. I lost 20 lbs in a little under a month and didn't know if I was coming or going. But after all is said and done, that experience has made me a stronger, better and more independent woman. And that makes it all worth it to me. Hope all works out for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.


Belle

 
Old 02-07-2006, 06:53 AM   #7
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by farceur66
I called him this morning and he told me that last night he called "her" (after I got him to say it). Said they talked about the normal stuff. I asked him if he intended on calling her again and he said he did not know. When he said that I hung up the phone.
Farceur ~ To me "actions speak so much louder than words"!!! If your husband wanted this marriage above everything else....he wouldn't be calling another woman!! He would be showing you that he wants you and nobody else in his life and not acting so confused and unsure of that. He is controlling, selfish, and extrememly confused!!! Why would you want to be with a man like that who is not sure of how he feels about you or being married to you??? To me that is settling and leaving yourself in LIMBO and wondering where you stand compared to others....you deserve to be #1!!!

Walk away from this.....he is confused and unable to know where he wants to go. Unless you want a life of being led through the desert of life and always thirsting for more, I would look for what you truly deserve......a man who has100% to give to YOU.

((((HUGS))))) ~ Goody

 
Old 02-07-2006, 07:19 AM   #8
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

What he wants is his cake and eat it too...that's unrealistic and he can't expect for you to hang around until he makes up his mind. You need to get that divorce and get on with your life, he can't make up his mind so you will have to make it up for him! I mean, he can't even tell you he's not going to call that OW anymore...maybe if you knew he was wanting to make this work there could be a chance but he's not willing to commit to you. What if it were the other way around, would he let you have a BF and him too...I DON'T THINK SO!!!!
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Old 02-07-2006, 07:32 AM   #9
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
Farceur ~ To me "actions speak so much louder than words"!!! If your husband wanted this marriage above everything else....he wouldn't be calling another woman!! He would be showing you that he wants you and nobody else in his life and not acting so confused and unsure of that. He is controlling, selfish, and extrememly confused!!! Why would you want to be with a man like that who is not sure of how he feels about you or being married to you??? To me that is settling and leaving yourself in LIMBO and wondering where you stand compared to others....you deserve to be #1!!!
Goody is right--this man SAYS that he wants you to give him a chance and work things out, but what does he DO? He calls another woman! What a slap in the face. What is this circus, what is this playing with your heart and mind? I would say enough already. How will you ever be able to trust him, believe what he tells you, feel secure with him? This man is your husband. Why is he already dating other women, when you're not even divorced yet and supposedly he still "loves" you? This does not show that he wants to work on the marriage--quite to the contrary. He wants to keep you in this limbo not out of love, but out of his own fear that he might end up alone if his affair ends. After you've given him numerous chances, he is still undecided and confused. Do you think he will all of a sudden become certain and decisive? It's really sad because he is hurting a person who is so good to him. One day he will regret this for sure.

 
Old 02-07-2006, 07:49 AM   #10
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

Sounds to me like he is just afraid, most likely afraid of losing you. You are what he's used to and familar with. I'm sure we've all made a big decision and right before you finalize it you have second thoughts. I dont know why you are getting divorced in the first place, but it sounds like you made the right decision.

I'd say go on with the divorce. Good luck and dont let him bring you down!

 
Old 02-07-2006, 08:08 AM   #11
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Re: Well he stopped the divorce but now what he is doing?????

It seems to me that your husband doesn't take the word divorce very seriously; the word and the severity of it. A divorce is a very serious and drastic step and should not be used to mentally screw with you, which is what he's doing. I know this is easy for me to say since I'm not going through it but if I were you, he'd get his divorce and wouldn't see or hear from me again.

 
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